How do you keep
    innocence, a vulnerable
            lamb, sacrificial
a cheap altar in a cheap hotel
                   cigarette smoke incense and ache
                   smouldering censors and droning latin
        with your/my body on the edge of
                  ecstasy and crystal meth; your candles, gifts
                     lift you up to
     a dark neutral purgatory

So now, somewhere
                         else somewhere
                               escaped,
               how am I to keep
                              to keep, regain, hold, give myself
                           to you, pure
you:
      Undeserving, admittedly, oh so worthy my
flawed angel.

No white dove wings, no halo (you/I don't either, what makes you think
                                            i/YOU (we'll make us deserve) )


with flawed peace, distance
    the imperfections are essential. 
            failed schattenjäger,
 and an ashen angel
 and a   february brown of dried bloodstain
 and
            unwashed hands so white your skin

else how would we forgive?

I don't want to die

in loving memory.