Everything Day Logs Yesterday | Tomorrow
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JeffMagnus node count: 3893 (9 new since July 27, 2000) JeffMagnus experience: 8736 (187 more since July 27, 2000) JeffMagnus experience to node ratio: 2.244 XP per node JeffMagnus nodeshare: 0.621% JeffMagnus node of the day: comp.os.msdos.programmer FAQ
Busy day today....went back to the gym this morning for my Wellness Check. The good news is that they did have my records from March 99 and even better lot's of progress made since then! To date:
Weight loss - 27 lbs Inches lost - 22" Body fat dropped by 4.3% putting me in the good range(woohoo!) Treadmill test went from 141 beats per minute at 3 mph for 5 minutes to 120 beats per minute at 3 mph for 5 minutes. Life is good! Flexiblity is still in the poor range so I have some work to do and she wants me to increase my protien in my diet to gain more lean muscle. New knowledge is that my body metabolizes differently after having been imobile for so long. Even though I've been working at this for over a year, it's still going to take a while because they didn't do therapy while I was sick.
Called and told my counselor at rehab that I would like to apply for a job as an Airline Reservationist. He's sending me a list of Job Developement companies for me to choose from. The last job I tried was a disaster. No one really understood what my problems were and I have no skills as to how to solve them in the workplace. Their job is to explain to my employer what help I may need to do the job, as well as helping me with problem solving strategies. Number Two Son and I went down to the High School and registered. He seems happy with the classes he's in. He'll be taking Global Studies, Biology, Art 1-2, Algebra 3-4,and Business Tech (computers).
Tonight's sunset was colorfully glorious, so many yellows and rose pinks, with different shades of grey clouds floating across the face of the sun as it went down. As I walked I recalled these things written by Lamed-Ah-Zohar
~"Thought is simply this: It is the clothing that you, through belief, put upon events...events have occured, that's just how it is, but you absolutely have a choice as to how you see the event, how you clothe it....you can alter how it is impressed upon your mind...We can decide how an event will effect us....We are the dark titan who, when destroyed, returns from the bloody foam as beauty made manifest~
Catharsis and the Cloth of Echoes
Throughout my childhood my family moved often, uprooted as many as three or four times a year. The pain of losing friendships still affects me today, I treasure them.....afraid they'll disappear. There was, however, a place I could count on staying the same: my grandparents' home.
A home built by my grandparents and their neighbors it sits in a small cove in the midst of miles of farmland. Each time I visited them I came home to things just as I remembered them. As we would come to sit at the table for a meal, Grandfather would read (what seemed like forever) a chapter from the Bible while the smells of Grandmother's meal watered our mouths. Then Grandmother would say the blessing and we could eat. The constancy of their home was something I counted on; it was always there, providing a haven of love and belonging.
Lord you have been our dwelling place in all generations. -Psalm 90:1 (NRSV)
Devotion
Yesterday | Dizzy->Day_Logs() | Tomorrow
8:30 BST
As I walked into work, I daydreamed that I was living in a house with a river at the bottom of the garden. Yet more people trying very hard to kill each other with their cars; some of these people live closer to work than I do, why can't they walk in?
I want to see Titan A.E. on it's opening night (tonight, here in the UK) but I need someone to go with. Everyone at work is either visiting people or just plain uninterested. I want to ask my Brother, but he will be tired after a working week.
14:20 BST
Mmmm, post pub sleepiness.
Stupid problems with NT domain trust relationships, DCOM and IP address resolving. Stupid, bloody, opaque NT. I'm sure that I wouldn't have this problem with Unix, or if I did, I would be able to solve it right away.
Mental Note: send some virtual hugs and smooches to Void_Ptr for putting those Lain backdrops on her website. (Am I shallow for being made happy by these pictures?)
21:45 BST
Boredom, fatigue (not chronic), and a huge craving for chocolate, alcohol, ice cream and pornography. The problem with this is: I don't really have the money to go wasting on silly indulgences, even though I got paid today. If I stay on E2 and IRC long enough, the supermarket will close and I won't have to worry...
