Eating kiwi fruit

• Open your mouth.
• Place a part of the fruit in between your teeth.
• Close your mouth, using your tongue to reposition the part that has been bitten off between your molars, or wherever you feel the fruit would best be chewed (this can be tricky, but practice makes perfect, so just keep trying and you'll get it).
• Chew 32 times (so as not to choke on your favorite 'hairy fruit').
• Use the tongue to push the food to the back of your mouth (ha ha) and swallow.
• Success or failure is determined by the amount of kiwi in your stomach, as opposed to that which ends up on your shirt (bib if you had the foresight and you're a messy eater).

Good luck, and have fun eating that kiwi!

   /------\
   | KIWI |  <--- cut here
   \------/

I have obtained at some point in the past the perfect tool to eat kiwi fruit with. It's a green plastic spoon emblazoned with the phrase 'The world's finest' and a New Zealand Kiwi Fruit logo. The tip of the handle is sharp enough to plunge into the ripe fruit, and the edge of the handle is serrated so as to make cutting the kiwi fruit in half a snap. The spoon has been shaped so as to have a pointy end (perfect for thrusting into the fruit) and sharp edges to allow the user to easily scoop out a chunk of the green flesh.

It's a triumph of modern engineering.