August 2, 1997

It's a problem a lot of people have. We all struggle with it, some more than others. It's not being able to let go of the past. It shapes us, creates who we are. Every person, every moment tells us who we are, and if we question it enough it tells us why we are. But does it become something unsuaul when your whole life is in the past? When today appears to be a dream, and two years ago was yesterday?

I live in the past. I live with people from my past who've moved on long ago. But I'm still holding on, afraid to let go. Not knowing how to let go, really. The image I imagine most is my hand touching their faces, or their hands touching mine. I yearn for that kind of love or passion. My present reality holds none of that. It's tearing mercilessly at my soul, at my mind.

It's hard to be alone. Nobody to help you stand or help you forward. I've always had this distaste for dependency, but now I wish I still had it. But no, I blindly try to hold onto the people and feelings that have left me.

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