They say that they take women out on dates, talk to them, hold doors open for them, and such -- are in fact the very definition of a "nice guy". And yet, all they end up with is friends, rather than girlfriends who will make them feel special (and, hopefully, get them laid) -- that is, they "finish last".
So, let's analyze this. These "nice guys" expect that the ultimate chivalrous act of being friends with various women is not an end in itself, but rather will lead to them acquiring a girlfriend. They're frustrated because all this work they've been putting in actually talking and listening to their female friends hasn't paid off.
Not very nice, is it?
- Sandy Koufax
Hardly. I'm not a tomboy by any stretch of the imagination - long hair, cultivated nails, high heels, make up. I like Meg Ryan movies. And still men have always found me just as fascinating as women have. I have as many male as female friends, even in the closest most intimate circles.
And no, they're not just all trying to get me into bed. This has happened, both with men and with women, but somehow I feel that hanging on to a friendship for seven or ten years just because you're hoping to sleep with someone is a bit far-fetched.
So what's wrong with them? I hear you ask. What's wrong with these men that instead of chugging bruskies with their buddies they're wasting their time talking to a goil?
It's not what's wrong with them, sweetie, it's what's wrong with the picture you just painted. I refuse to accept that men are really as narrow minded, as limited in their interests, as fickle in their resolutions and as devious in getting sexual gratification as you are trying to portray them.
The first people who should be jumping up are not, as you flatter yourself, women (any woman with half a brain will stay away from a guy with your opinions, not waste her time trying to convince him that she's "worthy"), but men. You've just universally insulted any man who is mentally grown past a life which revolves around playing computer games and getting his gun off.
* Give yourself the courtesy of reading what you wrote. You're not stereotyping women. You're stereotyping men.
In 1946, the New York Giants, managed by Mel Ott were in last place. Durocher was managing the crosstown Brooklyn Dodgers at the time and was asked about the Giants. He commented that Ott and his team were "the nicest guys in the world. And where are they? In last place!" (another source quotes it as "The nice guys are all over there. In seventh place!"; Yet ANOTHER source says Durocher said "all nice guys. They'll finish last. Nice guys. Finish last").
Regardless of the actual words, the next day sportswriters misquoted him, or altered his quote, changing it to "nice guys finish last". The quote is often used in sports circles to encourage toughness, and also in dating circles (as in the other writeups in this node).
An interesting offshoot of this comes in the titles of autobiographies by both Durocher and Hall of Famer Monte Irvin (who played under Durocher for several years). Durocher named his book (1975) "Nice Guys Finish Last". Irvin titled his book (1996) "Nice Guys Finish First".
The Problem here is that there are several misconceptions raging together at once. In an effort to increase the peace, I'm going to try to do my best to try to work some things out.
Perhaps it comes from distrust of all men, or just a desire to be mean, but this seems to be one of the most common things I hear. Do people assume that the sole goal of every male is to 'dip his pen'? Granted there are some guys who do pull this charade, but the vast majority of guys who hold the door open for a lady do it out a genuine desire to be thoughtful.
Ranking number two on this list is this little one, is that women don't go after 'nice guys' because they are one-dimensional beings, devoid of any depth of character. This is a half-truth, but a potent one. Many nice guys simply don't know how to go about things when dealing with the opposite sex - they have been rejected all their lives and such have never 'learned' the rhetoric that society expects. And so, going on this, they can tend to go overboard and try to impress the girl as much possible.
This is where women have to take action. Instead of just dumping them off, like so many are apt to do, try telling them what they're doing wrong. If you "like them except for", you don't like them for many other reason, and you have no right to say "they were too nice".
This happens all too often. I will go as far as to agree that this happens - there are guys who only think they're nice. However, the practical offshot of this is, in accordance to the theory that women prefer assholes, they end up getting the girl.
The basic problem here is one simple thing: Respect. Nice Guys are resigned to say that women suck, and women are resigned to say nice guys aren't. This is a flawed philosophy. Stereotyping will not help you choose or keep a mate, full stop.
One last thing: Seldom will you ever hear of any Nice Guy whining about how much Nice Guys are pissed on when said Nice Guy has a girlfriend. This is because, when a nice guy has a girlfriend, few of the above generalizations continue to be true. I am a nice guy and I don't complain for that very reason.
Many of my female friends, some of them single, tell me, "Any girl would be lucky to go out with me." However, if they say that and believe that, why don't they go out with me. Instead, they go out with these jerks. Whenever these jerks hurt them they come to me crying. I help them through the tough time. Sometimes I think that I have touched them personally or emotionally, that maybe they think of me differently now. However, once they are feeling better another jerk comes along, and I am essentially downgraded back to my position as the nice guy friend and nothing more.
I figured that going to college would change some things. However, everything is just the same. I instantly became friends with many girls who would come to me asking me about what they should do about specific guys since I'm such a nice guy.
The friends that I had before college still treat me as the nice guy. No sooner did I visit back home did one girl tell me about her latest boyfriend. The worst part is, she told me that I make her laugh like no one else does and she wants to be my friend forever, and yet she continues talking about her latest fling. If I'm such a nice guy, can make this girl laugh like no one else, and she loves me enough to want to be my friend forever, why don't we go out, ever.
Finally, probably the nicest guy I can think of is Jesus Christ. How many dates did he go on? I rest my case.
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