I am taking a big risk in writing this node, for in doing so, I must admit that, yes, I have watched a soap opera or two in my day. And I've noticed something: soap opera hitmen are very, very bad at their jobs. Ergo, I have decided to open SueZVudu's Academy for Soap Opera Hitmen. Courses will cover the following topics:
How to look in the laundry chute for escapees
How to open the door before you fire at your target
How to dispose of your target before you tell her/him of your dastardly plans
Unnecessary chatter: "Now you shall die!", "You messed with Vic Schnossenglobber for the last time!", and "Prepare to meet your maker!"
Rule Number One: Do not fall in love with your victim-to-be
How to shut up and just pull the trigger, dammit
I will also teach them how to aim a gun properly (e.g., not from the hip) and how to use poison, knives, and concrete shoes to their own advantage. These poor guys need all the help they can get. Then again, if the hitmen become more clever, the stars of the soap operas will begin to drop like flies. Wouldn't that be a shame? |
