That's going to be the theme for today. Way too many beers last night, my brain is once again trying to escape through my temples. It's only 8:30am, but it looks like the day is written off.

I remembered a dream I had a while back, so I though I'd share it before going back to whining.

Last year I took a month off work and went on a 700km solo kayaking adventure. I pedaled 8 hours a day (my kayak has pedals as opposed to paddles) down the river, my kind of a holiday. My set up was a bit.. overkill, but that's because my original idea was to quit my job and kayak 2500km down the river in a few months and then depending on how I felt, do some open water island hopping or possibly try and get a job wherever I'd end up. Well, I either like my job, or I chickened out, but that plan turned into a 1 month trip, but my kayak set up stayed the same.

Even though I had a water filter, I ended up lugging about 20l of water with me. One day I was running a bit low on water while I was camped, and since it was raining, I ended up collecting some rainwater, drank as much as I needed and filled up my reserves. The following night I had the dream...

If I had to describe it in one word, that word would be elemental.
I was water, I was water when it first became water, I was the ocean before there wasn't anything outside of it, I was the rain that watered the first plants. I was the cloud above the dinosaurs. I was the morning dew on luscious green grass, a cheeky waterfall. I was fresh and refreshing and young and playful and as old as time. I was a drop with memories of the ocean, no, not memories, part of the ocean, never separate, always water.

I'm not a wishy washy kind of a person, so this is not how I generally think, though I have wondered in my younger years about drinking million year old water molecules.
I felt like the pagans, the old folk, the people connected to mother earth.

It was beautiful, a highlight of my life.

I like not being myself, but one can't be a zen pizza all the time (one with everything).

Thank you for this little break from reality.

Back in my dark room now, a pounding headache, spewey, and wishing I could bury myself in cool earth, nuzzle a rock and let mama earth take away my troubles.


Be yourself