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Time: Fri, 25 Aug 2000 00:27:59 GMT
Everything server: Apache/1.3.9 (Unix) Debian/GNU mod_perl/1.21_03-dev
Number of nodes: 667146 (2482 new since August 23, 2000)
Number of users: 18329 (67 new since August 23, 2000)
Number of links: 3210370 (48552 new since August 23, 2000)

Node to user ratio: 36.398 nodes per user
Link to node ratio: 4.812 links per node
Link to user ratio: 175.152 links per user

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JeffMagnus node count: 4036 (0 new since August 23, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience: 9527 (24 more since August 23, 2000)
JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.361 XP per node
JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.605%
JeffMagnus node of the day: http://slashdot.msn.com/

Well, the day of reckoning is upon me. While I'm at it, I might as well litter the rest of this WU w/ cliches. After four easy, short months of internship at Meijer, I am now a free man. Yes, no more toil of having to get up at the dreadfully early hour of 7:30, or having to work no weekends or holidays, no more $10.50/hr for writing on E2. Oh, its good to be free. (dripping with sarcasm)

I think I'm so happy to have things change that all i'd need to be happier was to get my wisdom teeth put back in, then promptly re-pulled. That would just make my day. Its been a week since I've had the operation, and since I'm a dumbass, I won't go easy on eating. In fact I think I re-opened my lower right wound a bit today. Wisdom teeth extraction does so much to improve your mood, I wish I could still take the codine they gave me.

My mother really confuses me. I love the lady to death, and its been a wonderful summer living with her, but I really don't understand her. I can barely understand how I'm related to her. She works for an advertising company, and she tries to solicit companies into letting her company put their logo on millions of items, so the company can use them for promotion. Her boyfriend, Steve, works for CenturyTel, a cellular phone company. Steve could sell a space heater to a man living on the Sun, and got invited to a charity golf tournament pro-am. Because of Steve's involvment, Governor Engler invited him and my mother to his residence, along with about 200 other people, for a little dinner/get together.
She declined, in favor of doing laundry, stamping prices on items for a garage sale, and watching Law and Order. After much prying, she tells me she doesn't want to go because "Steve would leave me in the corner alone anyway".

Regardless, she could, and should just go talk to people, say "Screw him", and have a wonderful time of her own, because she is an independent and capable woman. This could have been a big break for her career. Hell, even if it wouldn't help her career, it'd be fun. Hell, even if it weren't fun, you're in the Governor's mansion, how the often will that happen in your life? I just don't understand her, and am slightly mad at her for staying here tonight. I told her I would do the laundry, and the garage sale things, and pick up my sister from my Grandma's, but she refused. Grrr...

This will be the last day I spend in Comstock Park, Michigan. Tonight I'll probably sleep at my girlfriends house, just in time to drive two hours down to Albion, hand her over to thousands of eager men, and leave a basketcase. See: August 24, 2000. I've always hated the male gender for how simple minded they are in their selection of women, but now I hate it even more. My girlfriend has big breasts, a small waist, and a beautiful smile. She can't even go into a Meijer store without getting hit on by at least two guys. The more I think about how many guys she could have, the luckier I feel to have had her for so long, and the more scared I get that something bad will happen. I haven't gotten in a fight since freshman year of high school, but if I hear about any guy groping her at a party, his head is coming back to Ann Arbor mounted on my radio antenna. I suppose I would finally have a use for lifting every other day as a religion.

I don't understand how is it possible to trust someone so much, and love them so much, but be so scared that they'll forget about you? Its not every day that someone moves out of the house they were born into and moves two hours away, and as my ex-roommate Cliff O'Malley says, "Duuude, bitches, when they get in college man...freshmen and stuff, man... they're fucked UP."

Thanks, Cliff, have another beer. But seriously, most people know how much people change in their freshman year of college, and from talking to people, girls get hit harder than guys do. "You can change your mind, if you have one." - Quest for Glory 1, EGA version. Will she change so much that she's not interested in me anymore? I just pray to God not. For the reader's understand, yes, Pam is my first love, but so much more than that. In 10 months of knowing her, her and I have the connection that took 4-5 years of building with my best friend, we've got ESP, we've got each others timing, all the best parts of a cooperative relationship exist, and the communication never ceases to amaze me. If we fight, it lasts for maybe 3-4 hours, tops. My cat stays mad at me for longer than that.

