you

When I was looking through old files for old resumes, I found my letters to you, a constant loop of my life a year ago, broken up into one page sections so the letters would stretch longer against time.

Though I see you every day (almost), I'm still wishing you were here tonight, though we both need to be in different places in the morning, for Easter Sunday. I never seem to get tired of you, but I've never wanted to ask if you get tired of me. I fear any answer that isn't "of course not."

There are things I seek to know but cannot ask. It's a small and awkward silence that steps in with conversation. We are constantly bringing new things to the hearth, holding them up in the firelight and exclaiming, "Check this out." I have half-hearted thoughts that our adventures are more so because we have someone to share them with, that we are more interesting because someone is there to listen.

You.

Tonight, it is The Red Violin soundtrack and Morphine albums, Tricky and red wine, trying to recount the drugged feeling of dimly lit rooms. We reach for each other's hands without thinking, clutching for some tangible excuse to be alive. Inside tonight is a hunger for a food I cannot name yet, food I will likely not find until morning.

Four months have passed this way.

I am trying to not think too much, to not ask too many questions, so instead I am thankful. I am happy and amazingly sated.

The minute I heard my first love story I started look for you, not knowing how blind that was. Lovers don't finally meet somewhere. They're in each other all along.
--Rumi

And I didn't look for you. I looked for someone to listen, someone to excuse my paltry skin gamblings and still not give up on me. Our connection wasn't purely random but was something pleasantly unexpected, which made it all the more special. I can't ask you your side of comparison; I only know I haven't been this happy in years.

Is it all because of you? Or have I allowed it to happen too? We overlook each other's flaws, and its within a golden moment that we are living breathing truth about life, even though we have no idea where we are going, where this will go.

I'm supposed to seek permanence, to find the concrete real of other humans. I'm expected to want more than just you, right now. I can't help but want to want only this and care nothing for the future, to let this build on its own.

It is for you I sacrifice the need to know. It is you who helps me forget all the idle voices in my brain, whispering fate and failure.

It is you I wait for time to pass, tonight.

Everyone stands in a circle.
Leader: "I'm going to point to someone in the circle and say "you." When you are pointed at, it's your turn to point at someone else across the circle and say "you." After you have had your turn, put your hand on your head to indicate you've already gone. You can point to anyone who has not had a turn yet. The last person chosen will have to point back at me."
Leader points to someone and says "You." Designated pointee then points to another person across the circle and says "you." This pointee points to another person in the circle who has not been chosen yet and says "you." Continue until everyone in the circle has been included. The leader will be the last person pointed at.

Leader: "Let's repeat that pattern, in the same order we just did it, but this time we don't have to put our hands on our head."
Repeat (sans hands on head) the EXACT SAME PATTERN so that everyone has a chance to remember who points to them, and who they point to. Everyone following so far? Pattern #1 ("You"), might be something like Leader-Adam-Shaun-Paul-Trish-Deb-Nate-Leader. Everytime the leader starts the "you" pattern it should follow this order EXACTLY, e.g. Adam only says "you" to Shaun once the Leader has said "you" to him. Shaun is waiting for Adam so that she can point to Paul.

Leader can review by saying: "Point to the person who says YOU to you. Now, point to the person you say YOU to."

Start the pattern again, and as soon as the pattern completes, i.e., the last person says "you" to the leader, the leader will start it up again by saying "you" to your target person. Repeat the pattern until everyone knows it.

FOR YOU VISUAL LEARNERS: Imagine the leader throwing out a red ball of yarn as she says "you." The group is creating a web with the "you" pattern, and each person in the circle anchors just one point on the web, and every person will be included. When everyone has joined the web, the leader gets the ball of yarn back, as the group has formed a red web of yarn.

That was the first part of the set up. Here's part two:

Leader: tell the group to remember the "you" pattern, you'll come back to it later, but now it's time for the next step.

The leader starts a new pattern, with a category, like "fruit." Leader points to a person ACROSS the circle, says a fruit, like "orange." POINT TO A DIFFERENT PERSON THAN THE ONE YOU SAID "YOU" TO. Pointee points to another person, says a different fruit, maybe "apple." Play continues until everyone has been included (hands on head indicates they've been included) and the leader is last. Repeat (sans hands on head) the EXACT SAME PATTERN so that everyone has a chance to remember WHO points to them and WHO they point to.

