New on Bravo this fall!

They've done it again! The people who brought you Queer Eye For The Straight Guy, the smash hit show that features five fabulous gay men who don't threaten your sexuality or bring back uncomfortable, confusing memories of 'experiments' at summer camp, have created a new show!

Brutha's Plan For The White Man

Featuring a cast of five nonthreatening stereotypes who'll make you laugh while allowing you to pretend you're hip, "with it", and not really racist at heart, even though the closest black friend you have is the guy who makes your cappuccino! What's his name? DeShawn? DeMarcus? Something like that . . .

Meet the Funky Five!

Bravo searched high and low for five safe, comfortable, and laugh-out-loud ethnic stereotypes that will let you pretend that black people don't make you uncomfortable, while reinforcing societal ideas to make sure they know their place! These black folks aren't scary, they're fun! Just like the sanitized queers that make up the Fab Five, who are free of scary things like buttfucking and cocksucking, these nice black people will be sure not to challenge you in any way!

Each black person on Brutha has their own special area of black knowledge, and every week they find a non-funky Middle American white person, make them over, and teach them about their strange black customs. You'll feel like you already know the Funky Five, because each one represents an idea that has been drummed into your head your whole life by sitcoms, movies, and black comics.

But let's not waste any more time! It's time to meet the Funky Five and see what each one is an expert at!

Kwashana - soul

This strong black woman understands soul, and she'll try to help yo' white ass, even though she's not scared to tell you the truth: "It's a black thing, you wouldn't understand!"

Rashid - dance

Like all black men, Rashid knows how to shake his ass. He's studied the rich spectrum of African American movement, from tap to breakdancing! He can make even the most rhythm-impaired white person look funky as hell!

DeAndre - speech

Yo dawg! DeAndre gonna teach you how to talk like a brutha! Even if yo' name is Biff and you like to play raquetball with the guys from your law firm, DeAndre can teach you how to talk to yo' homies - you'll learn to say "Fo' shizzle, my nizzle!" and "I'ma bust a cap in yo' ass" without getting laughed at or having the shit beat out of you!

ShaZanda - that one snapping thing that really fascinates white people

ShaZanda's a sistah with attitude, just like every other sistah on every other TV show! She's an expert at waving her arm while snapping repeatedly and saying such things as, "Oh no you didn't!" and "I know you did not just say what I think you just said!" You'll be the envy of all your white friends who admire your new urban sass.

Mammy - soul food

Mammy is an older black woman who serves up down-home cookin' spiced with folk wisdom and an acid tongue. Every show ends with the newly funky white person cooking up a big ol' mess o' black-eyed peas, collard greens, and Mammy's secret family recipe for fried chicken - and you better not try to look at her secret spice mixture. You think you too old for Mammy to whoop yo' ass?

Get yo' funk on!

Don't worry, Brutha won't get political. These black people aren't worried about reparations for slavery, affirmative action, or the fact that black people tend to earn less money than whites, live in blighted urban areas, and go to worse public schools. Would we lie to you? After all, Ted Allen may have spent ten years with his lover, but that doesn't mean he stops the action on Queer Eye to remind you that he'd like to get married.

You like black people, just as long as it's not late at night in a dark alley! So tune in to Brutha's Plan For The White Man, every week next fall on Bravo! If you don't get Bravo, ask yo' cable company why they always tryin' to keep the black man down!