Stadium Arcadium is the 9th studio album written and recorded by this the most enduring of the incarnations of the Red Hot Chili Peppers (Anthony Kiedis, Flea, John Frusciante and Chad Smith). Produced by Rick Rubin. it was released generally on Monday, May 8th, 2006, ending 4 years of anticipation and 2 years of frustration- it was SUPPOSED to be released April 2004 but, the Chilis being the perfectionists they are (note: irony) and what with all the time needed for mixing the songs- altho the majority of this time seems to have been spent masturbating, as a 14-minute preview of the album was released for download on the WWW in April 2006, and the mix was atrocious, all the songs sounded like shit, backing vocals were really low and i couldn't even hear the bass, so it must have taken them all of two weeks to perfect the mix for the official release of the album. But anyway, it's here and it's queer and my God is it ever queer (queer suddenly being my new word for something as great as this album, don't ask me why).

Amazingly, SA has found itself right at the top of my list of favourite RHCP albums. This coming from me, hardcore old-schooler, man who couldn't stand anything after Californication, who certainly couldn't stand much of By The Way (specially The Zephyr Song, what WERE they thinking? sobriety really doesn't suit the Chilis.) It amazed the hell out of me. Immediately after buying the album (the day following the release date) I almost regretted my decision, expecting to be hugely disappointed. I wasn't. Hell, I wasn't. With the exception of just a couple of songs on the album, it's greatness all over, reminiscent of the days of One Hot Minute and Blood Sugar Sex Magik, occasionally, shockingly, moving way back into the days of Freaky Styley. 28 songs and 2 hours of greatness.

Some people have criticised this album as being another 'John Frusciante and the band' album, like By The Way, and that the songs are all just life-support machines for his Jimi Hendrix-inspired solos. I disagree. As awesome as the solos are, and they are pretty amazing, simply from listening to the album it's clear that, just as with Mother's Milk and Blood Sugar, it was definitely a band effort with everybody playing at their best. Flea and Chad haven't been this good since One Hot Minute and Anthony, well, has never been this good. Johnny just seems to be in his own little private sphere. But the songs seem complete and perfect, and not as in By The Way, where Johnny said 'right then squire (he's just recently come out as being a cockney. And good for him, I say. There's nothing wrong with being a cockney. Lots of people are cockneys, they just never come out for fear of what 'society' will think of them. Ahem. Anyway.) these are the songs me and Anthony've written, you and Flea fill in the beat and the bassline.' So only about 5 songs on the album sounded good, and anything like the Chilis. That, I'm pleased to say, is not the case on this album. Far from getting worse as they get older and losing their connection to their funky roots with their youth, the Chilis are actually improving.

10 songs the Chilis recorded for this album didn't make it- they had actually recorded 38 songs and were considering releasing the album with 3 discs and not just 2. However, they are planning on releasing 7 singles (Dani California, Tell Me Baby, Storm In A Teacup (to be confirmed) Snow (Hey Oh), Stadium Arcadium (to be confirmed), and 2 others- possibly 2 of the unreleased songs), so the unreleased songs should find their way onto the proverbial B-sides (aside from the 2 possible non-album-songs/single releases). All that was what we were originally told. Thus far, the singles/videos that have been released have been: 1. Dani California 2. Tell Me Baby 3. Snow (Hey Oh) 4. Desecration Smile 5. Hump De Bump (US only) It's just new news every day, plans changed, possible single ideas dropped, video directors fired, new directors hired, that sort of thing. B-sides that have been released thus far: Whatever We Want; Lately; Million Miles of Water; A Certain Someone; Mercy Mercy; Funny Face; I'll Be Your Domino; Permutation; Joe; Save This Lady. (This is not including the live recordings they put on the B-sides.)

As well as the 2-disc album, Warner's have also released a limited edition 'Black Box', costing almost 4 times the cost of the album. What the black box is, and it is pretty amazing, is a box, containing: the 2 discs of the album, Jupiter and Mars; a DVD with videos and track-by-track commentary of the album by the band, and interviews; handwritten notes and artwork by the band (and o it gets better); marbles, a box of matches, and wooden spinning tops with changeable designs. That's IT. The black box also has the 'explicit content' warning, which the album itself doesn't (because of all the swearing in the commentary on the DVD). I tell you, the album needs a warning, and that warning should read along the lines of- WARNING: you WILL ejacugasm. Because I'm telling you you will. Unless you happen to have no soul.

That's all the information and trivia you need about the album. So, anyway, what you were probably expecting, the breakdown of the album.

