Here's the stuff we found when you searched for "I dialed, snarled "Jesus can't help you now!", and laughed madly. They offered me the job."

• They might not need me - yet they might -
• When words fail me, music helps. I can at least sing along.
• Now I understand what you tried to say to me
• I'm gonna be sad and then I want you to make me laugh
• Me And Jesus The Pimp In A '79 Granada Last Night
• Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me... uh... you can't get fooled again.
• I don't have any secrets. Now ask me if I have any lies.
• tied up now fuck me (user)
• me, now and again
• They forgot to give me the operating system!
• So help me God
• I'm trying to see little old ladies as versions of my mom; it helps me be a better person
• Pirates and ninjas: why they should be friends but can't be
• Fuckin' Jesus told me to betray the conspiracy
• Nothing can stop me now
• you tell me i live in a malady called imagination and i only can laugh
• We're bigger than Jesus now
• Now open your eyes and tell me what you saw
• They are telling me it is time to go
• And They Believed Me!
• I joined the Army in order to die, and they sent me where I could die
• The bastards got me but they won't get everybody
• if they forget me, I just might disappear
• Oh be a fine girl kiss me right now sweetheart
• Can't you hear me knocking
• Please help me!
• Help me help you
• Laugh maniacally, because I can't bear to see you cry
• Please don't tell me how to do my job
• Rock Me, Sexy Jesus
• I can only pray that the same technology that created this crisis can help me put an end to it.
• Take Off My Pants and Tell Me You Love Me and I'll Laugh in Your Face and Call You a Slut
• I see it on the TV and I laugh out loud, but it's the way I feel right now.
• Only Jesus can judge me
• I can't think of anyone who could appreciate more than me your eyes and your voice
• Oh, no. Look, you've gone and made me optimistic. I was before, but now it is showing.
• Can't Buy Me Love
• Fuck 'em if they can't take a joke
• I gotta go right now. Someone is videotaping me in my spaceship.
• Black People Hate Me and They Hate My Glasses
• They Call Me MISTER Tibbs!
• You can now flame me, I am full of love
• I do not think that they will sing to me.
• Real hackers start their own IRC networks so that they can't be traced by the FBI
• think of me now
• they see in me a man that is empty, in need of love. that will not hurt them.
• Trail your finger through the air, and then tell me you can't feel it
• They call me Engineer-khan
• Do you love me now, Daddy? Do you think I'm pretty?
• They need food AND water? You didn't tell me about the water part.
• I like you. Now let me tell you all my flaws.
• you kissed me on that night you can't remember
• Help! I'm noding and I can't get up!
• help me (user)
• You dropped that name, let me help you pick it up
• I can't decide if what you're saying is too profound for me to comprehend or just insane
• How is poetic form going to help me scream about revolution
• Fragmentation often helps me perceive facets
• Why can't my employer pay me more?
• Jesus Wants Me for a Sunbeam
• lord help me, for i am weak
• Jesus loves me, right?
• I feel the way bank robbers must feel before they go out on that last job that ends up getting them all killed. That is to say, optimistic.
• They took my job. They took my hands.
• Drop Kick Me Jesus, Through The Goalposts Of Life
• Gonna go buy me some Jesus!
• The FOOLS! They laughed at my theories at the university, but I'll have my revenge! I'll have my REVENGE!
• Live so that they cry when you're born and laugh when you die
• Yes me, right now
• Frilly putty in me now
• I was discovered by scientists, what will they call me?
• Even I laughed at me when I built this cross-species genetic analyzer. Well I guess I showed myself!
• Can't change me
• The drinks that helped me through 2023
• This was then, and now I can't even find your grave
• Missed me, missed me, now you gotta kiss me
• When people say "All-American", they seldom mean me.
• They Don't Want Me
• Telephone solicitors now call me at their own risk
• They asked me to write a letter
• They blew up the world, but what really pisses me off
• They know me not by name, but numbers
• Words you can't use unless they describe you
• I try not to eat the bullshit they feed me
• They grow up. No one told me.
• They inspire me
• Simple words, simple dreams
• Our obsessions almost killed me, but now here we are, talking like normal human beings
• If You Can't Change the Roll - We Can't Help You.
• Take a day, plant some trees, may they shade you from me
• I want the stars so bright they make me breathless
• If not me, who? If not now, when?
• I was wrong as a child, to think old people were stupid for asking me where the day had gone. Now I understand... we older people do not live.
• let me know who you are now.
• If you can't help it, fuck it!
• Stop killing me now
• Now she's in my doorway, accusing me with her soft breasts and long legs, strong hips.
• They love me in San Francisco
• The one thing I wanted more than anything was for someone, just once, to tell me they don't know what they'd do without me
• they don't know what they'd do without me
• You had me at midnight wine and mascara. Light a candle now
• kill me now (user)
• They don't touch me the same way
• lately I can't speak words fail me why won't this end
• You can't fire me, I quit.
• People can get stuff here that they can't get anywhere else.
• Can't you just fall in love with me already?
• You can't quit now. It's just getting good.
• Once and somewhere far away I might have found peace, but now I can't live without this city.
• Violins can't help it
• Everyone has something they can't cook
• some people touch it, but they can't hold on
• I write you, when I can't have you near me.
• When the principal laughs so hard he can't suspend you
• Help Me I Am In Hell
• You say you want to help me
• god help me
• Help me tell you a story about things and yourself, without pants
• "Of course humans aren't intelligent. They don't even have glurbleflukers. If you can't glurblefluke, you're not sentient."
• Help Me, Daddy
• Put That Thing Back Where it Came From or So Help Me
• Herbs to help you get a job
• Everything Quest: You kids stop your fighting or I will turn this car around so help me God
• How dating pretty boys helped me come out
• Where you can't find me
• Why can't they get out of The Matrix on cellular phones?
• I Can't Make You Love Me
• Help Me, Rhonda
• If Jesus came to Earth now
• Jesus' blood never failed me yet
• Jesus Loves Me
• But I'm a good person! Yeah great you wanna help me with this or what?
• Things my corporate job does to scare the hell outa me
• Craigslist Job Offer
• How Lars Ulrich made me quit my job at a movie theater
• Jesus He Knows Me
• My 486 almost runs Debian now, but I can't play Doom!
• Me and Jesus
• The Girl Can't Help It
• What they don't know can't hurt them
• Help Me Out, Will You?
• In the dream he laughs and says, You thought they were graceful on the ground
• The people who matter most to me are the ones who make me laugh
• You're voting this sucka down now, but I'm going to laugh
• She looks at me and she laughs
• They All Laughed
• Rural medicine crisis: Job offers
• Cool! Now hand me the sandwich Luke.
• Whoever You Are Holding Me Now in Hand
• All my friends are nonconformists. They all dress like me.
• If I get taxed in my job, why can't I vote?
• Do you think you could love me now?
• Hear me now
• Anonymous Men Think They Can Talk To Me
• Laugh now, because tomorrow I will be ten stories tall and I could just step on you if I want
• I Hope You Can Help Me I've Called Everywhere
• What people talk about when they can't think of anything to talk about
• they only gave me trouble anyways
• I've fallen and I can't get up!
• They want me for a focus group!
• I know they are watching me
• They had been expecting me
• They Know Me
• I was once smaller than a jellybean, but now look at me - I am macroscopic!
• They Flee From Me
• Really quick (I really can't be bothered to cook now) dinners
• As of now you are no longer able to openly disagree with me
• Some Lovers Try Positions That They Can't Handle

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