22:45 BST
Ah well, I succumbed to the temptation and bought some hooch, chocolate and cashew nuts. But I don't feel guilty. Much. Well, OK I do. A lot.
Argh! I failed in my resistance!
I've been waiting patiently by the phone. Ginny will be spending the following year studying in Scotland, and I absolutely must see her off in grand fashion. The problem is, I think I started calling around too late... everyone is gone, visiting home, on vacation, the phones are silent and dead and I'm wondering if Ginny has already left without a chance to wish her good luck and godspeed and that's depressing. For the past month and a half, I've been looking forward to baking her a fare-thee-well cake, and if I never get a chance to present it to her, the homemade chocolate merengue will be much more bitter than sweet.
And I've met back up with the Old Flame, if indeed you can call her that, since this was also the classic one-way obsession that I'm always in. And it's very disturbing. Sheena's gained weight, an unhealthy amount. I'm no longer attracted to her. It kind of hurts to be this shallow.
Not that her personality still holds the same allure that it once did - her jokes seem more obscure than brilliant nowadays, her mannerisms are slowed and lacking that certain flip elegance, and the constant murmur of her voice that I once lived to strain to hear, I now merely strain to hear. It's just an impediment to conversation, and I feel like I can't connect with her because of it - how do you talk to a burbling creek? How do you talk to the hiss of roadnoise? That's what she sounds like to me now. Background radiation. Blends right in. And I know that for these and other, much more miniscule reasons, that I no longer love her.
But I can't shake the feeling that if she were still healthy and (relatively) vim that I would still feel quite a bit for her. And that the weight issue is the main influence on my feelings, tugging them down with its gravity. And I feel bad. But I still don't love her anymore.
I feel as though I'm somehow perpetuating someone's anorexia with this node.
And so that is what has been happening, as I write this at the dangerously late hour of 3:35 AM (curse my salaried position! curse it, I say! From now until eternity, I demand overtime pay!) and I hope to control my Everything addiction, Pedro-like, so I can continue droppin' science for the kids.
Damn it feels good to have a wireless LAN. I sat in the kitchen and checked in on E2, which has become my morning ritual. I got one node cooled, which since I'm such a newbie, felt pretty good. Got to work on my emails, until I had to take Gemma to work (her second last day until she starts her new job in a fortnight). I was so happy to get back in and find my coffee still hot.
Mail arrived finally, and there was the cheque from Sydney for the first month's rent on our new office here in Canberra. Super cool. Spent the rest of the day organising the paperwork and seeing the estate agent. I was totally braindead up there though, I think 'cause I had two handfuls of cashew nuts for lunch. I think that my body just wants to shut down when it gets too much protein. /msged alex.tan to suggest he nodes protein but he tells me he's not a biochemist.
Collected Gemma and took her for a nice early dinner at Beluccis in Dickson. Home, walk Molly again, and check into E2. Happy to have my small but well formed family next to me. Gemma's watching telly, Molly is just being lovely...
I had to do the supermarket run this morning and now I feel pretty much totally exhausted. A whole day's energy has already been expended. My head is buzzing and I don't know what to do with myself. I could go back to bed but that's too depressing to contemplate.
Perhaps I'll be able to coax out a couple of nodes later this afternoon. Who knows I might start to feel merely awful.
How much longer do I have to wait to be free of this fucking illness?
Spent some quality time with the sofa and feel slightly restored. In any case I managed to successfully SIGHUP the cheeriness daemon.
Feeling better still this evening and managed a few nodes. Yay!
Yesterday, Tomorrow
Today is my 26th birthday - I always wondered how life would turn out for me come the new milennium, would I have a job I liked?, would I be married? would I be rich and/or famous? would I be happy?. The answer to all of the above seems to be, 'weeeelll, not really no'.
I'm not suicidal or anything so drastic, after all i've got my health, friends, money and the prospect of better days, it's just that today is my birthday and so far it ain't been nuthin' special - in fact it's been rather dire.
