Yes,
random middle American teenage girl, your little corner of the
virtual world has inspired me to consider
trepanation with
antique dinnerware, and the results will certainly not be
pretty. But, I suppose it's partly my own
fault. I did purposely click on the
link to your
site that popped up as a
search result from an
engine that is usually a quite reliable
purveyor of
quality goods. I should have been
warned by your
mile-long URL and by the fact that a
tinny,
MIDI version of "
Hit Me Baby One More Time" began
tinkling merrily from my speakers while I waited for your
seemingly endless animated gifs of American flags and fuzzy bunnies to load. I should have been warned the instant I saw that
every single word on your page was either in
CAPS or
hot pink or
flashing spastically. I should have felt
the willies creeping up my
spine when I saw that my
inadvertant visit had finally boosted your
counter higher than
50. But no, I had to
venture on, and in the process I
discovered that 75% of your links were
dead, and that the remaining 25% (and that was just one link,
my dear) led simply into
the hell known as your guestbook, where I delved into half a
dozen entries from your
boyfriend ( I believe you call him "
Josh, the best bf ever!!!) most of which were
remarkably clever and heartfelt
odes to your,
ahem,
nether regions . In short,
o anonymous pre-pubescent one, your
homepage is a
cul-de-sac on the
information superhighway: only one way in, and
only one way out, and as for me, I'm off to the
operating room.