Let's just be friends

What it translates like in some male brains, for some bizzare reason, is "I am a sadistic bitch who takes pleasure in cruelly fucking with your head."

I'm friends with virtually all my exes. But that's just because I never developed a taste for self pitying adolescent dickheads. Hey, call me strange.

Guess what? I'm still friends with all of the girls I have dated. Maybe that's a weird concept, maybe I'm just not good datable material and much better as friend material, but that's the facts. With most there was a period of time when communication wasn't upheld, or that sentiments were less than favorable (say, six months of not speaking to each other), but all pulled throught that.

Though, I've chronicled one experience of this not being a painless process, I just don't see where the big problem is. Seems most people have this "all or nothing at all" attitude, but I feel that if I so much effort into being in a relationship, I'm not going to waste it on being angry. On the same note, I'm not going to start hating someone just because the situation changes.

Now, if they've done something before making this clear, I have problems with that. I've had to deal with being cheated on, with the "I was just so confused" aspect. And yes, hearing about how great some new boyfriend has taken its toll on me several times. But good friends are hard to find, and I refuse to let something as petty as them "never seeing them naked, ever again" get in the way of keeping them.

As I'd expressed in guys who don't tell you they have a girlfriend, it is frustrating when you're put into a bracket, when your options are closed off for you. For me, my desire to keep exes as friends is minimal. I don't keep my exes around at all usually, and this is for both our benefit. I'm the kind of girl who when breaking up with a guy will say, " I don't want to hurt you or waste your time; this simply isn't working for me." Curt, perhaps, but I try not to string a guy along.

Then there are those in between people, people who are in themselves so amazing, inspiring, attractive, and intriguing that you cannot think of your life without them in it. You wouldn't be saying "let's just be friends" if someone hadn't crossed a boundary, or was going to very soon. Maybe you wanted all those cool things in him to add up to a perfect boyfriend, and maybe you realized that the reason why you hold them in such high regard is because you came together under the guise of friendship in the first place. This way of getting to know someone is so unique to romance. That person is more real, more intense, more open, and sometimes that leads you to think that real love exists there, love of a certain kind.

"Let's Just Be Friends"

Possibly the most hurtful thing that you can say to someone who's in love with you, on a par with telling a guy that his penis is far too small to satisfy you, or telling a woman that her pussy stinks of rotting fish. It often means, and will always be interpreted as, "The idea of sex with you repels me".

It may or may not mean that the person genuinely wants to be your friend.

If you are ever in a situation where you're tempted to say this to someone, a far kinder alternative might be to say something like: "I'm really sorry, but although I really enjoy your company, I don't think we (are / would be) sexually compatible".

Some typical reasons why I do not want to Just Be Friends with you:

(0) I'm not a masochist.

(1) I already have plenty of friends, none of whom leave me feeling miserable, angry and sexually frustrated.

(2) There is no worse feeling in the world than watching someone you are in love with picking up someone else.

(3) I'll get over you a lot faster if I don't see you, hear you, smell you or touch you.

(4) I don't want to even think about you having sex with other people, much less hear the intimate details.

(5) I don't want to see you falling in love with someone else.

(6) I don't want to hear you crying about how the person you chose over me mistreats you, in the full knowledge that you won't leave them unless you meet someone just as bad.

(7) I'm not interested having all the responsibilities and none of the privileges of being in a relationship with you.

(8) I don't want to be your drink machine / meal ticket.

(9) I don't want people who *are* sexually interested in me being scared off because they think that you and I are a couple.

(10) I don't want you deliberately scaring off people who are sexually interested in me because you're jealous about me.

I remember that night we stayed up late and chatted on the phone about monkeys on Mars. I forget what exactly the fictional tale entailed. I know that it involved the icecaps. I started the conversation by saying, "What do you think about those icecaps on Mars?" Then I said something about how it was weird when scientists found monkeys ice skating on them.

We laughed, and the conversation lasted for hours. It was a good tactic to get over our fight. Then you said those words that lifted up my spirits--just to crush me, "I like this."

I replied, "I like this too," with a shy smile that you could not see over the phone.

"No, I mean I like this--just this. I don't want to ever lose this."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying that I don't want to lose you. I'm tired of fighting... let's just be friends."

I was crushed and did not know what to say, so I said, "I don't want to lose you either... I want to be your friend."

Needless to say, the monkey conversation came to a halt. The conversation ended, and we hung up a few seconds later. We remained friends and talked endlessly about The Simpsons, but for some reason, I still miss you. We no longer talk about nonsense. Now we rarely talk at all. We lost all of those things that we wanted to preserve.

And now, I find a website that is featuring Jesus action figures. I laugh at the sick joke. Now YOU can nail Jesus to the cross! And, of course I think of you and all of the absurd stories we have forgotten but used to share. I send you an instant message, with a link attached, and in return, I get your away message. "Bangin'." Gross... You're with the girlfriend, naturally.