JUPITER

Dani California: You will have probably already heard this song a million times by now, as it's the first single off the album (released 28/04/2006 (in the English way of date-writing), b-sides: on one version, Whatever We Want and Lately, on another, Million Miles Of Water, and on a third version, none at all), following the tradition of Suck My Kiss and Give It Away from Blood Sugar, Aeroplane from One Hot Minute, Around the World from Californication and Can't Stop from By The Way- not all first singles but that's the tradition- a fun, happy song, hard funky rock with a fun colourful video. Dani California represents, Anthony revealed over several interviews, not a single person, but an idea, the amalgamation of the spirits of several women he had met over his life. The DC tradition began in Californication with the 'teenage bride with a baby inside getting high on information', then carried on thru By The Way with 'Dani the girl is singing songs for me beneath the marquee of her soul', finally making a real appearance finally with this song, only, she's dead. The song is a love song for all the women of the world who 'never knew that there was anything more than poor', living their lives 'looking down the barrel of a hot metal .45'. It's a comforting salute to all the teenage mothers, heroin addicts, and victims of any kind of abuse around the world. The song, and its video, are really fun, despite the subject. This is because the message is of optimism. That for all the representatives and incarnations of Dani California, there is still hope. It's almost a prayer for these women. Also, as the song itself seems to get happier, the lyric sinks lower and lower, from 'looking down the barrel of a hot metal .45' to 'I loved my baby to death' to 'it only hurts when I laugh', which, cliched as it may be, really sums up what Anthony must have been feeling when he first thought of a song with the idea of Dani California as its subject. And the video. The video for this song is one of the greatest videos in rock, ever. The Chilis had initally wanted the video to be directed by Mark Romaneck but Tony Kaye (director of American History X). I don't know what other music videos he has done, I'm not sure he even has made any others, but he's obviously very good at his job. The song isn't really all that great, a fun pop hit, ideal choice for the first single, but in itself, it's just really simple, pop funk-rock. But the video. O, the video- it takes the viewer thru rock history with costumes. Johnny hadn't dressed up for a video since Give It Away. The filming of the video must have been so much fun. We start off with the curtains drawn on an old stage, black and white. The curtains open, revealing Anthony dressed as Elvis with the band behind him. Next scene, the Beatles. Then some psychedelic rock band I can't name. Then Funkadelic (Flea looks so great in the starry shades). They play about 10 bands or so, including Nirvana at their Unplugged show (in the 'it only hurts when i laugh' verse), the Clash, the Misfits and others. It's a really fun video. The specific bands they play are only supposed to be representatives of a certain XX century era in music, and not themselves. When they play the Beatles, they're using the Beatles to represent British Invasion, &c.. Imagine if Johnny had been around for One Hot Minute. This is the kind of song they would have written. Or if they had recorded another album between Blood Sugar and One Hot Minute. It also has a really pretty vocal harmonising part in the middle, 'who knew this other side of you', and a Jimi Hendrix-inspired guitar solo (the solo is the only solo on this album that Johnny worked out before recording- he quotes I think Purple Haze, paraphrasing, of course. The other solos, they're all, as in Blood Sugar, just first takes, nothing worked out, just sit down, record, no thinking, just feeling. The verses are fun and happy and not too hard but it definetely gets much harder for the chorus. THAT was a shock to me, hearing them play this hard.

Snow ((Hey Oh)): Third single, to be released eveywhere but North America on November 20. Tony Kaye, director of Dani California, will also direct the video for this single (MTV.com). The single version of the song has a huge chunk cut out of it, don't ask me why. B-side tracks: Funny Face, I'll Be Your Domino, and a live recording of a song called Permutation. All single releases everywhere will look like A- Snow B- Funny Face, but the international maxi disk also has I'll Be Your Domino and the UK 2-track only has Permutation (live). The song is very light and melodic and also incredibly floaty (floaty= that feeling you get when you listen to mind-blowingly amazing music or read some great poetry or a remarkably great passage in a novel or short story or something. You get the idea). It's kind of like a By The Way song, but one where everybody contributes equally. Kind of like Warm Tape, or Tear. Happy and light. There isn't really a lot more i can say about it. It has a really nice, incredibly difficult guitar riff. Also, the bridge stands out a lot in this song 'underneath the cover of another perfect wonder where it's so white as snow, running thru the hills where all my tracks will be concealed and there is nowhere to go'- Anthony really outdid himself on this album, in everything, the rapped songs, the melodic songs, hard or soft, he really excelled. The bass gets heavier and harder in the bridge, the guitar plays faster, Chad just seems to be having a whale of a time. The first example of how amazing the bridges on this album can be. The song's kinda disappointing until the bridge, and the outro, where it gets a lot heavier. The last few seconds sound like a possible tribute to Kurt Cobain, as the song ends in that screechy way.

