Losing your virginity

Being a virgin I am speaking only from what I've thought about non-stop since I began puberty.

I have talked to many people about sex. I hear the same things so many times it's funny. Here are two fine examples:

Many woman say, "Just wait and let it happen and it will happen when you least expect it." Now this is referring to both love and sex, and so many women say that. Many females that lose they're virginity seem extremely let down by that fact. Basically like they've lost something they can never get back. This is understandable, after losing your virginity, as a female you have some extremely physical things changed. Plus it wasn't necessarily pleasurable and it was almost certainly painful. I can understand where women come from too, because they don't need to try to have sex, it just happens, and if you didn't force it, it would probably just happen.

Men say, "Hey man, it's really easy, just go for it, it's easy to make happen." I see male sluts going around getting laid every couple days, they're groinal regions a virtual experiment in progress. I see them using women and being assholes and getting exactly what they want when they want it. Now that previous quote was what a male slut type guy would say.

For guys, usually, losing your virginity is a lot LESS of an impact than it is for women. If it wasn't great, so what? As long as you didn't contract something, it was just a bad experience. For woman after they're first, if it was terrible, they feel let down, they hurt, they bleed. Obviously for women even after a great first time they hurt and they bleed, but perhaps it was worth it. Which would make all the difference in the world.

Sure I wouldn't mind sex, but I'm not going to go out and do what all those assholes do to get it, I'm going to be myself. Of coarse somewhere in the mix you have got to have some balls and take initiative. In our society it is the man that traditionally makes the first move. I am getting better at dealing with women and I'm sure a serious relationship is right around the corner. I suppose I'm simply writing this to get some thoughts out that have been bouncing around in my head. Anyone that would like to add to this conversation please do so, I'm interested in everyone’s opinions on this subject.

Thank you for your time.

While men may act as though it's not big deal, and there's all that male posturing that goes on with them, is it safe to assume that it really is no big deal for them? I wonder, and my intuition says it is a big deal, and many of them feel trapped by this social myth that losing their virginity, or causing someone else to lose hers, is no big deal.

Sometimes I feel a lot of male hostility and adolescent male behavior (that's not necessarily limited to the adolescent ones) comes out of this... a kind of jealousy that you'll pick up on in lots of different ways and things that boys/men will do, say... whatever.

Then again, this is more a hunch than a clear reading of how most men feel, considering I don't have a base of experience to say how most men would feel about anything.

A lot is made of penis envy and theorizing about why women are the way they are (or are judged to be in the view of certain men)... much less often is this turned around, but you can find notions of this under: vagina envy and elsewhere. Granted, everything is not a random sample and cannot be relied on for objectivity or being representative. Still, a fascinating write-up, with many ramifications and interconnections.

We threw away our cares on petting and necking, because as we all know affection is just another word for instant gratification.

We squirmed away in closets and hallways and parent's bedrooms, achieving victory in a mess of cries of pain and anxious attempts to match rhythms (and often failing miserably).

And we called it good. We called it normal.

And then we asked ourselves...what's next?

After all, we'd done it all. Well, except for the stuff with the latex and chains.

Firmly quashing that little voice in the back of our heads that said it may have been about something more than "coming of age" or "getting off".

...And then we stopped talking about ourselves in third person plural.

It took me the longest time to figure out that affection was about that connection with another person that went beyond emotion or personal gain.

It took even longer to admit that perhaps, just perhaps, virginity was in my heart as well as my groin, and that perhaps the two needed to line up for the whole practice to be more than just mutual masturbation with a variety of appendages and orfices.

Maybe, for some of us, it's more a practice of gaining our virginity, our hearts, the ability to feel and be safe with another person, rather than just another goal to achieve...