Alarm and Pride
from Fantastic Fables by Ambrose Bierce
"GOOD-MORNING, my friend," said Alarm to Pride; "how are you this morning?"
"Very tired," replied Pride, seating himself on a stone by the wayside and mopping his steaming brow. "The politicians are wearing me out by pointing to their dirty records with ME, when they could as well use a stick."
Alarm sighed sympathetically, and said:
"It is pretty much the same way here. Instead of using an opera-glass they view the acts of their opponents with ME!"
As these patient drudges were mingling their tears, they were notified that they must go on duty again, for one of the political parties had nominated a thief and was about to hold a gratification meeting. | 