Tonight I'm going to have to hug the frog that Pam gave me very close to try to get to sleep. Because tomorrow(Saturday), I have to set my love free, and trust that she'll return to me. I have to let go. I'd rather just hold her forever.

Today was pretty good. How many times have I been able to say that? Woke up around 8:30 this morning and got ready for work. Yeah, work. Best way to start the day. Started out by putting 20% off stickers on carafes. As I was placing one of the red squares on a Snow Village display, with only the clicking of my sale gun to keep me company, I heard a high-pitched voice say, "Miss, I would like to buy some dishes." I look up, and there is Jessica! She came to keep me company after working at the GAP. She followed me around the store as I made the price changes, it was nice to have company. But she was tired and needed to get some sleep, so I sent her home. The day wore on, I finished up one roll of sale tape and had to refill the gun (that's always exciting - I never know if it's gonna work). Had a lady come in with an inch-thick pile of coupons. When I told her you could only use one per purchase, she decided to mak a fuss. Sigh. Thankfully I got out of there at 4:30.

Schmoo and I went to Meyer Music to get a liar for his trombone. I had to use my debit card since neither of us had any money. I was half afriad, half wanting to see my ex-boyfriend working there again. I don't know why. My mind plays all sorts of cruel tricks on me.

Band camp wasn't so bad tonight, probably because I wasn't sicking up. There were a million mosquitos, which didn't do much for my mood. After we were dismissed, Schmoo and I drove around the parking lot blasting some Rammstein with all the windows down, headbanging away. Well, I was watching Schmoo do the headbanging, anyway. It's not nearly as impressive since he cut his hair, but he's still the master. Hopefully he scared some people (he seems to enjoy doing that).

Now I am at home, in a house devoid of any food whatsoever since my mom is in West Viginia on business. My dad doesn't know how to go grocery shopping. I don't have time to go. My brother is too busy fucking his girlfriend downstairs to think about getting some dinner. So I guess I'll sit here and be hungry. Goodnight.

work: Just had the weirdest day at work. So I'm working late and my team leader and the guy I don't like get into an argument. I'm just trying to get some shit done and the guy I don't like comes up to me and tells me my team leader just said "then why don't you resign". I'm thinking "fuck ya", but instead I just shrug my shoulders and go back to work.

fastforward 30 minutes: I'm just about done with the stuff holding me late, I'm just wanting to get out of the joint because they have been basically yelling at each other the entire time. The guy I don't like comes up to me and starts telling me what has been "going down" all i do is shrug and say "I don't know what to say". What I want to say is "maybe you should consider resigning."

Basically I've had problems with this guy since he started and I've considered saying something to my team leader for a while. (it's only been a couple months) I was just starting to calm down and be cool with this guy, but tomorrow I'm telling my team leader I'm with him, "this guy sux, give me a raise". :)

i wonder about the state of the universe
when i can walk and see such beautiful
things and think such terrible thoughts,
all directed towards myself as if i
deserve the self abuse, and i implore..
i am smarter than this. i can fix it.
it will just take some time.

I feel like I'm dumping all of my problems on you, a lot, but you're so good to talk to and it just spills from my head so easily. I just want to say, that if you ever get sick of hearing my crap, and just want me to shut up.. tell me please. I don't ever want to be an annoyance. Thank you for listening, it means a lot to me..

they talked about me at work today,
she said, her and friends, people
that i went to school with for most
of my life and she has now clashed
with that whole portion of my life.
it is more than strange but i think
that i like it. he.. used to make
jokes at my expense, little nothings
compared to the torment i endured
from others. he told her, today, to
pass along to me that he is sorry
if he ever made me feel bad. he
could remember the times they made
me cry at school.. it made me smile.
i thought i had been the only one who
noticed how horribly they treated me.
i was wrong, so perfectly wrong.

                 
               i've been invited to several
                  varying locations this weekend
               but may choose to bother with
            none of them, simply because i
               don't know if i'm strong enough
              to face possible confrontation.
            this is stupid, i know.. i can
                  fix it too. need more time.

It would seem that sometimes I can't articulate the thoughts, the cruel ones that is, that float around in my head concerning myself. I think this is because they are so stupidly false that they shouldn't even exist. I'll push them out, yet..

