Roninspoon's New Writeups

When I see you, I remember what we shared, and what you left behind. (fiction)

2009-11-13T05:07:52Z

It was Prague where we first met. 1962. The spring I think. It must have been the spring. I can still smell the tulips in bloom as we neared the Charles Bridge. It was early, just before breakfast? I don't remember the noise of the city.

I do remember hearing the Vltava licking at her bank and caressing the broad sandstone feet of that mighty span. The gentle lapping of a street cur sipping from a rain spout, the splash of fecund wine over a bowl of currants, the symphony of a lady orchestrating cunnilingus upon an elegant stranger.

My memories of that bridge, in that morning, are so very strong. Other details of Prague escape permanence, but that bridge remains the granite foundation of my memories for you. If I had known that you would stab me in the throat under that same bridge thirty seven short years later, I may not have spent so long traveling with you. Carrying your umbrella. Making your tea. Darning your stockings.

Even now, I'm not sure I blame you.…

Airline Hero (thing)

2008-07-08T23:04:58Z

Leveraging the popularity of next generation party games like Rock Band, Guitar Hero, and WarioWare, EA Sports is proud to announce their latest release, Airline Hero.

Airline Hero is a ground breaking simulation that allows players to experience the thrill and excitement of being a member of a commercial airline crew on a passenger jet. The standard game set allows you and up to five of your friends to assume roles among the crew and passengers of three different airliners for four different licensed airlines.

Using the Airline Hero controllers (not compatible with Passenger Jet from Westwood Studios) players can assume the roles of Pilot, Co-Pilot, Navigator, Inflight Attendant, Passenger, or one of three Wild Card positions using your extra Xbox 360 or Nintendo Wii controllers.

Pilot

The Pilot is the primary role in the game. If you are playing in the Single Player Career, you must play as the pilot until you…

New Managers Handbook of Procedures and Scapegoating: Appendix B; Practical Exercises (thing)

2008-05-05T18:56:12Z

I returned from my normal Wednesday morning staff meeting to discover an odor most foul in my office. It smelt like a hobo had crapped a dead raccoon into a coffee can and set it on fire under my desk.

This was not a pleasant odor.

The odor tickled my nose with fiery knives and danced across my palate like a line dancing boar in hob nailed boots, for indeed it was so strong it could be tasted. This was not only a foul odor, but one that could not be ignored. I timidly explored the confines of my office, sniffing experimentally, and attempting to triangulate the source of the funk while my eyes teared up. I opened the drawers in my desk for quick peeks and poked through the boxes stacked up by the door trying to find the final resting place of what I was sure must have been a diseased rat that had died from gorging itself on week old discount chili.

I could only take about ten minutes of this…

Bodine Value (thing)

2008-05-02T21:42:36Z

Imagine a familiar scenario.

It is 3:30 on a Saturday morning and you don't really know where you are. The last clear memory you have is thinking that the hot blonde you'd been flirting with was really into your shit, before suddenly realizing you'd actually been talking to a potted house plant for 40 minutes. At some point in the evening you'd been engaged in a melee, possibly with the same house plant. You're standing in a bath tub, but it appears to be located in an alley, not a bathroom. Through the haze of inebriation you remember that bathtubs belong in bathrooms, not alleys. You throw up in it anyway.

Stepping gingerly over a hobo, you emerge from the alley to discover that you still don't really know where you are. You may not even be in the same city anymore. What you do know is that things and stuff are getting clearer and more acute. This is a sure sign that you are sobering up, and…

here is the mutiny I promised you and here is the party it turned into (event)

2007-10-10T17:35:48Z

From: Igloowhite
Spoon, somehow cant find you
inside. Want to walk to tin
shed, before it gets too late
in the morning?
8:25am 10/7/07

When a text message like that wakes you up, one of the first things you should be able to do is either confirm or deny your geographical location. Quite swiftly I realized I was not in a position to guarantee this.

What the fuck? Where was I?

I mean, it was a house; clearly it was a house, but it was not the one I had spent the preceding portion of the weekend in. It was not the house I had expected to wake up in. It was... familiar? The last thing I remember was looking at my watch, in this room, and realizing it was 5:30,…

The Ultimate Zen Node (idea)

2007-04-01T17:33:11Z