Prince Albert lived 1819-1861. He was Queen Victoria's cousin. He became her husband in 1850.

His death at the end of 1861, the same year as the Queen's mother saw her go into deep mourning, she retreated from public life and never fully recovered.

The first thing that struck me as odd, when I was taken behind the screen to get my Prince Albert done, was when they asked whether the apprentice could watch. Unnerved already by the thought of hammering a metal spike through my manhood, the added terror of someone extra watching me do this was unbearable. The terror, naturally, increased when I realised that this apprentice was a girl. And approximately thirteen years old.

I turned to leave, but was solidly kicked back behind the curtain by my loyal friends, having joined me to offer encouragement, support, and in the event of a disaster, a tourniquet. They had kindly offered to keep watch at the door. Good people, I remember thinking to myself.

So, with the warm, good natured jeers of my compadre's ringing in my ears, and clutching my bruised buttocks, I walked back behind the curtain, and with a deft touch dropped my pants gloriously to the floor. A shadow seemed to pass across the room as the piercer, now holding a three-inch needle, frowned at my groin area. It passed, however, when she started laughing; a lovely, carefree giggle, which soon had the apprentice in fits too. Obviously a parlour 'in-joke', I joined in, not wanting to seem a novice at this sort of thing.

Climbing up onto the table, I had about two seconds to appreciate the lovely ceiling art before the piercer plunged her needle deep into the nether regions of my urethra. I took this in my stride, although I do remember feeling somewhat faint from the experience; I recall saying something like: "Hmmm, pretty cold in here. But you can tell, right? Your nipples are probably like grapefruit, right? Do you guys do bikini waxes?"

Luckily, I started feeling all floaty then. Cold hands (or steel) were placed around my flaccid manhood, and then withdrawn. Strange, sticky sensations were felt. The Theme from Harry's Game played. Somewhere, a raven called.

And then it was over. I stood up, not wanting to look at the ring until I was home. I pulled up my pants and handed over the necessary cash, all the while thinking about all the hot nude lesbian action I would get to watch with my new accessory. Finally, in breathy tones befitting the occasion, I questioned the lady who, not two minutes ago, had been quite intimate with my organ:

"Is there anything I should know about this piercing?"

Her answer was simple, short, and quite astonishing.

"Well, we've had to tape a surgical glove around your penis to catch all the blood. It may fill up, at which point you'll have to remove it and hope the bleeding stops. Secondly, you'll have to dip your penis in salt water twice a day for the next month or two. Do not be tempted to do this in front of your friends, they will not like it. And finally, you will now need to sit down to pee."

"For how long?"

"Forever."

And so it was that I walked off into the sunset, surrounded by my most excellent friends, some of whom were crying from laughter, with my dick in a surgeon's glove. And I realised that I had lost my last weapon in the gender war.

I have to sit down to pee.

I went in to the shop and asked for the piercing. Nobody gave me any funny looks, nobody thought that it was strange, nobody batted an eye lid and nobody gave any indication that what I was getting done was a big deal or out of the ordinary. I went into a back room with one of the piercer guys. He told me to drop my pants and hop up on the bed in the center of the room (the bed was black and sort of looked like a dentist's chair). I did this and before I knew it he was asking me, “are you ready?”. I said yes and did not look down, there was a sharp pain, it was a bit worse than a really hard pinch and that was it, my dick was pierced. He then put in the ring, that was a little uncomfortable but not to bad. He wrapped up my dick in a plastic glove and an elastic band. I asked him a few questions about hygiene, he told me that urine and a regular shower would be fine, I did not bleed much at all. After I went straight to the pub and had a few pints with some friends.

