banana bomb

Most essentially for this recipe you will need at least one banana, ideally one per person. Some might clamour for more than one, but to ward off pancreatic shock such numerical gluttony should be contravened.

Though ultimately the starting state of the banana won't be reflected well in the finished product, I always advocate the use of not-quite-ripe bananas, firm in their greenish-yellow peels. However, one might well say that there's no point in obsessing over finicky details given the foul process we are going to render unto these innocent ingredients.

Without peeling them, make a slice into the concave side of the banana(s). This is now the top of your to-be banana bomb. Put the banana on a piece of foil large enough that you can eventually wrap the sides around the top. But not yet. Pull back (but not off) the peel from the horrific wound you have now inflicted upon your fruit. Into this accusatory maw, cram in condiments; chocolate chips, marshmallows, sprinkles, cinnamon. Give a good squeeze of chocolate syrup or a dollop of maple syrup to completely gunk up the sad mess, the edges of the slice running with brown tears.

Fold the edges of the foil, loosely, around the entire banana. Set it, sliced-side up, on a barbecue grill and leave it. You may smell strange odours, but this is all part of the process. Leave it. Bizarre foam may push its way out through the edges of the foil. Let it. Keep the bananas roasting like this "until they start igniting or turning black."

At this point the banana contents will be quite hot and for the sake of the top of your mouth it will need some time to cool down to an edible temperature. Try starting to clean up the condimental mess while everything in the foil condenses back into the peel.

When the banana is ready for you, peel back the foil (not all the way, as this could get quite messy) and scoop out the molten banana-choco-marshmallow goop with your choice of spoon, fork, or spork, depending on personal preference. Chopsticks are right out.

Be warned that the consumption of this extraordinary confection will have effects beyond the merely culinary. We consulted zaykay!, a senior member of the Banana Bomb Squad, for elaboration on its mind-altering effects:

"There is enough sugar in one of these things to do incredibly strange things to one's brain chemistry. You might find yourself Somewhere Else In Time, In Someone Else's Clothes, Muttering Questions To Yourself.

Or you might just get really sleepy, like me, and have that inferno of distraction hoisted upon you."