Things began to look ominous last night when I realised that I hadn't arranged to do anything this evening which is not only my birthday but also a FRIDAY NIGHT!
Usually I can pull a couple of buddies out of the bag and arrange a hastily put together few beers BUT of all the days for them all to have alternative arrangements today was NOT the day. As a result I am destined to a night in front of badly scheduled TV with a microwave meal and a can of Red Stripe singing 'Happy Birthday to Me' with a tear in my eye.
To make matters worse this morning has not exactly filled me with much happiness. I decided to take the day off work (it is me birthday after all!) so I enjoyed a little lie in only to remember at 11.30 that as I hadn't driven to work that my car was in great danger of receiving a parking ticket. I rushed downstairs, bleary eyed in my dressing gown into the pouring rain only to find that I had been issued with one of Lambeth Council's finest £40 parking tickets 1/2 an hour beforehand.
I have since moved the car, noticing in the process that it has been vandalised AGAIN and the stereo is fucked following an aborted attempt to steal it last weekend.
Currently I am nursing a shaving wound so severe that I am surprised that I am still alive to write about it.
Well I'm off now, I'm driving 30 miles to see an old girlfriend of mine who has just returned from 3 years in Japan. I think i'll drive at 2mph just in case my luck continues and I end up as roadkill.
Still as D:REAM once opinied,
"Thinnnnggssss, can only get better!"
10:34 a.m. where I am right now
The last day I wrote a day log/My next day log
Ah yes. Like Rimrod, today is also my last day of work. Although I am counting the minutes until its over, I'll miss the high speed internet access. Hence my presence here! It should be interesting to see how I deal with Everything withdrawl, which will occur over the next month (as my home connection sucks currently, and I may not get hooked up in my new place to avoid... well, this!).
I'll miss my desk. I'll miss some of my co-workers. And I'll definately miss the money. Then again, I won't miss playing receptionist too much. I'm not really a secretary; I just play one at work.
I'm going on a couple of hours of sleep. I had planned to stay sober at a party last night but this did not happen. Luckily, I am in that delirious stage of tiredness in which the body is practically numb. I feel fine. It was a nice gathering.
My aunt is taking me out for lunch today. Sweet!
I get to see an old friend tonight. She's working at a kids theatre camp and I'm going to see the kiddie play before we go out for a drink. Awesome. I went to see my little brother put on a play a couple of weeks ago. It was the most hilarious thing I had ever seen. Yes, it was terrible, but unbearably cute. Imagine kids, from age eight to twelve, acting out an adaption of a Japanese kabuki play. It boggles the mind.
Although it's my last day of work, I'm tempted to just node all day rather than clean out my desk or some such. I got an email which brightened my day, from a couple of friends of mine who are travelling Europe. They are in Cannes right now, and have been to London, Paris, Florence... I'm quite envious. I got to go to Italy a couple of years and once you get the travel bug...
It's always wonderful to wake up, stretch, put a towel around your waist and stumble out into your meager living room only to discover numerous sleeping bodies piled upon your floor. I've always adored slumber parties for the good reasons - one of them being how damn cute all your sleepy friends look at 8am as you switch on the TV and squeel with delight at the wonders of early morning cartoons while they try to wipe the goo from the eyes so they can get a better look at your maniacal, but well meaning, grin.
Oh course, all that's ruined when half an hour later I have to go to work and they get to go back to sleep. What the hell.
First, I must point out the bizarre number of people who today seem to be either leaving their job or going to the dentist. Really, how can this be just a coincidence??
Anyways.... Have spent a productive Friday at work so far. At lunch at KFC, discussed with my co-workers the pros and cons of keeping my job.
Last night saw The Second City Comedy Troupe. Afterwards, crashed hard due to my lack of sleep the night before. But I wasn't alone in my bed... :)
My plans to go to the Baltimore Aquarium fell through. My husband was too tired and cranky. We actually left the house to go, but he kept griping about everything. So I told him I would rather go some other time when he was in a better mood.
