Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I'm sorry if you find this insulting, but I shouldn't even have to tell you how to brew a goddamned cup of tea in the first place, so pardon me if I make no assumptions"

• I'm beginning to think that nothing I think or say makes sense to anyone but me
• I keep thinking I'm so tough but I rarely care enough to prove it. So am I really tough then? Or does every dog just have its day?
• I'm so shallow, a new t-shirt makes me happy
• one kiss: bad for me, but i give in so easily. i'm weak.
• How to make a decent cup of tea
• If you don't know how to make a mu, you have no business measuring quantities that small.
• I'm so sorry my brain works that way
• I'm so goddamned cruel to you. But you'll never know
• I'm sorry I was speeding, officer, but I really have to get to the hospital
• She's smarter than me but she's also more quiet, therefore she has no personality which makes me feel better
• I can't even begin to tell you how I feel about certain things for reasons that you may find difficult to understand
• I would've taken an axe to it, but I'm pretty sure the dryad would have pulverized me
• please come stay with me in the forest so at least i have one person with whom i have no secrets
• Perhaps pain will stop me where good sense and virtue have failed
• makes you wonder how you ever felt affection for somebody who could hate you so
• How to get Apache to tell your visitors when files have moved or been deleted
• i am a seedling. i don't even understand how much i have yet to learn.
• I hope they kill me while I'm standing here, so I can die happy.
• Make something beautiful, no matter how ugly the steps in making it are
• He tells me that I could have his heart and I want to take it right then, slip it into my pocket and run
• I was pretty sure that wasn't how slasher films were supposed to end, but you won't see me complaining.
• Tell me about your secret places
• Does this strategically placed leaf make me look fat?
• Please don't tell me how to do my job
• tell me what you have in your heart
• I didn't have the heart to tell him I was lying about taco night, but at least the hellhound made some friends
• What makes him so goddamned special?
• You beat it in me, that part of you/But I'm gonna split us back in two
• How Could You Want Him (When You Know You Could Have Me)?
• It's not worth thinking about. Have some tea. Come walk with me.
• i hope i make it out, because i have a lot to tell you
• I have no idea what you're talking about, so here's a picture of a bunny with a pancake on its head.
• How to make everything2 a better place
• I've lost my memory but I have ink, so.
• "Too long ago" makes no sense to me.
• when even the plants have abandoned me
• I'm sorry sir, but it appears that the abyss hasn't put you on the guest list...
• I'd tell you but then I'd have to kill you
• I don't believe in God or the soul but these machines can make me cry
• when I am King, we will have no such things, but, my lads, if the old king my father were dead, we would be all kings.
• Oh, no. Look, you've gone and made me optimistic. I was before, but now it is showing.
• I'm not religious, but I think I have a close relationship with God
• Being a dickhead
• But I'm a good person! Yeah great you wanna help me with this or what?
• I have no proof that he would ever want to kiss or destroy me.
• Movie trailers are not effective as advertising
• That icky feeling when a client calls with a downed server and you have no clue how to fix it
• I'll look at this in a year and wonder how I could have been so stupid
• I didn’t know why it took girls so long to do their makeup until someone showed me how to dismantle the patriarchy with an allen wrench and a roast chicken ballotine.
• So - you've been making love to me ten thousand miles away - how tantalizing.
• Tell me what I'm supposed to be feeling
• this writeup made me hungry like DAMN so I'm chinging it!
• I suppose I could have married a World Cup soccer player, but I didn't
• Oh, look at me, I'm so drunk
• you have ghosts. where are they? are they so deep that the light cannot reach them? is there any such place?
• This place makes me embarrassed about my spelling, not my sexual deviations
• I'm so sorry. I just couldn't not.
• Deliver me from a place where there are no scars.
• Tell me what God is like, cause I'm starting to forget
• So then I tried staring into the abyss, but it got distracted by a weasel and ditched me
• The body's alive, but no head. I'm having a lot of trouble accepting it.
• How to develop one side of your butt and still have the other one flabby
• I'm no fucking Buddhist, but this is Enlightenment.
• Tell me a story about a burro, standing atop a mesa, surrounded by a flock of geese, being fed by a weathered old man wearing nothing but a Jimmy hat
• Your radical ideas about many things have already occurred to others but have never been articulated in a fashion so accessible to current generations
• It wasn't so much a trip down memory lane as it was me carjacking someone's memorymobile and speeding off down the freeway, but I digress.
• click this idiots, even though I'm telling you that there is no node with this title
• You make yourself lonely even though you don't have to
• They say time makes things easier but only time will tell
• Take it til you make it, break it if you have to, but don't ever fake it.
• We can't even sort out the space between people, we have no business building rockets.
• I don't know why but I always love episodes without words. like just something about them makes me feel calm or something..
• in this world there are no equals but some day you will surpass me
• Lady Evolution, why have you wronged me so?
• if you buy into the wizard's bullshit, soon you're all standing waist-deep in things you didn't even know could exist and no one has any clue how to stop him
• I'm happy but you don't like me
• no exact amounts since I have no idea how many people you feed
• You just have to tell me these things, okay?