Leader can review by saying: "Point to the person who says the fruit to you. Now, point to the person you say a fruit to."

Example with our hypothetical cast: Leader says "orange" to Trish, who says "apple" to Nate, who says "kumquat" to Deb, who says "lemon" to Paul, who says "strawberry" to Shaun, who says "grapes" to Adam, who says "kiwi" to Leader.

FOR YOU VISUAL LEARNERS: imagine this pattern as a web constructed with blue yarn.

Leader: "Do we remember the fruit pattern?"

Review aloud pattern #2 ("fruit"). There may be some confusion. If you need to start over, do so. Work on it until you can go through the pattern twice.

NOW THE FUN BEGINS:
Leader: "Now I'm going to start the "you" pattern, and while that's in motion, I'm going to start the "fruit" pattern. You'll have to listen for both cues. Ready?" Clarify if you need to, but don't stop for discussion. Leader starts both patterns at once. Simultaneously, both sets of words are travelling across the circle. Go through the patterns at least twice. If you notice one set of words drop out, the leader will start that pattern again as necessary.

HINT: Data in = data out. That is, if someone says "you" to you, that is your cue to say "you." If they say a fruit, you say your fruit to your designated fruitee (who should be a different recipient than your "you" target).

FOR YOU VISUAL LEARNERS: the group is re-constructing the red web and the blue web at the same time.

THE NEXT STEP :
Create a new pattern with a new category, like "breakfast cereals," or "brands of automobiles." Suggest to the group that they choose a different person than in the previous patterns to receive their word.

FOR YOU VISUAL LEARNERS: the group is creating a new web with a green ball of yarn, and is about to build the red, blue, and green ones simultaneously.

THE NEXT NEXT STEP: Create a fourth pattern, and run all four at the same time. This pattern could be an actual ball or beanbag tossed around. (Leaders should inform the group that for the safety of all involved, you must make eye contact before tossing an object at someone.)

THE NEXT NEXT NEXT STEP: This step is called "Move on 'you'." On the "you" pattern, and ONLY ON THE "YOU" PATTERN, advance across the circle to stand in the place where your pointee was.

Leader:Only move when you say the word "you." If you are saying a fruit, or other word, you don't move. Only move when you say the word you.

ADVANCED VERSION:
The categories must be variations on actual names. For example,

• Pattern 1: say the name of the person you are pointing to.
• Pattern 2: say the name of the person immediately to the right of the person you are pointing to.
• Pattern 3: say your own name.
• Pattern 4: say the name of the person who just pointed at you.

Source: I learned this at Bay Area TheatreSports, from a visiting German improviser.

You (?), pron. [Possess. Your (?) or Yours (); dat. & obj. You.] [OE. you, eou, eow, dat. & acc., AS. eow, used as dat. & acc. of ge, g, ye; akin to OFries. iu, io, D. u, G. euch, OHG. iu, dat., iuwih, acc., Icel. yr, dat. & acc., Goth. izwis; of uncertain origin. &root;189. Cf. Your.]

The pronoun of the second person, in the nominative, dative, and objective case, indicating the person or persons addressed. See the Note under Ye.

Ye go to Canterbury; God you speed. Chaucer.

Good sir, I do in friendship counsel you To leave this place. Shak.

In vain you tell your parting lover You wish fair winds may waft him over. Prior.

Though you is properly a plural, it is in all ordinary discourse used also in addressing a single person, yet properly always with a plural verb. "Are you he that hangs the verses on the trees, wherein Rosalind is so admired ?" Shak. You and your are sometimes used indefinitely, like we, they, one, to express persons not specified. "The looks at a distance like a new-plowed land; but as you come near it, you see nothing but a long heap of heavy, disjointed clods." Addison. "Your medalist and critic are much nearer related than the world imagine." Addison. "It is always pleasant to be forced to do what you wish to do, but what, until pressed, you dare not attempt." Hook. You is often used reflexively for yourself of yourselves. "Your highness shall repose you at the tower." Shak.

© Webster 1913.