Hank, the Angry, Drunken Dwarf

Just when you think Hell is going to bubble up through the cracks and take over the world, people band together and say NO to Leonardo DiCaprio. Kinda makes me feel all warm and squishy inside.

Henry J. Nasiff
April 20, 1962 - September 4, 2001

Standing a proud 4' 1", Hank worked in dinner theater until he got his big break August 16, 1996, when he and a friend drove to New York City in an attempt to get on the Howard Stern Show with a vigil outside of the K-Rock studios at 5:30 A.M. and caught the eye of Stern's men.

Hank appeared on Stern's show as part of Howard's "Wack Pack" more than two-dozen times, often in a pink bunny suit. His popularity hit a lifetime high in 1998 when he was elected World's Most Beautiful Person in an on-line poll.

Hank had a website, hankthedwarf.com, where he doled out angry, drunken wisdom, sold witty key chains, and hired himself out for parties. For the right amount of money, Hank would tend bar, give lapdances, sing karaoke, or berate party guests in the way that only an angry, drunken dwarf can do.

Hank died of seizure disorder, alcohol abuse, and chondrodystrophy, which is a growth disorder. He was 39.

Sources

http://dailynews.yahoo.com/htx/eo/20010904/en/howard_stern_s_hank_the_dwarf_dies_1.html

Medical examiner's paper stating cause of death:
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/riphank1.shtml

I had read the title for this node often before, never clicking on it. At least six times, in fact. But it's a good name, Hank the Angry Drunken Dwarf, I thought each time it crossed paths with me.

Good ring to it. Very fantasy sounding, no? You can imagine Hank, angry and drunk, in one hand booze, in the other, axe, slashing up orcs like any good stereotype-fantasy dwarf.

And that got me thinking.

In my next chance as GM, while playing Gurps, all the guys gathered round. Only some of my friends, called Stevil, Adam, Toby and Kev could make it, so we in a comic way, rather than a realistic aproach.

Anyway, back to the point. There they were, Crossbowman, a Strider, a Mage and a Firebreather. They were working on an adventure where they had started tackling the undead. I can't remember it all, but I can remember fitting into the spirit of the evening as they found the Cells. Then I had an idea.
"as you ask round the prison for a healer, an old woman in red suggests you talk to Hank."
"Hank?" asked Toby, three health from unconsciousness.
"From the back of the room, in the darkness, you hear someone reply: F'koff."
"Who says that?"
"Hank, apparently."

The rest of the evening was filled with Hank. I portrayed him as an angry alchoholic, good with an axe- and while helping them, omnipresently, was never actually seen by the party, and only did Father Jack impressions. (I.E. He only said "F'koff! Drink! F'k!" Etc.)

For some reason, he was one of the most popular parts of that campaign. Every now and again, he still makes a cameo- "As you walk through the gates, one of the guards mumbles something. 'F'koff'."

For portraying this man as I assumed, who I never met, for turning him into a joke, I am sorry. But maybe he'd liked to hear the party laugh.