You, you always seem to make me forget.. you make me slip back into the somewhat logical portion of my thought'y matter. For this, I am grateful because I've been slipping lately, just a little more and more but.. undone it shall be, some time, I'm sure of it. I can't say, can't tell most people the thoughts I've been having or the way I feel towards myself because they wouldn't understand and I do realize that it is in my head, and only I can fix it.

           "only YOU can prevent forest fires."

Thanks, Smokey.

back | days | front

---

It doesn't matter

If there was a special daylog nodetype that didn't get votes or add to my node total, I'd use it. Votes don't matter. XP doesn't matter. Node totals don't matter.

Good Nodes Matter

Hmm, it will be ironic if someone agrees enough to cool this daylog, or vote it up. Therefore I ask you, "Please don't cool or upvote this node" If you like this daylog, or any other of my nodes, please /msg me or send me an email (address on my homenode)

I suppose I could be viewed as a hypocrite for taking a moral high ground over noding and XP; I've been complaining to nate and dem bones about discrepancies between the number of votes I get and the number of XP I gain. I started off from a purely XP seeking, selfish point of view, but now I want it fixed because it is exposing a bug in E2.

Bugs are evil, and should be stamped on.

8:10 BST

80 pence. 80 pence to travel about a mile on our new bus routes, as opposed to 30 pence before. I am so annoyed at our bus company right now. Well, at least the weather is nice. (ack! "Briton talking about weather" alert!)

Things are so hectic at the moment. We're preparing for the most important trade show of our year, and the managers are panicking. They keep running around saying obvious things like: "Have you got enough power cables?" or "Are you sure it works?"

I keep wanting to say "Chill dudes, smoke some pot or drink some beer"

10:10 BST

Muhahahahaaa! Our product manager is leaving next week, and his top of the range Vaio laptop is up for grabs. I suggested to our general manager that I should keep the laptop as a backup PC in case any of our PCs break during the trade show. He agreed! Yay for me! I get a really nice laptop to play with!

Ahem! :-)

11:50 BST

More from the much-too-long daylog of me! I'm trying to get socks5 working on my Linux box, tunneling through a Microsoft Proxy server... Why does Microsoft make their products just slightly different from everyone else's?

ICQ for windows NT 4 is 6.25 MB in size - why?

12:50 BST

My General Manager just blew up at me. We were walking towards our test room and I asked about taking a digital camera to the trade show. As we got into the room and closed the door, he started shouting at me! He said that I shouldn't have such trivial things as digital cameras in my mind, that I shouldn't have internet browsers up on my screen all the time, that I should grow up, that I should stop being so naive, that I am too wet behind the ears, that I'm not doing myself any favours, that I'm "a bright lad, but I need to be more professional".

I mumbled something about not realising I had annoyed him, but I was almost in tears. What is it about Sony's management culture that makes managers bottle everything up and then rip your head off? I'm a flippant, silly kind of person. I'm not about to change any time soon, and certainly not because some managers want my outsides to be more like their dead, zombie insides.

---

More later!

Day two, a monkey dropped a coconut on the generator last night, so I am writing this on my clockwork laptop...

Well, it's another typical Friday. Got up, bathed, got the tube.. Oh, something happened on the tube today. I travel from zone 3 to zone 5, which means I am going the opposite way to most of the commuters and travelling away from the city centre in the morning, so I usually get on a fairly empty carriage. My lass goes the other way and rarely gets a seat. So I boarded, parked my arse and got out my book. Then I noticed this bag, sitting on the floor a couple of seats to my left. It was a fairly large, paper bag that looked the type you might acquire when purchasing women's clothing on Oxford Street. The first thing that went through my mind was obviously, "bomb"

I looked at the other passengers and then the doors shut and the train set off. There were about eight of us in that carriage and three were sitting as close as me to Bag. Each one looked me in the eye as if to ask, "Are you concerned enough to do anything about this because I am shitting myself, but feel stupid making a fuss?"

I realised I was no more sensible than them and tried to ignore Bag while I read my book. However, at the next station the tube stopped for longer than usual and we started to feel more uneasy. Suddenly an employee of the London Underground came into the carriage, said to me, "I'm guessing this is not yours?" scooped up Bag and left.

Relief.

For the next eight hours I shall most likely try to look busy, altough I have almost nothing to do at work. The good bit will be filling my hard drive with stuff to take home because then I'll be able to spend the weekend checking it out and cutting CDs with my new toy that I set up yesterday.

