My dog barfed five times today. I am in awe of her stomach capacity, as each successive "gift" was even larger than the previous. How much brown goo can a 50 pound dog hold? Way more than you would expect. I guess she has the flu or something. So why am I being punished? Perhaps someone else could clean up one of the ruptures.
At dinner my parents continued their campaign to act parental with my younger brother. In so doing such phrases as, "So what did you have for lunch today?" and "How was soccer practice?" were heard. On the other side of the table, my chicken was dry and stringy.
My mother, apparently attempting to foster sociability and other qualities neglected during my own upbringing, began this line of questioning: "So, John, have you looked into joining some clubs at the high school yet?"
He, indignant: "Why would I do that?"
Her, patronizing: "So you can learn from different kinds of people."
He, mocking: "I think it would be better for other people to learn from my club."
Her, trepidacious: "Your club?"
I, apprehensive: This will not be good.
He, boastful: "Me and Dan are starting an atheism club."
The clang of a dropped fork, and everyone started eating faster. In the next room, I thought I heard my dog barfing. My mom took off her glasses and started at the downturned head of my brother. She sat rigid... poised... trembling... reddening.
"Atheism?!"
My brother avoided eye contact.
I left the table to clean up after the dog. I slipped out the living room window, into my car, and drove away as fast as I fucking could.
I ain't stupid enough to be no hero. |
