Declan the humble crab and Kate the Lobster Princess were madly,
deeply and passionately in love. For months they enjoyed an
idyllic relationship until one day Kate scuttled over to Declan in
tears.
"We can't see each other anymore...." she sobbed.
"Why?" gasped Declan.
"Daddy says crabs are too common," she wailed. "He claims you, a
mere crab and a poor one at that, are the lowest class of
crustacean...
and that no daughter of his will marry someone who can only walk
sideways."
Declan was shattered and scuttled sidewards away into the darkness
and to drink himself into a filthy state of aquatic oblivion.
That night, the great Lobster Ball was taking place. Lobsters came
from far and wide, dancing and merry making, but the lobster
Princess refused to join in, choosing instead to sit by her
father's side, inconsolable. Suddenly the doors burst open, and
Declan the crab strode in. The Lobsters all stopped their
dancing, the Princess gasped and the King Lobster rose from his
throne.
Slowly, painstakingly, Declan the crab made his way across the
floor...and all could see that he was walking not sideways, but
FORWARDS, one claw after another! Step by step he made his
approach towards the throne, until he finally looked King Lobster
in the eye. There was a deadly hush.
Finally, the crab spoke:
"F**k me, I'm pissed" |