So, we grabbed some Burger King food, went to a nearby park and sat for a little while listening to the stillness. When we got back home, he decided he was awake enough to hit a golf ball around the back yard and to fix the turbo wastegate on his truck.
I went to the basement, cleaned up cat pee (Yeah me), walked a mile on the treadmill, and did some situps. Reading through Lometa's and Funnytoes' daylogs has inspired me. I am tired of being overweight! I know that a mile isn't very far to walk, but I have a problem with my foot and didn't want to overdo it.
My Foot Problem
The foot problem I have was caused by kicking too many people's asses! (Just kidding!) Seriously - I have a condition called Plantar Fasciitis (which is not Plantars Warts). Basically, there is a muscle that runs from the heel across the bottom of your foot. It is surrounded by tissue called fascia. Somehow (probably going from not exercising at all, to doing Tai Bo) I caused injury to the fascia, causing it to swell and become painful. Standing on my feet too much, or too strenuous an exercise, will reinjure the fascia. For some people, only surgery fixes the problem. I am still in the stretch it every day and hope for some improvement phase. And since it is still painful every morning, I am probably reinjuring it every day.
Today
Boring boring boring. I worked on a stupid poster (which no one will even look at) for my company's Quality of Business Life Council (that's QOBLC to you!) I think it was actually supposed to be called the Quality of Life Business Council, but someone had already developed the logo wrong.
I then dragged a friend out to lunch. He had originally said that he had too much to do. I asked if there was anything I could do for him, and, upon inspecting his list he decided there was no way he was going to complete it all today, therefore he might as well go out to lunch.
After lunch, I returned a call from a headhunter. The position sounded the same as what I am doing here (except maybe with more work), but it would be a lot longer of a commute so I told him I wasn't interested.
Favorite Node Created Today
Death of an Unpopular Poet
Plans for Tonight
Eat a secret dinner being prepared by my hubby, drink some wine and RELAX.
Thank God It's Friday
Jesus do I feel bad today. My neck hurts, my eyes hurt and I've had sharp, stabbing pains in my stomach all day long. It feels like I swallowed razor blades or something. I thought that eating something at lunch might make me feel better, but it didn't. It didn't make is any worse, though, so, in a glass-half-full sense, that's good.
I got invited to a birthday party yesterday, but I can't go. I really like the person and all, but the party is in North Carolina, which, since I am in California, is further than I can walk. Even on a Friday. Still it was nice to be invited.
I wanted to go biking yesterday, but my rear wheel need to be trued. The wobble is pretty severe, though, so I'm not sure it can be done. How can my wheel get bent when all my bike's been doing for the last six months is hang in the garage? I don't know. But, if I have to buy a new rim, I'll do it.
Lord, all I want to do is crawl under my desk, curl up into a little fetal ball and suck my lollipop. Can't do that, though. Gotta stay up. Gotta stay awake. Okay, I'm going to make some tea.
Good. Lemon tea. My tummy doesn't feel any better, but at least it's warm.
Weighed myself this morning. Lost another two pounds, somehow (illness?) I'm almost down to my fighting weight. Told me little sister I lost weight and she said that that was obscene and that she hopes it's a tapeworm. I saw last weekend, when I went up to Davis. She looks good. She sounds happy when talking with her boyfriend (who wasn't there and whom (you'll never guess) my parents hate.) She did make ribs for me, by the way.
Got a couple of cold calls from head-hunters. I guess someone must have forwarded the phone list before they quit. I don't want to start looking for a job yet. I want to wait until I get back from my trip. Does that sound selfish? I just want to make my vacation as enjoyable as possible and I think I'd feel better if I didn't have to worry about the pressure of starting a new job while I'm away. Of course I'll have the pressure of having to look for a job, but that's okay. I enjoy being unemployed (although not the negative cash flow bit.)
It's official. I'm sick. When I get sick I usually feel sensitive and prickly (like pins and needles) up and down my back, which is how I feel now. That sucks because it makes it very, very difficult to sleep.
