good old boy

created by elrond

(thing) by jhr (6.9 y) (print) ? 1 C! I like it! Thu Jun 22 2000 at 18:58:44

A Good Ol' Boy (this is the proper spelling) is a man involved in the Good Ol' Boy System (hereinafter GOBS) in the Southern United States. In order to qualify as a member of GOBS, you must meet the following requirements:

You must be white and proud.
You must be Christian, or at least pretend to be. In some localitites you must pretend to be a specific denomination, such as Baptist.
You must be older....at least 35, but this varies.
You must be a Southern Gentleman, at least publicly.
You must be able to laugh at racial humor, including humor from the 19th century involving slavery.
You must be able to lament the fact that the South lost "The War of Northern Aggression," and openly hypothesize about how life would be different if the South had won.
You must enjoy hunting, fishing, and other outdoors faire.
You must believe in "keeping women in their proper place".
You must never, ever talk about sex publicly.
You must know what the terms "scalawag" and " carpetbagger" mean, and use them appropriately in everyday conversation. "Gilflirted" doesn't hurt either.
You must be moderately well-off. Good Ol' Boys are the Cream of the White Trash.
You must be politically minded, but not necessarily a politician.
You must be willing to do whatever is necessary to see to it that other Good Ol' Boys are advanced in society. For example:
- If you're a GOB police officer, and you found that you have pulled over a fellow GOBS member, you must let him off with a warning, no matter how often it happens.
- If you're a GOB doctor, and a fellow GOB comes in with a pregnant underage daughter, you will perform a secret abortion so that he can save face.
- If you're a GOB politician, you will strive to look the other way when other GOB politicians do illegal things. You are to draft and pass legislation to assist the GOB movement.
- If you're a GOB lawyer, you will represent only other GOBs and their families, whether they're guilty or not unless you plan to throw the trial, which you must do if the person you're fighting against is a GOB.
You will wear oversized belt buckles, and occasionally bolo ties.

GOB activities have ranged from rigging elections to embezzling public money. They do all this in the name of their cause, or their race. The see the end as total justification of their means. Usually heard saying, "Boy, you don't look like you're from around here."

Having grown up in southern Arkansas, and having attended college at the University of Arkansas, I feel that I am able to be rather authoritative on this.

See also: velcro gloves, redneck, yuppie rednecks, incest, and Plant your $1000 seed of faith

printable version
chaos

Plant your $1000 seed of Faith	War of Northern Aggression	Carpetbagger	Southern Gentleman
Scalawag	You're not from around here, are you?	incest	redneck
Tom Wolfe	White trash	bolo	The South
Strom Thurmond	The sun even shines on a dog's ass occasionally	Overexcited Southern black preacher	Bob Grant
social capital	January 17, 2008	Flathead	The Wharton UFO
T. A. Carpenter	Herrin Massacre	Redneck Riviera	Dream Log: September 13, 2000

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