After that I am off to meet my lass and her mate at the pub, have a couple of pints of Guinness and go for a Chinese meal at Local Friends. After that it'll be the offy and home to watch some DVDs and probably have a smoke.

Tomorrow is bank holiday weekend, so I will have three days in a row off work (and offline) for the first time this year. This pleases me.

Today I had a lovely chat with Jinmyo about foodie stuff. She reckons that I should node some food things. I'm on such a Japanese roll* at the moment that I don't feel like I'll be up for air for days.

Did some very satisfying research on the history and current state of the yakuza, noded it all, and kept filling out the Sanrio panopoly of characters. Felt really good noding Shintaro Tsuji, a man I have great respect for.

An upshot of all the yakuza research is that I now have in my possession the complete list of "designated addresses" for the 35 most dangerous criminal groups in Japan. I've got a yen to visit the Tokyo-based groups. When sharing this little story with Gemma, was told I was a bloody idiot, why would anyone want to visit the yakuza at their headquarters?!? I told her that they all the best yakuza HQ's had a t-shirt concession. She was horrified, and threw a dishtowel at me when I couldn't keep a straight face any longer.

Cooked a tasty Bolognese sauce tonight wth biodynamic beef, served it on artisan penne and with organic brocolli, sugar-snap peas, and fresh corn kernels.

It's Friday night. I really should get off this thing.

* a Maki.

science does not determine reality, reality determines science:
my best friend has told me that she wants to become a philosopher. I'm impressed. gives me a new partner in drunken existential angst.

my one piece of jumping-around-worthy excitement today came with the news that the cure is coming to Brisbane, Australia (reluctant home town) for the first time since 1978.

I've been miss morality queen for today and not entirely sure why. I can't be bothered with most people anymore. I can't be bothered liking them, so why should I be bothered hating them? people confuse me muchly. and I'm one of them.

prev daylog next daylog

This is going to be my last daylog for a long time. I'm just about done with preparations for my trip to the dolomites. All the bags are packed and I'm almost ready to go. I'm going on a hiking trip with my girlfriend. I've been outdoors like crazy in my life, but mostly it was in the army. I've never gone on a hiking trip, so I'm looking forward to it. It's amazing how little fits inside a 65-liter bag. You have to have a sleeping bag, sandals (trekking sandals which are also useful for showers, etc.), clothes, and various other tiny things. I've cut the original amount of clothes I was going to take to about half. I'm going on a 2 and a half week trip with just 4 pairs of socks, two trousers (one spare), and 4 T-shirts. It sucks that it's cold there at night, because warm clothes take up tons of space. I've also got to carry the tent, which gives me automatically about 3 extra kilograms. My girlfriend is carrying the toiletteries and first aid stuff.

Did you notice how the word 'toiletteries' makes it look like a poofy hotel trip, instead of a more rugged hiking trip? The first aid kit cancells that out slightly, though. (I won't mention that the first aid kit includes band-aids with pictures of animals.)

Silly unimportant things end up taking all the space, like shaving lotion. That just takes up too much space for it's very limited use. However, I am not about to itch for two weeks, so that kind of stuff has to come with us.

A funny thing happened last night. I'm meeting up with Rutger, an old friend of mine from Kenya in Padova on Saturday. He's from Holland, but he's there on a business trip, so it's really cool that we're both in Italy at the same time, and yet difficult to coordinate the meeting. Thank God for mobile phones. He called me at 2:00 am to discuss when we'd meet. My flatmate picked up the phone at the same time as me, both us having been woken up by the phone. There were a few furtive minutes of 'Hello?'s, until I realised what was happening, and told him it's for me. He was still half asleep, so he didn't really understand what I was talking about. I tried to explain some more, until I realised that Rutger was waiting to talk to me, and was calling me long distance. So I told Rutger to talk, and that my flatmate will realise at some point that the call is for me. It took him almost a minute until he understood that it was for me. I found that hilarious.

Another topic of hilarity in that conversation was my girlfriend's bladder. She went to pee when the phone rang, and when Rutger asked me where she was, I told him. Then she came back, and after about 5 minutes, she went again. At that moment he asked me if she had come back, which was very funny, and got us talking about Monty Python at 2:10 am. (We talked about how my girlfriend saw the Marathon for people with extremely weak bladders, and didn't understand why it was funny). There was more talk of girlfriends and bladders and so forth. It was the longest conversation we have had in about 2 years.

