I tend to forget, far more frequently than I remember, that every so often I've (elevated) volatile emotions. I lose control, more or less, of my thought patterns and a sense of desperation seems to attach itself to all aspects of my life.
It's usually not until afterwards that it occurs to me why I just spent an entire week feeling off, far away, sad, infinitely lonely. I wish it were more of a relief, when I realize that most of the intense emotions I felt were based on hormonal changes. Of course, the feelings were there, to a point. It would seem that for at least one week every month I'm doomed to suffer from some sort of depression, and inevitably, tears.
Some females happen to get very.. easily agitated in such instances as that which I am referring to, I happen to slip into depression for a week beforehand. I forget, too, I completely forget and there is no one that would know to remind me, though I doubt it would help anyway. This leaves me wondering, though, just how real any of those tears might have been. How real were the feelings behind them? Then again, how real are any of my feelings when so much goes on at once, so many unexplainable awkward moments, glances, stares. How am I to know what is right, wrong, real, false reality..
Sometimes, I much prefer to twist the world to fit my view rather than broadening it to take in all that it would have me, were it possible for me to comprehend so much. This eventually will not work due to severe though possibly not obvious flaws.. but for the time being, it is dreamy enough for me. |
