hamster bong's New Writeups

August 29, 2009 (personal)

2009-08-29T19:07:09Z

lately i've spent a great deal of time scribbling aimlessly into a notebook i purchased for such purposes. little falls out of my head that is not simply a lot of melancholic garbage and i know this is partly due to the sun and its insistence on leaving me again. i feel as though i am engaged in a distinctly one-sided and agonizing relationship with the sun gods. clearly it is a yearly occurrence for me to slip gradually into this frame of mind. i am aware. it doesn't cease the progression from relatively sane individual to this mess of a person so broken down by a seeming lack of vitamin d and ambition that i can hardly see the sun when it does show itself for all the possibility and doubt streaming down my face.

sometimes i sit in empty parking lots with an empty page in front of me and pens with no ink. i've been going to movies by myself and i wonder why this seems strange to anyone. i am hardly useful in social situations at the best of…

August 1, 2009 (person)

2009-08-01T12:37:42Z

This is a story about work. I know that you are supposed to leave your work where it belongs, in the office, but sometimes it follows you. Sometimes it stays.

I work for an organization that provides home care. The main goal is to of course care for people in their homes, help them to stay in their home longer (thus avoiding nursing homes and hospitals, etc). We also have teams for specific purposes - oncology, paediatric, geriatric, and so on. Each team is composed of case managers who are RN's (for the most part). So, I work with nurses.

I receive phone calls from people on a regular basis requesting assistance with anything from basic information to nursing care to people who are actively dying. Yesterday seemed to be much of the same until I received a phone call from a woman with cancer. I receive phone calls from women with cancer every day. Every single call is different.

I can usually retain my composure,…

rainbow catalogue (thing)

2009-08-01T04:08:53Z

i've been holding internal discussions all night with the
winds blowing and i don't know why the rain
falling seeping into the tiny cracks along the
bottom of parched mud puddle remains
makes me think of you

early morning eyelids closed fast against
the storm and this fucking inverted umbrella
useless broken ruining my fistful of paper
heart wrenching confessions to try and explain
your absence to myself

even though
i asked you to go

February 12, 2009 (personal)

2009-02-13T01:35:58Z

it is cold out again. the snow melted the last few days, i could see the grass. soggy and ruined by the winter but still there and i wanted so badly for it to be time for the warm sun and for the green and the life.. it is only february, though, and i am searching for warmer thoughts. found this one, from some time before the cold..

it is windy and warm enough, considering the season. some leaves have fallen and my dad and i are out for a walk around the yard. my sister's little one awkwardly walking along beside us, his small feet clambering over the gravel as if the larger stones are boulders and he is off balance always, little fingers reaching for my hand - just in case.

my dad is the sort of person who sees things most people miss - in the trees, on the ground. hears things you wouldn't think to listen for. sometimes in the warmer weather when time and his…

And we live our lives (idea)

2009-02-07T03:59:29Z

i remember strange faces lamplight vibrations
orange glow sidling sidewalk contemplation
brittle branch snapping footsteps fists clenching
incoherent sporadic lost love heart wrenching

strong hands into hair warm lips on soft skin
naked writhing thrusting force him inside
candle shadow dances across chest heaving
in and out of hazy lust shrouded soul screaming

i remember laughter voids and our secret places
moonlit flesh crawling simple answer evasions
frustration lines drowning bored empty spaces
inventing correspondence with sentient beings

skeletal embraces floating or stifled elation

if this love is wrapped in careful lies
when the birds sing of wandering stars trapped in his eyes
and the spring breeze hangs in her whispered tease
we will call it okay to fall apart this time

How it feels to love your ghost (person)

2009-02-05T23:30:04Z

found your fingers underneath the pillows last night
i startled awake, faltered, turned away
felt the blanket pull gently towards your side of the bed
sometimes i forget that i try not to touch you anymore

found your pink floyd tshirt in my dresser, with my socks
thought about throwing it across the room, changing the locks
instead i closed the drawer quickly and now it is mine
i am keeping it, in case you don't come back this time

i have taken to watching you while you put your coat on
trying to imprint in my memory what it looks like when
you don't care anymore
and you don't want to try again
when i finally stop wondering
and you leave so fast you forget to close the door

welcome to the midnight sky
welcome to the cold
to the purples and the blues, the shadows and…