Yesterday I went to my step-brother's wedding. It wasn't too exciting, except that my mother made her whole family come, including my grandfather, who is 92. That pissed me off. Her husband's son is getting married. Who gives a rat's ass? So I sat with my granddad, and tried to make him a bit happier, while dance music was all around. He really didn't enjoy it.

A funny thing happened when I went to talk to my step-sister. I sat next to her, we talked, and the second dish was served. So we just ate it there, although those weren't our seats. I drank from the cups, etc., and then I thought "Wait, I am sitting in someone's seat". So I asked who's seat it was and was told it's my step-brother's mom's seat. Now I'm sure she would have loved to come to her seat and find her ex-husband's new wife's son sitting in her seat, especially with the love-hate realtionship without the love part, that she has with him.

And finally, on a note of annoyance (I hope my brother surfs E2 and reads this): my brother's going out with a girl who seems harmless enough. But she smokes, apparently. Well, my brother was all against smoking like a maniac until a couple of months ago. I thought we had taught him well. I was wrong. He smoked with her. I am sure he started because of her, and it's a pity for some girl to fuck up his life. I guess there's four ways out when your girlfriend smokes. It's almost impossible to remain apathetic, I think, but I'll leave that as an option. An easy one is to split up, but that's a last resort option. The two remaining options are:

1. Start smoking
2. Make her quit. It doesn't always work, but if you're not worth her stopping to quit over, she's not worth being with. That's my philosophy, anyway.

I chose number 2. with my girlfriend. He chose number 1. Oh well...

15:08 EET

Friday. The best day of the week.
And it's such a good day for noding, too. Most of the coworkers are stuck at a meeting for the entire afternoon, giving me the perfect chance to weasel out of anything important and node on. If questions of my unproductivity raise their ugly heads, I'll just go with explanations about some code related problems that have slowed me down.

Break - the hardest working person in the business!

Thanks to Dizzy about complementing my home node. How could *I* (apparently) be the first one with such an idea? The ASCII-picture will probably stay there even after I reach level 6. That will still take a while though, so I have time to come up with something interesting.
I also like Dizzy's idea of day logs nobody could vote for. At least it might decrease the amount of stupid whining - see my rant in yesterday's enrtry.

I still didn't spot any Hell's Angels while walking through downtown Hämeenlinna. Most of them should be arriving today, and according to estimates some 400-700 bikers will be occupying the nearby castle/hotel. I'll stay alert for any bazooka attacks. :)

3 more hours to the epic minigolf battle. I wonder if I should try to prepare myself with tibetian meditation or putting practice? Or how about noding?
I'd better visit a junk food place to keep my stomach content through the match of the decade. I'll be back.


To be continued...

Today's Writeups
Dream Log: August 25, 2000 | playing a record at the wrong speed | Roland S-50 | Roland S-330 | Roland S-550 | Roland SH-5

Last night very little got done. When I got off work, I simply went to CompUSA to pick some stuff up, and went home. I ate two hotdogs, drank 2 screwdrivers, watched the simpsons, and went to bed, now this morning on the other hand I did a lot. I overslept, I broke the land speed record, between Nacogdoches and Lufkin and still was 30 minutes late to work. I haven't stopped moving since I got here, until now.
Ya ever just know it's gonna be one of those days?

My first daylog.

My last day at work for three weeks. (Sounds of cheering)

Today I was complimented on the quality of my French by a Belgian. I never thought working in Tech Support would have such benefits. I'm unlikely to need my knowledge of Swedish any time soon, though.

On the other hand, my node about the topology of Everything was somewhat spoiled by my totally incorrect recollection of what was once one of my best subjects. The node has been put out of its misery.

Some of my nodes are skyrocketing and totally popular. Others seem to be downvote bait. I feel I am the target of systematic downvoting. I shouldn't care this much about nodes, but I do.

My birthday is approaching, along with two consecutive holidays with wonderful people.

I'm hoping that I come back to a different job from the one I've got now.

The online comic Sluggy Freelance turned three today. Soon the strip might even start babbling a little more comprehensively and ambling around clumsily. Congrats Pete!

If you haven't read it yet, three years of comics only takes about five hours to wade through if you're determined enough.