Were you born by cesarean section? Worried about your microbiome? In the dark ages of allopathic medicine, you were not colonized by bacteria from the sacred vagina of your mother by culture swab. " Babies born by Caesarean... a comparatively sterile procedure, do not acquire their mother’s vaginal and intestinal microbes at birth." Fully a third of US newborns have been denied the life enhancing vaginal to oral swab treatment and as adults are woefully deficient in healthy sacred vaginal gut bacteria! Now you can join our study, get colonized, and help the scientific community! Tell your friends! Heal your children! And eat out for free!
First, how do you become one of the lucky US citizens with a healed microbiome and Eat Out For Free? Join our study of the microbiota, a randomized controlled clinical trial.
Call our 888 number, operators are standing by, they will mail, fax or email you the medical release to get your birth history and evidence of previous cesarean section. After an interview with one of our kind and beautiful operators, and your review of the Clinical Trial Disclaimers and Full Disclosure, you will be randomized to Eat Out one of the five following groups:
1. Known Bitches
2. Women non-Feminist Scientists, non-Feminist CEOs and Sarah Palin Fan Women
3. Members of the Submissive Wife Club
4. Nice Feminist Women
5. Control group: Random woman at dinner with Eat Out of plastic blow up doll. Sterilized between sessions.
Microbiota swabs of mouth, bellybutton and stool, and neuropsychological testing will be obtained prior to your first Eat Out, three weeks after, and after the second Eat Out. Eating Out your dinner date will take place in a Functional MRI Scanner at FuckingCuntLabs. You may refuse to release orgasm videos to the internet. Each participant will receive a two for one coupon from participating restaurants for each orgasm of either partner (excluding the blow up doll) documented on fMRI!! We are delighted to list our sponsoring chain restaurants. Please call our 888 number or contact your local non-chain restaurants and food trucks for participation.
Participating restaurants include
McGmomic Happier Meals
Chainmail Restaurants Inc
Indiana Fried Chicken with flesh eating E Coli
Ballers "Where the waiters let it all hang out"
Sponsored by SB, LNKW, TPhD and the AAF.
functional MRI of a woman's brain while having an orgasm
void in states where prohibited.
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