Charlie: After the 3 recent abominations that Warner's called music videos, they are becoming a little desperate. So what they're doing is, they're asking amateur music video directors, film students, graphic design students, and anybody with a camera/computer who is over the age of 18 and is not Finnish (for some reason, they're excluding the Finns, or so I'm told) to make a video for them. Competition entries are to be put up on Youtube and the winner's video will be the official video for this single. Not only that, but they will be paid all of $5000, and get to see the Chilis in Paris. Not bad, I suppose. The winner will have something great to add to his CV too. But still. How desperate do you have to be? 'We can't afford real video directors, so we're asking the public to send in their ideas'. So. The song itself. The intro, with the few funky bass notes, made me scream with relief. Finally, some real funk and not the diluted pop shit on By The Way. Hell yes. You're gonna love it. The verses are hard and funky, but, altho it gets softer at the pre-choruses, it really doesn't lose any of the funk, and the choruses move up in hardness gradually. It's so unlike the Californication/By The Way soft, pop-funk stuff they've been pulling out their arses (there's a word I've never used before) lately. I want to be proved wrong on this theory, and I'm probably not the first or only person in the world to have this theory, but this song may be about cocaine. 'Charlie's making me smile'. Come to think of it, Snow may also be a reference to cocaine. I'm probably nowhere near the mark, but it's possible. Altho, cocaine was never Anthony's drug of choice, it was always heroin. If he ever took coke, it would almost always be with heroin to soften the blow of the come-down so I'm probably miles away from the mark. There's another theory that says that 'Charlie' represents imagination, soul, and energy. I really don't know about this one, but it's possible. It's the first real taste of hard funk rock on the album, not counting Dani California, which might have been a little harder and funkier. Guess they just didn't want us to come too soon? But this song is definetely a nostalgic look back at the old school Hollywood Chilis, with the coolness and the hardness. Uplift Mofo and Mother's Milk. At several points in this song there are two guitars, making it even heavier and sounding a lot fuller, a lot more complete. It is incredibly fun and one of the hardest things in the world to stay seated when playing this song. The song has some of Flea's best work for a long, long time, especially on the intro and outro and bass solos, the kind of thing that makes you shout 'THERE'S the Flea I fell in love with!', and Johnny gets back to his Mother's Milk/Blood Sugar roots with a little bit of Hendrix in there. Also there's a little shout-out to Flea for the first time in a while on this song- 'get the message-- on Flea's fist'.

Stadium Arcadium:Not the best song on the album, or the Chilis have ever written, but it's undeniably a really good song. I really didn't like it the first time i listened to it, but that's always a good thing. I actually hated the Chilis at first (it's tru. Hard to believe, but tru). It's good because it gives the song a chance to grow on me. It has many good points. I have no real, specific complaints. Dynamically, it's not just another simple pop song. The fist verse is soft, then the chorus is hard, then the next verse is a little harder, and so on. It's also heartfelt. It's not just an empty filler they put together in half an hour- their problem wasn't too few tracks, but too many. It is hugely emotional, and hugely heartfelt, more than all the Under The Bridges in the world. But it's just the fact that it smells of ballad-ness, I guess. I could never stand ballads. Plus Flea's mixed a lot lower than Johnny, and that pisses me off. Altho, yea, the guitar riff does sound a lot better than the bass, from what I can hear. It's like one of the softer Blood Sugar songs, where Flea just didn't even try. Flea and Chad do come out of the shadows for a while, tho- in the instrumental part, where Johnny has a lot less of a role until his own little, 10-second solo. The jungle drumming kinda reminds me of Bunker Hill (a B-side track from one of the By The Way singles.) I suppose, all in all, it's not such a bad song. It's definetely not my favourite, but I know many fans of the Chilis who have listened to everything by them and not just Under The Bridge and Scar Tissue, but still have songs like Porcelain as their favourites. So I guess everybody's tastes are hugely different, so you probably shouldn't base whether you'll like this album on how much I like or dislike it. Also I like the way the song's been positioned in relation to the other songs, sandwiched between the two great funk songs, Charlie and Hump De Bump. Check it out.

Hump De Bump: Haha. Hahahahahahaha. That's the sound of joy. I have felt no high greater than when I learned that none other than CHRIS ROCK HIMSELF would be directing the video for this song. (There's no single.) And the video is great. It has the look and feel of some kind of block party in some L.A. 'hood, like some kind of hip-hop video or something. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. The best thing is how much the Chilis play the whole ghetto/pimp thing out, so Johnny is acting all cool and gangsta and Chad's looking like a pimp and Anthony's got his grilles and they're shooting some b-ball and chillin with hos and, uhm, shit. The last three videos were complete abominations. I'm sorry, but a couple of live shows interspersed with footage of fans looking like they're having a ball? An amateurish-looking chilis-in-front-of-a-single-camera-on-a-mount? This video is soo refreshing. And Chris Rock is the MAN. No sex in the champagne room and shit. He's really outdone himself. You can dig the video on stadium-arcadium.com, but it'll probably be put up on Youtube as soon as it gets out on televisions. The song's amazing, too. So funky, so dirty. Think the best of the '70s funk era, played in the XXI century. When Anthony said that there would be some 'retardedly painful funk' on this album, by Bootsy you better believe he wasn't joking. The verse reminds me of Freaky Styley, and the chorus reminds me of Blood Sugar and Californication, but it smells mostly of Blood Sugar kind of stuff. As well as just the usual, guitar/bass/drums/vocals, which would have been great in itself, it also has trumpeting (in the choruses), by Flea, which I haven't heard in a big way since Mother's Milk, and a drum solo (!) hell yes, with all sorts of percussion which I have no idea what is being hit, but it sounds great. It sounds really great. I can't say too much more about this song- words fail me. It's outstanding in every way- lyrically ('it's not about the smile you wear but, the way you make out'- and the chorus, 'hump de bump do bop'- genius), the drum solo kicks ass, the bass is some of Flea's best ever work, it's just an all-over smelly piece of sonic funk.

