ONE FATALITY IN CONCERT HALL CATASTROPHE
Miami (AP) A grim scene greeted policemen Tuesday
at the Roanoke Concert Hall in Miami, Florida where The
Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gorme Show was running its
third night straight. Police responded to an emergency
call received at 9:48pm, the caller was said to repeat
"Steve lost it...he's freaking out!!!" several times.
After speaking to eye witnesses and viewing a film
of the evening's show thus far police put together
the following report:
Apparently Steve and Eydie took the stage at the usual time Tuesday evening at approximately 9:30 and opened up with their famous "Without You" swiftly moving into an
impromptu audience greeting and a duet of "Luck Be A Lady". It was on the third bar of "It's Cold Outside" when Steve drew a .357 Magnum revolver from a concealed shoulder holster in his tuxedo and began screaming "I'll show you how cold it is, motherfuckers!!" while blasting indiscriminately at the audience. At this point, of course, chaos ensued and most of the elderly audience bolted for the exits, trampling anyone in their path. Steve was brought down swiftly by a retired world war II vet who was heard to yell "It ends today, Lawrence!"
Fortunately only one fatality was reported: twenty-four year old Michigan resident Jhasen Cooper, while trying to get out of the panicking senior citizens' way, caught a bullet in the left eye and died instantly.
-dem bones-
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