Today I did some things I didn't think I would be doing when I woke up this morning. First I'd like to back up to last night. An aunt of mine was diagnosed with cervical cancer. I didn't want to share that news via text or Twitter DM although I could have, so I sent a text to the guy I like asking if I could tell him something when he had a moment. I wasn't expecting a call, but I got one anyways which was super nice. We chatted for about half an hour where he told me about having to take off his rain sodden clothes after a mad dash to his vehicle left him drenched to the skin. I wasn't feeling great when I went to bed, I woke up several times, but managed to keep everything down each time.

I don't know why this popped into my head today, but I was on Twitter when I saw a guy I had interviewed in the past tweeting. I remember his interview well since he was very talkative and I hadn't thought that he would be. He introduced me to a friend of his who lives out on the west coast, I interviewed him as well and know several other people he either works with or is friends with on Twitter. I was very nervous about doing this, but I sent him a message asking if I could run something past him. When he got back to me I asked if the company he works for had any internships that I could explore. He responded that they did, but it was things like database management and writing player profiles.

We traded a couple of messages before he asked if I had ever read a particular writer. I hadn't so he sent me a link to some pieces he had done. I read one I found on my own and was impressed with his heart and how he presented his story. My friend said that guy was the first person he thought of when I approached him. I could see myself in him even though I have a different style. We chatted a bit more about what I wanted. I was very honest with him and confessed this was a bit of whim. I told him I respected him and the people who were associated with him as they seemed like a fun hard working bunch that had good ideas and content. He said there team was currently focused on soccer and I said I could get into that.

At the end of our conversation he asked me to email him a short list of my career goals and to include anything I felt worthy of mention. Because I'm me I ended up sending him several paragraphs detailing why I'm awesome and should be awarded an internship. I put in a funny tl;dr P.S. at the end. I haven't heard from him yet, it may not go anywhere, but it might and I'm proud of myself for reaching out to him. It goes back to a lesson I learned way back when I thought selling insurance was a career I would be good at, you start with your warm fuzzies and go from there. Part of what prompted me to do this was I'm sick and tired of applying for jobs that I know are going to be bullshit even if they pay a living wage. 

I was in the middle of filling out an online application when the whole thing went blank and I discovered I was going to have to start over and retype the entire thing. I took a break and told myself I could go back to it tomorrow morning which is now today, but I didn't make myself do it. Several people are recommending I not pay my bill from the other guy's attorney that the insurance company retained. The latest person to advise this is an aunt of mine. I was really surprised when she said that, but I can understand where she's coming from. I don't have the money.

In other news I spoke with Jill and Jane's dad and his girlfriend about swapping living spaces. My main objection to living in the condo was the second hand smoke that seeped in through the walls and outlets, being able to breathe is a good thing and I couldn't when I lived there. I didn't know the neighbors that smoked had moved out. I'm thinking that I can save money if I can live in a smaller place that's closer to the bank and grocery store. Another thing the move would do would free from the memories I have here. I can get rid of a lot of things and continue to embrace a more minimalistic and simplistic style that suits my personality better than living in a suburban home does. There will be things I miss about living here if I do move, but when I thought about what a move would mean, my main emotion was relief.

I still feel tremendous dread. I'm scared and I hate feeling like this. But I know I'm better than I was before which is comforting. I was able to finish filing my taxes so that's one unpleasant thing off of my list. I'm not sure if the calculations are correct, I'm pretty sure they aren't, I'll have to send another email to support to try and figure out why none of the numbers change as I enter my information. It's kind of ticking me off that I'm allowing this to be such a big deal. Time to let go of the frustration and realize that it's the unsettledness from other parts of my life spilling over into aspects where it doesn't belong. I can do this. Just have to keep moving forward.