(thing) by p.j. Mon Jun 25 2001 at 1:27:21

I wrote the following during my stay at the "Roy Rogers Hotel", a transient hotel in Oakland, Ca. I found myself there after a dispute with my Uncle (my roomate at the time) left me without a home. It was over a very cute girl who definately wasn't worth it......

I affectionately referred to my quarters there as my 8 x 9 "pink hell of a room". For the record, the room was pink, or at least an old, faded version of it. The walls probably hadn't been painted in 20 years or more and upon close examination I realized what I thought was a sponge-painted surface was actually an overgrowth of tiny, grayish-black spots of mildew. This explained the stench. The room smelled like a wet towel that had been left in a dark car trunk all summer. No amount of Lysol spray could put a dent in the reek so I gave up after a while. There were tons of gouges and cracks, made by who knows what...fists, heads, knives etc.,randomly spaced on all four walls, and they seemed to bleed powdered plaster leaving a thin coating of white over every flat surface in the room, which consisted of an old dresser, one folding chair, and the queen size bed which took up most of the space. The bed itself wasn't half bad ("...One of only two queensizes in the whole hotel!" as the desk clerk had proudly informed me) and after yanking off their sheets and shoving them in the bottom drawer I applied the ones I'd brought with, grabbed in haste from the linen closet. I noticed they were the sheets I'd had as a kid and I suddenly felt very depressed. I wasn't too proud of how my life had turned out thus far. The thought of me sleeping in those same sheets as a little kid made me very sad. I might have cried.

One of the niceties the room had was the sink in the corner. It was great for shaving and other grooming needs and after one particularly harrowing experience with a crazed crackhead in the public bathroom at the end of the hall, the sink became a handy urinal as well. Don't judge, it was neccessary.

I ended up staying at the "Roy Rogers" for about two months and had quite a few interesting experiences. One of the strangest things I noticed was the unexplained interest women took in my living space. Maybe they felt they were slumming it, and the horrid surroundings were some sort of turn on.....don't know, can't explain it.... As these things go some experiences were good, most were bad. The following was written after a particularly rough night out....

Knots...
stomach and otherwise
Kinks in the order of things
wine on my breath
whiskey on hers
Vomitous sex a dawn

and the sun cooks us mid morning
sweating alcohol
sticking to one another,
hangover like I was dying
or going insane.

She wants to be held

I want to puke
push her away

and she comes back,

moaning softly,
fingers clawing.
Even my arms are better than none
and I think her name is Sue
and she's actually not bad looking
though I didn't care last night
but even a killer
looks peaceful sleeping
and I want to be gone when she wakes
but it's my room.....

Mouth watering

Ease my arm from under her
she whimpers in her sleep
stand up shaky
throw up in the sink
Hands gripping the sides
looking down at the mess
feeling like I'd puked up
the last bit of good I had in me...

"You all right baby?"
I wince at her voice
"Come back to bed, hon..."
baby? hon?
She didn't know my name either
"P.J." I croak
"What?"
"My name....P.J."
"Oh, I know your name..." she giggles,
lying.
"Right." I say, too weak
to start shit,
and I climb back into damp sheets
sweat, sex, and liquor
and she wraps around me
like a vine,
or a snake,
and says "I love you, sweetie..."
and the bile churns back into my throat
so bad, so cliched
"Don't ever say that to me again..." I hiss
She recoils hurt, eyes wide
"Why?"
"You don't even know me...
I'd rather you tell me you hate me
than lie and say you love me..."
Her eyes narrow.
"I'd have to know you
to hate you as well, Asshole,
just trying to be nice..."
"Don't be nice..." I close my eyes and smile a bit
"I won't be..." She purrs and bites me hard on the chest
hout, she giggles
kisses her way down,
takes me in her mouth
and I forgive her
for being nameless
forgive us
for being weak and I wake up....
Alone

Thanks for your time folks....

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