'honey,' she says, 'it's the
difficult parts that give you
character. you walk in rain that's not pure, you
grit your teeth, but you hold on. sometimes people see the
ugly sides of you.. it's not all
glamorous.'
..which is funny, cause i'd planned to live my life like
weetzie bat, not
charles bukowski. i wanted
mtv spring break dance party decadence romantic absurd moments smooth synthetic surfaces glitter bare skin moonlight oceans dumb beautiful men.
i didn't hear about
hard luck,
heartbreak. i thought poverty would be
romantic. i thought having a
sugar daddy would be painless, empowering. no one told me, until tonight.
how can i go home to a
dorm full of girls who will
marry for money and list their degrees as just another
empty acheivement? who there will
know what i know now? i won't see the same me in the
mirror. young and fresh faced even now takes effort,
foundation,
mascara,
gloss, necessarily invisible.
someday life will take its
toll and my features will sink into a sea of
wrinkles and i'll have to be more than
subtle not to get lost. i won't
age gracefully. will i
chain smoke in a dark lounge, sipping
scotch, with
lipstick on my
cigarette?
'honey,' she says, '
nothing is forever. don't be too quick to be haughty. it's not fair, it's just life. it's no
fairy tale. don't be afraid - i was
just like you.'
this is for you, lo! thanks to.. someone.. for the nodeshell.