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The Best of The Week

I recently realized that my glasses were starting to cause more issues than they fixed. Blurriness, double vision, problems changing focal planes.

This is top fuck. Exactly what I needed. I have a more recent prescription that works fine (as evidenced by the sunglasses I have to wear most times outside these days) but the prescription is expired, which means that no reputable place will accept it for the purposes of making eyeglasses, and unlike many places I have lived, here you can't just slip the guy a tenner and have him do whatever you want regardless of what the papers say.

I surely do not have the money to get an eye exam and new glasses. Last time that shit cost a couple hundred bucks at the cut-rate.

Yes, I hear you: "WHO FUCKING CARES ABOUT YOUR GLASSES? THIS IS THE WORST INTERNET SOB STORY EVER. THERE'S NOT EVEN A HERO DOG WITH FACE CANCER BATTLING LANDMINES IN THE SUDAN. THAT IS THE GOLD STANDARD."

And I agree. Patience, please.

So I looked at my options…

Zzxjoanw is a famous lexicographic hoax, perpetuated by Rupert Hughes. Mr. Hughes was an American novelist, film director, screenwriter, military officer, composer, and most importantly for the subject at hand, the author of the The Musical Guide (1903), an encyclopedia of classical music. Included in this was a pronouncing dictionary, and the last entry in this section was as follows:

zzxjoa

Most shifts in my university's volunteer bicycle repair shop are lacking in excitement. For two hours a week, I usually help students swap out punctured inner tubes for new ones, replace brake and gear cables, teach them how to grease chains, and lecture them on which tools to use for different tasks. Occasionally, there'll be a lull and I'll sit down behind the volunteer desk and study…