She's Only 18: And the album softens back down- at least until the choruses, anyway. Softens, but doesn't lose any of the funk. The song starts off really cool and funky with the underwater bass. Hugely reminiscent of Mother's Milk and Blood Sugar, until the chorus and solo (which has wah-wah plus I think another effect, but it's probably just wah-wah), which are harder and more emotional- more like One Hot Minute, especially when the guitar solo comes in. The best thing is- it's also sexual in the Blood Sugar way, too- 'baby, it's time to get your fingers wet', 'I put my lovin' in your oven'. The choruses are actually really dark, surprisingly so. 'The book of love will long be laughing after you are dead'. This was something the Chilis had never done. Addiction, loneliness, cheating on your girlfriend, these aren't the usual things covered in most pop songs, but still, they're nothing like this.

Slow Cheetah: The deceptive song. It's clever, but as a song in itself, not that great. Okay, objectively speaking, as an acoustic song (reminds me of the kind of acoustic songs from Blood Sugar) it works, it definetely works. The deception. It's cunning, it's so cunning. First it'll make you think it's just an acoustic song. But then- a second, electric guitar is brought in (clean, tho). Then it'll make you think it's just a soft song. But it'll get harder. Then, after about 3:00, you'll think 'is it over?' as it gets quieter, but it busts back into the chorus again. Then it 'ends' again but ohh no it doesn't, it builds its way up again for a little more before it finally dies. The bass in the outro helps it lay down to sleep. It's clever. Not my favourite song from the album, tho. If you liked the Blood Sugar acoustic songs (Breaking The Girl, &c.) you'll love this. Also the verses get progressively harder and tighter, so it's put together really great.

Torture Me: Hard as a motherjumper. The bass brings you into it, it's getting in, getting into it and then BAM you find yurself in the middle of possibly the most emotionally hard song on the album, red mountains rising all around you, and the ground beneath you explodes propelling you up into the sky. Sounds a lot like a One Hot Minute song. The verses are hard, and the choruses are softer. There's a little bit after 1:58, which repeats the lines in the verses, and it gets much, much softer, but then, it suddenly breaks out again, breaks out hard, sends you crashing back down to Earth but with such force and intensity that you end up drilling a hole right thru the centre and bust out of its magnetic field at 3:05 and go on flying. The complexity and speed reminds me of Mother's Milk. And it also has the most brain-rendering trumpet solo in the world. I would have liked another in there somewhere, or possibly a longer trumpet solo or something, but I guess what they have works good enough.

Strip My Mind: Imagine a cross between Don't Forget Me and a solo Johnny Fru song. This is the bastard child of By The Way and To Record Only Water For Ten Days. Again, not my favourite song, but it's not bad, I guess. As a song. Flea really shows his range as a bass player on this song, making a soft song sound great with an immense bassline, especially the part just before the chorus. The bassline for this song is the best thing about the song, and is probably a better bassline than Soul To Squeeze (a single released in 1992, and not on Blood Sugar Sex Magik, sadly). And the moment when the solo broke in, my heart actually stopped. Johnny's backing vocals are really annoying, tho. And there doesn't seem to be a lot of guitaring on the song, just a single chord every 2 beats or something, until the second verse, and then it's all effected.

Especially In Michigan: But now we really get into it. This song apparantly, according to a friend, sounds like a bad Jane's Addiction song. Like Johnny's saying to Dave Navarro 'alright then, bitch, you want some of THIS?'. But it really is a great song. It does rock hard, like the One Hot Minute songs. The guitar solos are nothing to write home about- this is because they're not by Johnny Fru but by Omar Rodriguez of the Mars Volta. The bassline feels good in my soul, but the thing that really makes the song great is the lyric. Not the singing, which is great in itself, but the lyric itself, especially the chorus- 'cry me a future where the revelation's run amuck, ladies and gentlemen, lions and tigers come running just to steal your luck'. Personally I think that Johnny reached his peak a while ago, and Flea and Chad reached theirs back with One Hot Minute (tho some of the Stadium Arcadium stuff does sound a lot better than the One Hot Minute songs because of them), but Anthony, as a writer, a lyricist and a poet, and certainly as a singer, just keeps improving. I think that this song is vaguely about religion. I'll have to look over the lyric but, the part about the revalation's run amuck, there was something about presbyterians, and the thing about lions and tigers- that's definetely Blakeian. I'm thinking, because Flea is a huge William Blake fan, I'm thinking Flea got Anthony onto William Blake and he was inspired.

