Near Matches
Ignore Exact
Everything
2
How to calm a cat in heat (idea)
See all of How to calm a cat in heat
, there are 4 more in this node.
(
idea
)
by
TinFoilGod
Thu Sep 07 2000 at 18:27:28
Equipment:
1
cat
in
heat
1 Q-tip
Procedure:
Grab wailing,
squirming
cat and place it on your
lap
with its
hind quarters
readily accessible. Chances are the cat will freely offer them, if not the first time this
procedure
is followed, then certainly each time afterward.
Insert the Q-tip into the cat's
vagina
. It will be exposed and
puffy
. Do not insert the Q-tip into the other
orifice
. Either way the cat will begin to
scream
, but there is a subtle and
audible
difference in the scream of
satisfaction
and the scream of rectal pain.
Experiment
a little until you can
distinguish
the two.
Move the Q-tip in and out of the cat's
vagina
slowly at first, then more
rapidly
. No need to be gentle, no matter what you do with the Q-tip it beats a
barbed
cat penis
digging around in there.
You are
finished
when the cat is
finished
. You will know when the cat is finished because it will either begin immediately to have a cat orgasm, or it will run away with the Q-tip sticking out of its ass. If this happens let it
enjoy
itself for a few minutes before attempting to
retrieve
your
Q-tip
.
That is it, you are
done
. Enjoy the peace and quiet until the cat
flares up
again.
What to look for:
The cat
orgasm
that follows this procedure is something the likes of which I have never seen elsewhere. It is a wriggling, leaping, moaning dance of
ecstasy
that defies any experience of pleasure my mind can even begin to grasp. If humans had orgasms with the
intensity
of a cat serviced in this way there would be no such thing as
war
,
hunger
,
capitalism
or
God
.
Background:
A cat in heat is, with few exceptions, one of the most
irritating
things to have living in your home. A cat in heat will follow you around and howl at you in a
bone chilling
, hideous wail until you are ready just to toss it outside and let it get pounded by the local tom's. After a few days of this
torture
having to drown a few kittens sounds
relaxing
. This cat-saving technique was first demonstrated to me by a terminally un-squeemish
roomate
of years past.
Cats don't masturbate
teaser tom
Maggie the cat and LSD
Don't let your cat eat toothpaste
A Perverse Test
10 Ways to irritate, annoy, and anger your cat
Q-Tip
Quieting a crying baby
All Purpose Cultural Cat Girl Nuku-Nuku
I don't care if you're the customer, I still think you're wrong.
It's not the size, it's what you do with it
heat
feline hedonism
cat's meows
catnip
That was a joke, son.
Looking for a kitten
I don't care about society, it just gets in the way of my individual freedom
...
YMMV
If a black hole were created on Earth
Spay