"In my entire career as a writer", said Trout..."I created only one living, breathing, three-dimensional character. I did it with my ding-dong in a birth canal." He was referring to his son Leon, a deserter from the United States Marines in time of war, subsequently decapitated in a Swedish shipyard. "If I'd wasted my time creating characters," Trout said, "I would have never gotten around to calling attention to things that really matter: irresistible forces in nature, and cruel inventions, and cockamamie ideas and governments and economies that make heroes and heroines alike feel like something the cat drug in" (72).
He concluded that at least part of the trouble was slipshod storytelling in the New Testament. He supposed that the intent of the Gospels was to teach people, among other things, to be merciful, even to the lowest of the low. But the Gospels actually taught this: Before you kill somebody, make absolutely sure he isn't well connected. So it goes. The flaw in the Christ stories, said the visitor from outer space, was that Christ, who didn't look like much, was actually the Son of the Most Powerful Being in the Universe. Readers understood that, so, when they came to the crucifixion, they naturally thought... Oh boy--the sure picked the wrong guy to lynch that time! And then that thought had a brother: "There are right people to lynch." Who? People not well connected. So it goes. The visitor from outer space made a gift to Earth of a new Gospel. In it, Jesus really was a nobody, and a pain in the neck to a lot of people with better connection than he had. He still got to say all the lovely and puzzling things he said in the other Gospels. So the people amused themselves one day by nailing him to a cross and planting the cross in the ground. There couldn't possibly be any repercussions, the lynchers thought. The reader would have to think that too, since the new Gospel hammered home again and again what a nobody Jesus was. And then, just before the nobody died, the heavens opened up, and there was thunder and lightning. The voice of God came crashing down. He told the people that he was adopting the bum as his son, giving him the full powers and privileges of The Son of the Creator of the Universe throughout all eternity. God said this: From this moment on, He will punish horribly anybody who torments a bum who has no connections! (Vonnegut, Slaughterhouse, 103-105)
Article XXVIII: Every newborn shall be sincerely welcomes and cared for until maturity. Article XXIX: Every adult who needs it shall be given meaningful work to do, at a living wage (Timequake, 176). Article XXX: Every person, upon reaching a statutory age of puberty, shall be declared an adult in a solemn public ritual, during which he or she must welcome his or her new responsibilities to the community, and their attendant dignities. Article XXXI: Every effort shall be made to make every person feel that he or she will be sorely missed when he or she is gone (202).
The guide invited the crowd to imagine that they were looking across a desert at a mountain range on a day that was twinkling bright and clear. They could look at a peak or a bird or a cloud, at a stone right in front of them, or even down at the canyon behind them. But among them was this poor Earthling, and his head was encased in a steel sphere which he could never take off. There was only one eyehole through which he could look, and wielded to that eyehole were six feet of pipe. ...He was also strapped to a steel lattice which was bolted to a flatcar on rails, and there was no way one could turn his head or touch the pipe. The far end of the pipe rested on a bi-pod which was also bolted to flatcar. All...he...could see was the little dot at the end of the pipe. He didn't know he was on a flatcar, didn't even know there was anything peculiar about his situation. The flatcar sometimes crept, sometimes went extremely fast, often stopped- went uphill, downhill, around curves, along staightaways. Whatever...he...saw through the pipe, he had no choice but to say to himself, "That's life" (125-127).
He was so happy! He was so popular! He was all dolled up in the tuxedo and boiled shirt and crimson cummerbund and tie...I (Vonnegut) stood behind him in his suite in order to tie the tie for him, just as my big brother had done for me before I myself could tie a bow tie. There on the beach, whatever Trout said produced laughter and applause. He couldn't believe it! He said the pyramids and Stonehenge were built in a time of very low gravity, when boulders could be tossed around like sofa pillows, and people loved it... "If this isn't nice, what is?" he exclaimed to us all (240-241).
Kilgore Trout is the pseudonym for Philip Jose Farmer. Farmer was a big fan of Vonnegut. During a writing dry spell Farmer asked Vonnegut for permission to use the Kilgore Trout name. Vonnegut is said to believe that Trout has gotten out of hand and will not allow the Trout name to used any longer.
Interesting Links: Vonnegut comment http://www.duke.edu/~crh4/vonnegut/kt.html Farmer response http://www.mindspring.com/~ledzep/trout.htm
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