Proper story’s supposed to start at the beginning. Ain’t so simple with this one.

Rucks (voiced by Logan Cunningham), «Bastion»

For want of enough yearly rainfall in Bulgaria the green fuzz between EDB’s toes was lost.

For want of the green fuzz an important subspecies of fungus was lost.

For want of fungal biodiversity in Bulgaria the topsoil was lost.

For want of adequate biological processes in soil Helicigona ardica was lost.

For want of endemic insects the whole of Miniopterus schreibersii family was lost

For want of echolocating animals the constant hiper-audible sounds present in Magura Cave were lost.

For want of inaudible animal sounds in Magura Cave the epipalaeolithic peoples’ brains grew unable to reach altered states of consciousness when exposed to near-absolute silence.

For want of altered states of consciousness in epipalaeolithic humans the original need for transcendence was lost.

For want of a meaning to life beyond this earthly home and this temporary body the efforts towards building the Tower of Babel were lost.

For want of a physical connection between Heaven and Earth the division of mankind into separate languages was lost.

For want of linguistic diversity most of what we know as the field of comparative philology was lost.

For want of comparative philology the concept of Ural-Altaic languages was lost.

For want of Ural-Altaic languages its corresponding entry on The Anglo-American Cyclopaedia was lost.

For lack of entries in an old encyclopedia the publishing company «A Random House» was lost.

For lack of a suitable body of copyeditors, translators, advertisers and publishers, the «Complete works of Friend Behr» was lost.

For lack of a single source of simultaneous divine inspiration and madness, Eris was lost.


Eris did not retroactively begot Ponos. Ponos did not begot Uther. Uther did not begot Arthur. Arthur did not begot Mordred. Mordred did not permeate the universe with microscopic McGuffin-esque beings.

These things did not infect Shmi. Shmi did not begot Anakin. Anakin did not begot Leia. Leia did not begot Ben. Ben did not rupture the physical laws of time and space to transport flashy weapons of old at faster-than-light speeds.

The rupture of time and space did not allow for prehistoric civilizations to achieve enough comfort to produce abundant food for all its members. Food scarcity did not allow Pearl to reach adulthood. Pearl did not begot Wilma. Wilma did not begot Pebbles. Pebbles did not begot Chip. Chip did not plant soy. Soy did not give Abel the strength to stop Cain. Cain did not stop the cycle of violence. Vito did not begot Michael. Michael did not begot Mary. These are of no further consequence, but are included as an example.

Franky did not begot Ma. Ma did not begot Joe, William, Jack and Averell. They in turn did not begot the gold rush in the Wild West.

The peaceful life in the eastern coast did not move Sven to find a partner. Sven did not begot Rubert. Rubert did not begot Garwood. Garwood did not begot Howland. Howland did not begot “Old Tut”. “Old Tut” did not begot Orville. Orville did not begot Abraham. Abraham did not begot Homer. Homer did not begot Bartholomew.

Dingus begot Fergus. Fergus begot Hortense. Hortense begot Donald. But this happened in another dimension of no consequence.

So all the generations from Eris to midichlorians would have been seven generations, and from midichlorians to the rupture of spacetime would have been six generations. From the rupture of spacetime to the perpetuation of violence in mythical times would have been six semi-causal links and four generations, from the perpetuation of violence to the negation of the gold rush would have been innumerable counts of bank robbery. Finally from the peaceful life on the East coast to Bartholomew would have been nine generations. None of these numbers are particularly important.


For lack of «El Barto» a whole generation of rebels was lost.

For lack of rebellious design and engineering the technology for flight was restricted to boring airplanes and any talk of flying cars was restricted to the golden age of Science Fiction.

And all for the want of an average year of rainfall in West Bulgaria.

A ReQuested writeup: «See the lock text on I was promised flying cars. reQuest that someone explain this, in a separate node.».