I am the alpha and the omega. I am the Duchess of Dark and Tasty corners. I am an evil, tyrannical Empress disguised as a spotty student who works at a frozen yoghurt stand.

Watch me as I strike terror into the hearts of the fudge sticks! Cower as I banish disobedient rainbow sprinkles into the hellmouth that is my grey plastic bin! Recoil in horror and disgust as I demonstrate what happens to those poor, unfortunate chocolate flakes that chance to break in half on my shift (I eat them).

I am the Tenessee Secret girl! Fear my wrath!

Quote of the (insert amount of time here):

"I wish I was a werewolf. Then I could eat people and wake up nakid!" -My friend Horsemeat