Warlocks: Another one of those retardedly painful funk songs we've been hearing so much about. The guitaring can't be heard too good over the bass, but that's okay, cos it's nothing special. It's incredibly hard and funky and fun, like the harder parts of Blood Sugar and Californication with overwhelming overtones of Freaky Styley. Just think, if Dr. Funkenstein had produced this album- altho, thinking about it, they're no longer horny little 22-year-olds so it probably wouldn't work as good. But still. The choruses and outro are reminiscent of Californication- kinda soft, but not really. Amazing work by Flea, and Johnny only really comes in for the choruses. It sounds like a song Flea 'wrote', like Give It Away, where he and Chad were just jamming, Johnny was trying to find himself in the whole thing, and Anthony bounded over with the perfect lyric for it. The bass is the most prominent part of the song.

C'mon Girl: Soft and funky until the chorus, where it sounds like the harder parts of Mother's Milk, without the funk- kinda like She's Only 18. The bass reminds me a little of Right On Time, at the speed Flea plays it. The whole feel of the song is kinda like a cross between the Mother's Milk album, and Let's Make Evil, one of the B-side tracks from the One Hot Minute singles. And the bass solo's not too great, just the same riff repeated over and over. I say it's a bass solo and not a guitar solo because the bass is a lot easier to hear on this song. And as it ends it slides its way on into the sound of Blood Sugar, kind of like a chaotic Suck My Kiss. With pervy laughter right at the end (reminds me of De La Soul in the Gorillaz' Feel Good Inc..

Wet Sand: A nice way to bring us into the ending of the Jupiter disc. It begins sounding very much like a 1960's pop song, really nice and pretty. Not too floaty, but it really works. It's soft- until the chorus, 'I thought about it and then I thought it out'. It doesn't make me float so much as, uhm- it's like a fist around my heart, gently squeezing it, massaging it, letting it throb and pulse, letting the blood drip slowly between its fingers. That's how it feels. And when the final verse comes in 'you don't form in the wet sand' (I think that's the line), my heart weeps. It's not floaty. But that's okay. And as it ends, it sounds like a Johnny Fru solo song, but with immense bass, and an ocean of emotion in the guitaring. It very nearly made me cry. It's also the second deceptive song on the album. It sounds all poppy and light and everything but it's actually one of the deepest songs ever. I mean, ever. The lyric is up there with Bob Dylan at his greatest- Anthony describes it as a conversation between a theist and an atheist (which makes sense, all the 'you don't form in the wet sand' 'I do' stuff, the 'I thought about it and I brought it out', &c.) It's so deep, and just so-- it just lets you sink into it, it gently overwhelms you until you break down weeping in its arms.

Hey: NOT the Pixies' song, just to clear that up (when I first saw the playlist I thought, wow, they're covering Pixies songs now?), but a goodbye love song. Johnny and Chad are really great in it, Flea sits back a little, happy to just do what Chad's doing. The vocals sound a little like Dosed, from By The Way- not the melody, but the sound of Anthony's voice. The song remains soft thruout, really soft and simple and poppy until the Jimi Hendrix, bluesy solo. It's a really nice way to end the album, kinda pretty and sweet and soft.

And thus endeth the first disc.

MARS

Desecration Smile:The fourth single release (b-sides: on CD 1 the b-side track is Joe, on 2 they're Funky Monks (live 2006) and Save This Lady. There is a video. And it really, really sucks. Okay, maybe it's not as bad as some music videos I have seen, but seriously. Their directors are just not trying anymore. All it looks like is, the Chilis rented a studio, put up a sunset backdrop, stood in front of a cheap, mounted camera and mimed. that is all. Flea has a hat. Chad's too tall so his head is cut off for a lot of the video. Johnny looks adorable, but he's Johnny, he's like a puppy. My God. My God. But don't let the video put you off. This song is quite possibly the nicest song on the album, and one of the nicest i have heard in a long time. Sounds like a cross between Dosed, the Blood Sugar acoustic songs and a Radiohead song. It starts off soft and slow, but gets harder. Pretty great. Like in Slow Cheetah, there are 2 guitars, one acoustic, one electric (live, he just plays his acoustic guitar). Johnny sings the last line of the verses. It's a nice song, and the solo and bridge make it shine. And it gets harder as it progresses. It's also kind of old, I have a bootleg of it from about 2003 or 2004. It's okay cos before the song begins, Flea says that the song is new, and the smarter members of the audience would record it and put it up on the net. So I have Flea's permission to own the pre-release live bootleg of this song.