Here is a brief summary of things you might want to know about what happened after I got the piercing. Urinating felt bad for a couple of days, sort of like a burning sensation every time I went to the toilet, drinking coffee was particularly bad for this as it made me feel like I was pissing fire. I Did not bleed that much immediately after the piercing, however their was some blood on the sheets of my bed the following morning. I still can piss straight and in one direction (I do not need to sit down to go to the toilet) however another friend of mine who also got a prince albert can not and is obliged to take a seat when nature calls. The piercing healed up within a week. Yes sex feels a lot better. My friend said he noticed some extra weight from the piercing, I did immediately after the ring was put in but not for long (I don't notice it now). When I got the prince albert done I initially thought, 'hey well there's one for the day logs', but then I decided it wasn't worth it. The whole experience was not nearly as awkward or painful as I expected. I paid 70 Euro for the piercing, I am sure I could have shopped around and got a cheaper deal but I didn't, I wanted a place I could trust and this place came highly recommended from a number of friends. If you are ever in Dublin and are looking for a good place to get pierced go to body shock in temple bar.

The reason why I am writing this is that a couple of weeks after I got my piercing I happened upon this write up and thought that trembling's experience made the whole thing seem a little more dramatic than it actually is. Getting it done does not hurt a lot, the only reason that a prince albert seems so bad is that we build it up in our minds, the idea of a piece of metal being stuck through your cock is enough to make any guy cringe. I guess all I wanted to say is that it seems a lot worse than it actually is but then again maybe that is only my experience and ultimately you will never know unless you go!

What is a Prince Albert?
A Prince Albert is a body piercing through the urethra and out the underside of the penis.

Does it hurt?
That depends on your experience with piercings. I have had piercings in the cartilage of my ear, in the ear lobe, in the nipple, and in the penis. The Prince Albert piercing is unique in that the pain is acute does not persist beyond a few microseconds. It does not throb afterward, but there is minor discomfort if it is knocked or there is pressure. Sleeping on one's back helps to avoid this.

Will it bleed?
Yes, relatively very much so for about 3 days. Rubber gloves are secured around the penis immediately afterward to prevent blood from staining clothing, but these are not very effective because the gloves are hard to secure, often falling off. An alternative is to wear a disposable undergarment. This is sure to provide protection even if you toss and turn in bed; so, you save your sheets.

How should it be cleaned?
For sure one does not need to buy any 'specialty' formula sold specifically for piercings. A mixture of salt and water applied daily is all that is needed. Urinating is encouraged as urine is sterile and will only serve to cleanse the piercing. Avoid creams, oils, and ointments as they block the flow of air.

What about peeing?
Peeing while standing can be a problem unless you know a trick. A lot of people, even piercers themselves, believe you must sit down to avoid making a mess on the toilet seat. Not exactly. The trick is to twist the penis so that the underside is facing up. The alternative is to sit, but even sitting if the penis is not twisted will result in a stream of urine exiting any gap between piercing and the surrounding skin. The problem of peeing will not arise until some time has passed and the skin around the piercing is stretched. The problem can be fixed, though, by upgrading to a different gauge. This will only help until the time comes that the skin surrounding the piercing is stretched once again. As the thickness (gauge) of the jewelry increases, the weight of the jewelry does too, and the problem actually gets worse than before.

What about sex?
Most agree that sensations for the male are increased and possibly for the partner. However, some find the jewelry to be uncomfortable as it is pulled during masturbation or sex. This is more often the case as the size of the jewelry increases. Exposing the piercing to bodily fluids increases the chance for infection, so care should be taken until healing is complete.

Can I remove it and put it back?
It is likely that the jewelry can be removed if it has not been upgraded. That is to say that some jewelry is easier to remove than other kinds. Specifically I will refer to the captive bead ring. This piece is unique from others in that tension of the C-shaped 'ring' holds a bead with dimples on opposite sides. For higher gauges the captive bead ring cannot be removed without ring opening pliers, which can be obtained online. Note that medical professionals needing to insert a catheter may destroy the jewelry to remove it if it cannot be removed with available tools.

How much does it cost?
Expect to pay around $100 for a Prince Albert piercing (including labor, tools, jewelry). Additional jewelry runs at about $20 in-store or much more cheaply online. Take advantage of buying online by writing down the gauge of the jewelry used during the piercing. If one does not know the current gauge and does not have a sizing tool, one cannot sensibly order the next size up. Ring opening pliers used to open captive bead rings are $5 (online). Here is a site with an extensive selection.

Interestingly:
A Prince Albert piercing, once it's thoroughly healed, will never close completely.
For shock value some replace the piercing with a Master lock.

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