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How to kill yourself on a motorcycle
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riverrun
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riverrun
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1
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Fri Feb 16 2001 at 11:41:12
Buy the
biggest, heaviest, fastest bike
you can find, especially if you've never ridden before.
Teach yourself how to ride
.
Let your friend teach you how to ride
.
Don't wear a
helmet
.
Don't wear leather, gloves, boots, glasses/goggles or any other sort of protective gear
.
Change lanes frequently
without looking or signaling.
Assume
everybody else can see you.
Assume
the old lady stopped with her blinker on is not going to turn left in front of you cause she can see you too.
Assume
the teenager/old man/mom with a toddler in a VW/Cadillac/Suburban
behind you
is going to stop at the light just because you do.
Never check your mirrors
.
Assume
nobody
is ever gonna back out of a driveway without looking.
Turn the handlebars in the direction you wish to travel
.
Lane-split
just because it's legal in California.
As long as you're at it, bust the double-yellow line for the
car-pool lane
as often as you can.
Be sure to
flip off
anybody you feel does not respect your right to behave like a maniac.
Use
the maximum acceleration available to your
crotch rocket
from every stop. You want to go as fast as you possibly can to the next light so you can slam on the brakes once you get there.
Never use the rear brake.
Should you mistakenly apply the rear brake and lock up the rear wheel, release the brake immediately so your rear wheel unlocks at the same time the front wheel is pointed in a direction you do not wish to go.
Do not learn the definition and prevention of a "
high-side
" accident.
Apply too much brake on a wet road, especially right after it rains.
Do not learn the definition and prevention of a "
low-side
" accident.
Take your
girl friend
out for a ride the day you get your bike instead of waiting for a few thousand miles.
Make sure she wears her
shortest skirt
so the two of you are stylin'.
Smoke your
doobie
before
you get on the bike, that way ashes won't blow down her blouse.
Always always always have "
one for the road
." That way the two of you can be together for
eternity
.
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