Tell Me Baby: The second single, to be released 17th July (which is actually the same day Audioslave released their new single, so it was a pretty good day for music). The video was premiered recently, and good God it's fucking great (it isn't, I'm just trying to sell the Chilis to you people, but if I am to be honest, I didn't really like the video all that much. I mean, it's alright, it has its good points (Flea throwing a chair around, Johnny singing into the head of his guitar like it's a mic), but it's not Give It Away. It was directed by Jonathan Dayton and Valerie Faris, who also directed the videos for By The Way and Californication. It's all over MTV so dig it. The single will be released in 2 versions. The cover of the single is a bunch of stills from the video, I think, arranged in rectangles, and the B-side track for one release is called 'A Certain Someone', for the other, they are 'Mercy Mercy' and 'End Of Show Lyon', an end-of-live-show jam. The intro, the first 19 seconds, is really soft and light, making you think 'wtfunk?'- until it gets into it. Slap bass! It has slap bass! The guitaring is disappointing, it feels a little empty and hollow and forced, like in Universally Spanking (God how I detest that song), until a second guitar plays the solo. After the first solo, Johnny really gets into it. And then the main solo- good God. One of the rapped verses has one of the few examples of 'explicit language' on the album- 'life could be a little sweet but life could be a little shitty'- which they dubbed on the single version to protect young virgin minds and now it makes no sense at all (life could be a little kitty, what does THAT mean?!).

Hard To Concentrate: Anthony said that this song was originally a marriage proposal he wrote for Flea and I think it worked cos he's now very happily married with a (fairly) new baby Sunny Bebop. I actually love this song, even tho it's a soft song in the tradition of The Zephyr Song and Porcelain. I guess it's the percussion. I don't know what that is, a slapped acoustic bass? Chad using his hands and not sticks? I don't know, it's soft and percussive, but it sounds great- I don't hear any drumming aside from it, and if I strain I think I can hear the bass, so it probably is Chad using his hands. There's also a little bit of keyboarding, I think. And after 2:54 it kind of picks up, after all the 'you, agree, to take, this man, into your world, and now, we are, as one'.

21st Century: Another one of the old, '03/'04 songs. Great work by Flea and Johnny. Really fun and funky, but it should have been a slight bit louder- it's just too quiet, and seems to lack soul- I mean the intro and first verse. The song itself is great, and it really picks up after the first chorus. There are two guitars, and it's like a mix of funk, rock and reggae, it seems, what with the off-beatness and everything. The bass in the chorus is awesome. It softens up a little for the bridge, 'give (read?) me your scripture', but gets back into the hardness. Like most of the best songs by the Chilis, the bass makes it what it is. When it ends it sounds a little like a Mother's Milk or Blood Sugar song, with the screechy guitar in the last few seconds.

She Looks To Me: Nice and slow, and emotional. It's excellent lyrically, 'lost in a valley without my horses/ she needs somebody to hold/she looks to me like like heaven sent us for your roughest night', &c. Kind of hard. After a while it starts sounding like the Doors, but I can't say what it is that makes it sounds Doors-y. Very much like a By The Way song. For a while it sounds really ordinary, until it gets into it, and stands out as a pretty special song, shining in the darkness of all the rest of the shit that passes for music nowadays. Ends with two guitars, one playing the blues, the other playing some light By The Way funk.

Readymade: One of the greatest songs in the world, and I will shoot Warner's- or just their president, whatever- if they don't release this as a single. It's really hard rock with just a hint of funk in there (overpowered by the rock, tho). It has possibly the greatest bassline ever (and apparently it sounds just like some Jane's Addiction bassline, but I don't listen to a lot of JA so I don't know about this). When the bass came in in the intro, all I could think was good God Flea! It's really amazing. If Flea was as good as he is now during the recording of Blood Sugar, this is the kind of song they would have written and recorded, this is the kind of sound they would have had. Johnny sounds a lot like he did back in his Blood Sugar days too. The vocals in the chorus are floaty, 'when I give to you my second sight, you got it', with the rest of the band behind Anthony doing a little church choir thing. The guitar solo rocks ('yo, take it up Johnny!'), and there's a little beatbox part which is fun to dance to, and just sounds great. And then when it gets back into it, the guitaring sounds a lot like the Mother's Milk guitaring, which is really nostalgic. They actually did it, they went back to the good old days of Mother's Milk and Blood Sugar- if this song had no synth, I probably would have thought it was an unreleased Blood Sugar Sex Magik song.