• Mull around in my mind for a while and you'll find so many treasure troves and so many graveyards that you won't be able to tell the difference between them
• How to tell when you have really messed up your relationship
• Have you ever been so excited about your life that it makes you almost want to cry?
• How to say "No" and have people listen
• i'm afraid i will have to request that no one have the name "john" ever again. Existing "johns" will need to change their names.
• I would have tried, but Charlotte kept Charlotte in the world of Charlotte and she barely heard me
• This makes me ache. I have holes of aching.
• I'm sorry, but we can't watch the rest of MacBeth until it is censored
• Tell me how you want to die, and I'll tell you who you are
• I am no doubt moving. The question now is not where, but how. My life changes everyday. Big deal.
• I'm taking all I have to take, this taking's gonna shape me
• You have no power over me
• My first comet
• I'm changing the climate! Ask me how
• I'm gonna be sad and then I want you to make me laugh
• No, but I'll have a beer
• I'm waiting for what will make me stand still the rest of my life
• But alas, I have no badger to offer you
• Seems I might have stolen the blue part of her rainbow, but all I really did was make it bigger, a way bigger blue
• This is how it appears on Wikipedia and they tend to be somewhat anal about grammar, so I'm trusting this is correct
• Due to the Incompetence of our novice author, our heroine, cahla, finds herself in the wilds of Djibouti; there is no denouement in sight, but the moonlight is pretty.
• I may not have had enough of me but I've had enough of you
• I may be cold and calculating, but that doesn't make me a computer
• I'm so toasty, you could spread jam on me
• She may be pretty and have more money than me but she doesn't write songs about you.
• No one asks me if I'm a Satanist or anything because I take the precaution of wearing a predominantly flannel and hawaiian shirt-oriented wardrobe
• Don't make me angry, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry
• I'm so sorry
• spectres tell me your secrets so I might become a champion
• I'm so glad I'm no longer alone
• I told her I could read her mind, but she didn't believe me. I could tell.
• You haven't seen it and you don't understand. I have malice. I have cruelty. The little fire that's always been inside me isn't so little anymore.
• I want the stars so bright they make me breathless
• Tell the Center I'm Sorry
• no easy love could ever make me feel the same
• The sheer fact that I'm in a developing country should make me a better person, yes?
• How to tell when a journalist has no idea what they're talking about
• Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me think I deserved it.
• Maybe I'm naive but this type of website bugs me
• I used to like it, but it makes me sick to the stomach
• I will make him promises, but not ones I am afraid to break
• As Guan Yu would surrender to the Han, but not to Cao Cao, I will surrender to you, but not to your desire to control me.
• Yeah I can love my fellow man; but I'm damned if I'll love yours.
• but the future is always tomorrow -- even now drowning in bytes
• I know it's boring to go on about it, it bores me to sleep, but what the hell, why doesn't it fade
• love me less, but, love me for a long time...!
• You can put your boots in the oven, but that don't make them biscuits.
• New York I Love You, But You're Bringing Me Down
• The bastards hung me in the spring of '25, but I am still alive.
• but you should be right here, right next to me
• I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to anyone, but they've always worked for me
• He comforted me when he thought I needed it, but never when I really did
• I would kiss you, but I don't know how to kiss
• You're voting this sucka down now, but I'm going to laugh
• Hot, Fragrant Java: The Brew that Changed the World
• We had no bait but our tongues
• He had fallen in love, but I'm pretty sure the hellhound was only in it for the belly rubs
• Nah, these random encounters with beautiful strangers won't destroy me at all. But I guess I thought it'd be a good way to die at the time.
• curiosity killed the cat, but it never hurt me
• There is no god but God
• Sorry for the inconvenience, but the beta has come to an end.
• I don't have a soul. But something still hurts.
• There is no dream but this.
• I may not know anything but I know I'm not American
• untie the boat and turn on the water i'm gone i'm gone i'm gone but it's alright
• No Snakes, but We’ve Got a Lot of Folks Looking
• Why is it bad to make gays bishops, but okay to kill them?
• I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way. So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
• I didn't mean to write this, but this is how it came out
• Lots of MIPS but no I/O
• It's not so much that I like him as a person God, but as a boy he's very handsome
• But beauteous fields lie just before me
• it's not what you node, but how you node
• How can I help but use your eyes as a means for self-asphyxiation?
• She might not need me. But then again she might.
• words I've wanted to tell you but never seem to be able to
• The FOOLS! They laughed at my theories at the university, but I'll have my revenge! I'll have my REVENGE!
• I'd love to stay and let you break my heart, but I have laundry to do
• I'm nothing but a flower falling off a winter stem
• you can lower your standards, or your pants, but you can't make them love you
• The bastards got me but they won't get everybody
• I'm straight, but you might be the one
• I love you but you are not here, oh how my poor heart aches with angst
• she doesn't write, doesn't tell you stories, but somehow it's her words that spring to mind at those crucial, terrifying moments, and for that you are eternally grateful
• You're not laughing now, but I'm voting this sucka up
• I'm poor, but I'm happy

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