Everything2
Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Full Text
Everything2

Girls can wank in a ladylike fashion

created by recursive

(idea) by Alpheus (5 mon) (print)   ?   1 C! I like it! Mon Oct 23 2000 at 21:38:17

girls smell sweet and look all petite
and guys are big and tall
girls can wank in a ladylike fashion
but guys can't wank at all

the ladies don't take to guys that wank
they set themselves too far above
and what they don't know is that guys will go
for girls that don't shun love

so girls, be yourselves! don't hem and haw
about a wank here and there
because after a while, you'll learn with a smile
that guys prefer humans to air


(idea) by Alchemy (6.9 mon) (print)   ?   2 C!s I like it! Wed Jun 06 2001 at 21:41:37

Contrary to fondue's statement*, I am under the conviction that "wanking" is synonymous with masturbation - gender irrelevant. Female friends of mine often refer to their daily rituals (yes, daily) as "wanking", not frigging.

Even if I am wrong, let's just assume that "wanking" in this node means "masturbation". In this case, female masturbation.

How to masturbate discretely as a female

Before I get started, I should probably point out that I am a guy and thusly can't vouch for these personally - however, they are based on hints and stories given to me by female friends. So they might work. Or not. If it doesn't work, at least you'll only look silly once.

The most popular method of masturbating discretely for girls/women is to simply rub their legs together. If done at the right angle, it can provide mild stimulation to the clitoris. This is particularly useful in public or in crowded places - as long as no one is watching you directly (your facial expression will probably give it away). However, it does come at the cost opportunity of having to go to the loo to finish the job.

Besides, in any case, a woman masturbating is far less repulsive than a man masturbating. The "standard" mental image of a man masturbating is a sweaty dork with his pants around his ancles, ogling at naked chicks on his computer screen, and beating his monkey like a possessed man. The "standard" mental image of a woman masturbating is a sensual, enduring process which starts at the breasts, continues onwards to the vagina, and gradually builds up to a clinching climax of ecstacy - all while soft jazz music is inexplicably playing in the background, and dimmed lights.

Of course, reality is far worse, but stereotypes wouldn't have it any other way.

* Since removed from this wu, presumably by a deity of some sort.


printable version
chaos

girl smell frigging Breastsummer Bliss and the Art of Shower Massage Masturbation
Tricks girls use to look like they swallow Why do humans enjoy beauty (generic beauty, not the beauty of preferred sex)? How to increase the volume of male ejaculate Female masturbation
Popeye Syndrome Your hands do the work of 10,000 highly trained lesbian jumping beans It's all a blank, which makes me think something far far worse has actually happened Female hard-on
La petite mort Starting Java wank How long does it take to wash church off?
Speak offensive Japanese today! The Shifting Realities of Philip K. Dick Death Cab for Cutie How many men/women masturbate?
Sekihan breasts Directions to Monkey Island They Might Be Giants
Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.
  Epicenter
Login
Password

password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Cool Staff Picks
Drink up!
harmony
How to escape domestic violence
Too Shy to be Pretty
Ants on a log
G.E. Moore
A Sniper in Every Minaret
The Russian Revolution: Fictional diary entries from a loyalist factory worker
Moon River
Pan
E2 lyrics noding standard
Comics Code Authority
Chimera
Chronology of the Crusades
New Writeups
Ouzo
Goodwill Hunting, Thrift Store(ies)(log)
Pandeism Fish
How conatus compels divine ketosis through a radical kenosis(essay)
cryforhelp
Major dictionaries of the world(review)
Glowing Fish
The Uncanny X-Men and the New Teen Titans(thing)
WolfKeeper
Launch loop(idea)
TendoKing
Katana(person)
Wuukiee
Highly ornamental cultivars of brambles still have as many thorns as their wild counterparts(idea)
TheDeadGuy
Editor Log: May 2008(log)
everyday j.Lo
pray do not molest them(thing)
ammie
Bands Who Take Their Names from Eighteenth-century English Poetry and Prose(idea)
shaogo
Under My Thumb(review)
ammie
Rock On(person)
The Custodian
The Dresden Files(thing)
Ouzo
PETA becomes you, a proposed future(fiction)
Ereneta
Stone Soup, Part Two(fiction)
This page courtesy of The Everything Development Company