If: The synth in the intro reminded me of Gong Li (B-side track to one of the Californication singles), but then, as the song begun all I could think of was what in the hell? It's like Porcelain, it's just, empty and sappy. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate sappy songs just cos they're sappy, I like a couple of soft songs I've heard, it's just- there's nothing there. It's JUST soft and sappy, there isn't even any drumming. I was hoping for it to get harder at some point, but no, it's just almost 3 minutes of the same level of softness, with the bass mixed way down so you can hardly hear it at all, which doesn't make sense, because it's one of Flea's favourite songs from the album, and was his idea to begin with. This song, I would have skipped it if I could do it, but I just can't, I can only listen to albums all at once, without repeating songs or skipping songs. But luckily once we've trudged passed this song, the album breaks on thru to--

Make You Feel Better: The happiest song in the universe! I thought it was Everybody's Gonna Be Happy by the Kinks but no, it's this song, the happiest song in the universe. I'm serious, it's impossible to be sad when you listen to this song, it's even happier than Can't Stop, it's so popy and happy and mmmmmm. The intro makes me think of The Power Of Equality, then, when it busts into the song, a Stooges song fused with a Pixies song fused with a Foo Fighters song. It's so happy and uplifting, makes me wanna jump around. THIS is where the greatness of this disc was hiding. It would have been with Readymade but If got in the way of it. Chad's really great in this song. It also has the second usage of the word 'amuck', which I love, and a little bit of surf rock bass- just for a second, tho. It's just pure, unadulaterated JOY, it's just so happy and pure, it's impossible not to love this song or laugh like an idiot when you first hear it. I'd like to see most of the second half of both discs released as singles. It's not gonna happen, but we really need something great played on the radio and on MTV, and kick the Kaiser Chiefs off the charts.

Animal Bar: I actually hated this song on the first listen, which is always a good thing, cos it meant it had a chance to grow on me. I actually used to hate the Chilis as well. Yep. It's tru. And, as they gradually grew on me, I just began to love them a lot more. It's the same with this song. It's not the case with everything, of course. I still hate the Kaiser Chiefs. But anyway. It starts off soft, and at the choruses breaks on into something a lot harder, bringing back the hard, energetic chilis. Kinda like a Foo Fighters song, circa their eponymous album. It starts with some great underwater bass, one of the best basslines ever. I have no idea what the song is supposed to be about, but I don't really care. It sounds great. It also has a great little horn part which I love, at the 'raindrops will fall from the sky, stealing their shape from your eye' verses. And the drumming kicks ass. Not a lot more I can say about it, it's simple, but beautiful. Hmmm, the underwater bass.

So Much I: This is the real shit, and you all know it. You WILL ejacugasm. I don't care if Lionel Ritchie's more your thing, you will. Trust me on this. On the first note. It's one of the hardest, fastest, funnest, happiest songs on the album, or indeed, by the Chilis, or by, well, anybody- sound so good make you wanna slap yo mamma. It's THAT good. The guitar riff makes you wanna run around, the bassline makes you wanna jump around and scream, and the beat makes you wanna dance. It gets a little softer for the chorus, but not by a lot. If the album was hitherto 'great', this song and the one following, Storm In A Teacup, push it up into awesomely stupendous, mind-blowing, an orgasm in the ear that explodes in the brain and blows red hot funk all over the ceiling. Yes. It's that great. Hard and fun and fast and energetic, and definetely should be a single. It won't be, the singles will all be the 'pop hits' from the album, but it should. A boy can dream, can't he? The guitar solo in the outro screams like you'd want it to scream, like Johnny used to scream back in the good old days.

Storm In A Teacup: The intro is vaguely reminiscent of Can't Stop, with the drum build-up. It's kind of hip-hop-y, and goes back to One Hot Minute, a little into Mother's Milk. And it's hugely floaty. This song is I think the only other slap bass song on the album (the other being Tell Me Baby). Flea doesn't tend to slap as much as he did, since, well, Mother's Milk, cos of his thumb falling apart and everything, which makes it even more magical when he does. He slaps on quite a few songs live, like Warlocks, but as with Right On Time, it's more a case of what his thumb wants to do than what the song calls for. I don't know too much about keys, but I'm guessing, the verses and choruses are all in a minor key and the pre-choruses in major. Or something. The sound of the pre-choruses is really dark and frightening and creepy, and at one point there are two guitars. It's really hard, and funky. It also has the line 'you're walking like a lady but you're looking like a sauerkraut'. No song that has this line can suck. Or the chorus, 'I know you can't straddle the atmosphere, a tiny storm in your teacup, girl'. I'm guessing, the teacup is supposed to be some woman's (well, girl, judging by Anthony's tastes in women- 18 year old models who look about 14) pussy, and the storm is supposed to be arousal. Or something. It ends beautifully, with a great bit of guitaring, which disintegrates into bubbles. It's nice. The following song does the same, vocals which disintegrate into bubbles.

