Now you read "I Hate Trick or Treat" and clicked on this because you thought
one of three things:
1. How could anyone hate Halloween? It's so much fun! factgirl
is a stick-in-the-mud.
2. How could anyone hate Samhain? It's so spiritual! This
Goddess of Wicca is gonna give that factgirl a little
blessed-be-kick-in-the-ass!
3. Right on, factgirl! Give 'em hell!
Well, all of you are in for a big surprise. I LOVE Halloween. I LOVE dressing up. I LOVE
parties! I LOVE all that Goddess crap. What I do not like is Trick or Treat.
Parent: Ok Timmy put a mask on and go up to that door and ask for candy!
Child:
But I'm scared!
Parent:
Don't worry I'm right here.
Child: Ok
DING DONG (door opens)
Child: Trick or Treat
STRANGER: Hey there Timmy! I'm not
a STRANGER anymore! Now take some candy! Did I say I'm not a STRANGER anymore?
Come on over anytime! I have Nintendo and Sega! and I always keep good snacks
and candy around! Now don't be a STRANGER, y'hear?
or:
Parent: I am such a good parent we will only go to people's
houses we know!
Child: But I'm scared!
Parent:
Don't worry I'm right here.
Child: Ok
DING
DONG (door opens)
Child: Trick or Treat
Friend: Hey there
Timmy! How nice to see you. are you going to a big Halloween party? You sure are
dressed up fine! You look like a little pokey man! What? you want candy? Oh my
goodness candy! Well, Timmy my food stamps don't cover candy so I made these nice
caramel apples. Let's just drop one into your little bag. What? Your candy will
stick to the apple? Your dad said no apples 'cause of razors? That's horrible! I
would never! oh, ok, yes then if you are allergic...All right Happy Halloween to
you. Good bye. (door shuts - muffling a sob from inside)
and lastly:
Child: I'm so lucky to be old enough to go without dumb old
Mom and Dad! I'm going to get the most candy in the entire
world!!!!!!!
NOTE ON DOOR:We are truly sorry, we've had a death in the family, and won't be
celebrating Halloween this year.
DING
DONG (door opens)
Child: Trick! (egg
splatters on widows shoes...children scatter)
Trick or Treat sucks. It is rude. It is stupid. This year I'm giving out
toothpaste (yes, one squirt each, right in the bag).