Everything2
Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Full Text
Everything2

Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'Em

created by avalyn

(thing) by VAG (1.6 mon) (print)   ?   3 C!s I like it! Sat Nov 23 2002 at 13:08:31

Don't touch this!

Believe it or not, but in 1990, MC Hammer put out a movie, directed by Rupert Wainwright, that serves to remind us why it is a good thing the late eighties and early nineties of the 20th century are a thing of the past: Please Hammer don't hurt 'em: The Movie!

The following "five key tracks" from the album are included:

The "plot" around the videos in this full-fledged movie feature in miniature is so weak one wonders if anyone took it seriously when this flick was released. It seems like a feeble attempt to show or build his street credibility. Let the back-cover blurb speak for itself:

The story line follows HAMMER as he returns home to his Oakland, California turf and confronts the local dealer who has put the lives of the community's children in danger. This is more than a video, just as MC HAMMER is more than a rapper. So, watch out!

The last comment should be taken in earnest, as nothing justifies watching this for the full 60 minutes unless you have a very high pain threshold, or a funny bone for bad movies. If it proves something, it is that Hammer can't act for two cents, and that we should hope the fashion style he created (suits three sizes to large and weird pants that won't split until the knees) won't come back.

Please Hammer, don't hurt me

Too late, even the 200 Yen the LD it cost me seem like a lot now, and nothing will return the time wasted watching it...


printable version
chaos

Too Legit To Quit MC Hammer Street Fighter defense options The monsters of the past will be long forgotten by the time the general populace is ever forgiven
Cool as Ice Weekend Debris Hotline Vanilla Ice La Bouche
Why Can't I Touch It? To The Extreme DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince Russian roots
20th century Laserdisc Snoop Doggy Dogg Deep Core
Delta Chi Max Wood, Private Dick. Episode 1: The Cheatin' Rat Is jessicapierce attempting to destroy everything with the help of Satan? snarky
pray Nitty Gritty Dirt Band Siberia Impact drill
Y'know, if you log in, you can write something here, or contact authors directly on the site. Create a New User if you don't already have an account.
  Epicenter
Login
Password

password reminder
register

Everything2 Help

Cool Staff Picks
Things you could have written:
Dada
G.I. Joe Public Service Announcements
Reclaim your sexuality
George S. Patton
MiG-25 Foxbat
She is in the heartbeat you hear around you, listen
Schlieffen Plan
lawnjart
fish ladder
Osama bin Laden
Weird headless death cult of writer apostles
Charlie Chaplin
Working in a greenhouse is sometimes as much fun as you think it might be.
New Writeups
Mannerisky
second language(essay)
aneurin
British Monomarks(idea)
FrankThomas
How and why do we (humans) have culture?(essay)
lee_cad
Isaac(person)
kalen
downvota(poetry)
Andrew Aguecheek
Wstfgl(thing)
ncc05
overheard at IHOP(event)
calgon
Bottomless(poetry)
lismaraxt
Ice Theory of The Origin of Life(idea)
allthetime
Apple Cinnamon Suicide(idea)
Lucy-S
shovelglove(idea)
Adaptive Child
Mexican secret sauce(recipe)
Adaptive Child
nacho libre(recipe)
TheLady
Iron Man(review)
Scaevola
Risk in the Roman law of sale(idea)
Everything 2 is brought to you by the letter C and The Everything Development Company