We Believe: Light and funky, but it does get harder. Has a real, underwater sound, and also sounds electric. The only place I recommend mixing water and electricity (seriously- do NOT mix water and electricity. You've all seen that episode of the Powerpuff Girls). The vocals are kind of like a lighter version of Minor Thing in By The Way. The verses sound like the By The Way album, but the song gets harder for the chorus and starts sounding a little more like One Hot Minute or Mother's Milk. The drumming is great, the guitaring is pretty but the bass takes a bit of a backseat till the chorus. It also has a little bit where Anthony goes 'hm' in a little gay erotica, playful kind of way. And I think there's a chorus of children, but I'm probably wrong. Also the vocals end the song bubbly, like he's drowning. If Anthony drowned then he ended up in heaven, judging by the next song-

Turn It Again: We're suddenly back in the '70s funk days of Freaky Styley. Imagine what they could have done if Johnny was around for Freaky Styley. I'm not saying Hillel's not as good a guitar player as Johnny, he's probably a lot better, but Johnny wouldn't allow the Horny Horns to play the lead instrument on the album. I just can't hear Hillel too good on Freaky Styley. Anyway. The verses sound like Freaky Styley and kinda like Mother's Milk, and the choruses sound like Blood Sugar, but put together a lot better, with the backing vocals. Everything about the song is great, the guitar, bass (especially the bass), drumming, vocals, trumpet- it all goes together so beautifully. Johnny really helps Anthony out with the higher parts on this song. The outro sounds like a Blood Sugar outro, where Flea and Johnny just freak out completely, it's so chaotic and freaky styley.

Death Of A Martian: The last album by the Chilis that ended THIS good was probably One Hot Minute. This song ends the album beautifully. It's so light and melodic and haunting and tremendously floaty. It's to ease you gently back into the real world after your mind is blown completely and you're sat trying to pick up all the pieces. It provides you with the perfect bit of closure that you need to come back down after having licked the back of the sun. Martian was the name of Flea's dog, and he lived to a fine old age. He recently died. This is what the song is about, at the basic level, but it's pretty open to interpretation, really. Lines like 'make room for Clara's bare feet' are pretty self-explanatory, but 'I don't know what to say, look at what I lost today' are really open. The way it all goes together- many songs by the Chilis are all 4 huge personalities fighting for space, but this just, flows. The whole of it- vocals, backing vocals, guitars, synth, bass, drums- they all sound as if one huge note, one long flowing piece of liquid music. It all just flows really beautifully. And the ending, at 3:05. As I said, no album ended this good aside from One Hot Minute, with the chaos Transcending descended into. It goes into a spoken word reading of a poem Anthony wrote. Like I said before, he just keeps growing, as a poet and lyricist. As a poem, it really is tremendously beautiful and is the perfect way to end the album- to end any album. All great albums should end with poetry over blues guitar and the bass and drums going crazy, increasing in intensity.

Well, I am almost glad the band didn't go back to the days of their eponymous album and Freaky Styley, the raw, uinhibited funk. I can still feel the notes soaking into my skin, in the air I breathe, mating with my soul. I wrote this as I listened to the album, in one draft, two hours, writing only about the song that was playing as it played. Not many amendments were made- none after writing it once. I wanted to capture exactly what I felt as I listened. If I have failed in doing that, I do apologise. But as I sit here now in silence, I can still feel the notes in the air around me, and yet, not in our air. It's like they're floating thru the ether of a parallel universe laid down on top of ours. It's hard to describe this feeling, and I'm not all too good with cosmic terminology. But anyway. This is me, who, on Monday, May 8, when the album came out, was almost dreading buying it, fearing the disappointment. What if they don't go back to their roots? what if they carry on doing what they're doing, carry on with the path they're taking, going softer and lamer? Well, they did neither. That is to say, they didn't go back to their funky 1980's Hollywood roots- but they didn't become the next Nickelback, neither. And I really am glad, and relieved. The build-up to the album was all fear of disappointment. When I first heard the name, I really didn't like it, but I thought it would grow on me. It did. When I saw the official album art I honestly thought it was a joke. Lots of people had put up joke album art on the WWW and I thought that this, spacey, bubble text piece of shit that Warner's were trying to pass off as a Red Hot Chili Peppers album cover, I thought it was a joke. My heart sank when I realised it wasn't. I thought THIS would grow on me. It really didn't. But still, who cares about the album art, as long as the music's great, right? But after hearing the bootlegs and previews of Tell Me Baby, She's Only 18, Desecration Smile and Wet Sand, I was hugely disappointed. Maybe it was the fear of being let down that meant I really wasn't? Maybe it was like when I bought the Uplift Mofo Party Plan, thinking it would be the dog's bollocks, or even God's bollocks- when it wasn't, I hated it, but then it gradually grew on me, and now I love it. If only it was a woman. Maybe I came too soon? Well I've owned this album for over a week now and i only seem to love the songs more and more, so, I don't know. Time will tell.

But anyway. That was Stadium Arcadium. Any comments, additions, corrections, &c., /msg me, and I'll sort it for you. Thanks to artman2003, jessicapierce and Timeshredder for pointing out all my errors and mistakes in grammar (never my strong point) and formatting.

Sources: redhotchilipeppers.com, frusciante.net, stadium-arcadium.com, MTV.com, my poor brain.