Today is Monday, "violent, sociopathic pickup line day!"
It's very easy to do. Almost as easy as being a surgeon. Thirty-five dollars from anyone and I will remove your fucking spleen and yes that is a threat to you personally.
Hey, baby, are those astronaut pants? No? Great! Because now I'm going to take you back to my place and explode you in a vacuum!
Immediately following her refusal, appear enraged and mutter something similar to, "whore doesn't know what she's missing," and make a signal to your friends to indicate that you're incapable of pursuing consensual relationships with women.
Hey, sugar, if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would make a shank out of it, later leaving your body in a national park, waiting to be discovered and ignored by hikers decades later!
The more stains you have on your clothing, the better. If you have one of those sweatshirts with dollar signs all over it, wear it.
Hey, is that a mirror in your pants? Because I can see myself in I want to shatter it on your face and carve pentagrams into your stomach with pieces of glass!
The sheer aggression of this one necessitates some type of comedic relief. Perhaps a good step would be to wear one of those "Life is Good (tm)" t-shirts and a fanny pack.
Baby, are your legs tired? No? Good, how about I chase you through backroads with my car for two hours, waving a gun at you and occasionally throwing rabid animals into your hair before leaving your bullet-riddled body in a drainage pipe?
I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU AND THAT IS A THREAT TO YOU PERSONALLY
I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU AND THAT IS A THREAT TO YOU PERSONALLY
I AM GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU AND THAT IS A THREAT TO YOU PERSONALLY
At 19:32 EST, Cliff Robinson, henceforth referred to as "the suspect," entered the residence of one Emma Halmsworth, henceforth referred to as "Emma Halmsworth." He then proceeded to make sexual advances towards Mrs. Halmsworth while brandishing an antique waffle iron. Upon the victim's rejection of his advances, Cliff proceeded to enclose his head within the waffle iron and make sounds not unlike those of an ambulance. "Perhaps," Cliff asked, "you would feel more comfortable if I were named Khouta Sibweng and wore a sundress?" The victim, now in an agreeable mood, nodded vigorously and proceeded to undress Cliff. This is all the victim was willing to relate to her interviewers at the time of questioning. | 
