I quite often read or hear statements, even in E2, along the lines of "rape is as bad as murder", or sometimes even "rape is worse than murder". I believe these comments are well-meant, motivated by a wish to acknowledge that rape can cause psychic trauma which can have a devastating and long-lasting effect. This is good: it is good not to trivialise rape and it is good not to suggest that women "ask for it". It is good to treat women (and men, for that matter) who have been raped with care and respect and seriousness.

But.

I am a rape survivor. I was nearly a murder victim. And it is far, far, far better to be alive and a bit scarred than dead. Trust me on this one: rape is bad, but it is NOT as bad as murder. Not nearly.

Admittedly, I have healed quickly because I am lucky to have large resources: loving family and friends, reserves of strength, doctors and therapists and all the other things that built the raft I needed to keep me afloat at first. One thing I know would have made it infinitely harder is if the people around me had said, or even secretly thought to themselves, that what happened to me was as bad as, or worse than murder.

Think about it: saying "rape is worse than murder" is the same as saying "rape is a fate worse than death", which is the same as saying "you would have been better off dead". Saying "rape is the same as murder" is the same as saying "you might as well have died", which is the same as saying "your life is over". Neither of these things is true.

What worries me most is this: if I'd been surrounded by people saying or thinking those things, they might have become true. If everyone around you treats you as if you're dead, or should be, what kind of life can you have? I keep thinking of the stories I've heard from Bosnia and Kosovo, of women who are cast out from their communities and end up dying by their own hands – not just because they were raped, but also because of how everyone else responded to that.

The idea of "a fate worse than death" is surely bound up with atavistic notions of sexual purity and family honour, which is all about securing paternity and protecting bloodlines, when you come right down to it. Sexual assault can only "ruin" a woman if she's valued principally as a brood mare.

I may be broody, but I'm not a brood mare. My life is not defined, in my own eyes or anyone else's, by the fact that I was raped once. I'm a whole person, and a better one than the two shit-for-brains losers who hurt me. Almost certainly happier, too. Life is full of possibilities: death is just death. So next time you want to express your agreement with the idea that rape is a bad thing, think carefully before comparing it to murder.

---

This is not a node about political correctness.

This is a delicate issue, one I consider to be related to the issue of euthanasia. Debating euthanasia, the question is: Is it better to allow great suffering to continue, or to end it by ending a life? Debating this issue, the question is: Is it better (or, less evil) to cause great suffering, or end life (and suffering)? The two questions are joined, and much of the controversy of one applies to the other. I have no firm answer to either, myself, but counterarguments to what has been said here need to be aired in order that anyone who cares to read may make more informed opinions. The best answer I can express is: "There is no meaningful answer".

consumagenerica writes:

Think about it: saying "rape is worse than murder" is the same as saying "rape is a fate worse than death", which is the same as saying "you would have been better off dead".

Rape can cause a lot of pain, physical and emotional. Once this point is conceded, the question is exactly the same as that of euthanasia: is it worth living through such great pain? Much of what is written here, "One thing I know would have made it infinitely harder is if the people around me had said, or even secretly thought to themselves, that what happened to me was as bad as, or worse than (death)", "Life is full of possibilities: death is just death", applies to euthanasia just about as easily as it applies to this issue. It is, to a degree, the difference between minimising (potential) bane (preventative good) and maximising (potential) boon (causative good).

She also writes:

Sexual assault can only "ruin" a woman if she's valued principally as a brood mare.

I beg to differ. Sexual assault can only "ruin" a woman, from an external point of view, if she's valued principally as a brood mare - this much may be true. But there is more to ruin than a pretty label pasted on a person from outside by the shallower-thinking members of society. Many times, sexual assault can cause quite severe depression. Depression is, without a doubt, ruinous - from the internal point of view. In fact, to state that the only harm which can result from a rape is the external type, is to trivialise the internal harm; though, I am sure this was not her intent.

One of the most telling sentences in consumagenerica's writeup is:

And it is far, far, far better to be alive and a bit scarred than dead.

That is good to hear. In your case, then, the value of life with pain was (and is) greater than the value of ending the pain. I am glad your experience did not scar you to the point of choosing death. But keep in mind that what applies for you need not apply universally. Of course, most would agree that where possible, the person who is being considered for euthanasia should be consulted, asked whether he or she would prefer to be euthanised or not. But even that approach has loopholes: there are many ways in which a person may be unable to respond, or unable to respond in a way which is the result of demonstrably sound mind.

I have been arguing hard against the title of this node. However, as I said, I am not going to place myself on either side of the fence. I think the idea that there is a clear division to be made in the first place may be flawed. Compare the killing of an incapacitated 100-year-old who has lost the capability to move, think, or experience any sensation, to a troop of rapists who sexually assault a prisoner 23 out of 24 hours for the rest of his life. Rape "worse" than murder? Compare a torture, multilation, and eventual murder after a week, to a single-instance attempted (but thwarted) sexual assault. Murder "worse" than rape?

---

One more thing: The negation of "Rape is not as bad as murder" is not "Rape is as bad as murder". The negation of "Rape is not as bad as murder" is "Rape can be as bad as murder". In other words, a person who argues against "Rape is not as bad as murder" is not necessarily arguing for "Rape is not as bad as murder". And vice-versa.