I learned this from my girlfriend Sandy
. She was my first serious girlfriend
. The ones before her always joked around. I don't think we were much older than 13 or 14 - and she was a lot more experienced than I was. Before I met her I had only mostly made out
with girls - you know what I mean by "make out
" - kissing
, a little touching
the breast above the shirt, maybe fully clothed rubbing against one another
, some anal fingering
, that kind of stuff. But Sandy was way more experienced. And sure enough, after about two months, our sex life had run out of ideas. We were tired of the missionary
, doggie style
, shower sex
, pile driver
, and even the Richard Nixon
position was getting old. The saucy French Maid outfit
s didn't do it for me any more, sex in public
no longer offered the adrenaline rush
, and we had long ceased videotaping ourselves. Basically, we needed a change.
After a week of trying out everything the Amsterdam Sex Shop had to offer, we decided that what we needed is to have a menage a trois (English for menage a trois). We set our sights on a timid boy named Roy. When I say 'timid', I use that in the most euphemistic sense possible. The guy was a total chicken. He was afraid of his own shadow. You'd think I'm using that as a metaphor, but I'm not; he seriously was afraid of his own shadow. He said it followed him around. I tell you, the guy was a looney. Anyway, we befriended Roy, but he would cringe as if I was going to hit him whenever I came to shake his hand. And he wouldn't let Sandy kiss him on the cheek. He backed away whenever I passed him a joint, and he would hardly shoot up at all with us.
One day we got him to agree to come sleep over at Sandy's parents' home. He got there after dinner. We let him in the back door, because he was too chicken to meet her folks. Upstairs, in her bedroom, we sat on the bed. We passed around the bottle of JB, and when Sandy gave Roy the bottle, he said he was afraid to drink straight from the bottle, because he had once banged his teeth on the bottle opening. And Sandy said to him, "You know what? I think that what you need is a good blowjob."
And suddenly he snapped, as if from a spell. And he didn't seem afraid anymore. He had confidence in his eyes. And lust. But then again, that was Sandy, so how could anyone not have lust? He took the bottle and took a giant swig*. I think he even banged his teeth on it, but he didn't waver. And then he started opening Sandy's blouse.
"You're not a chicken anymore?" she asked him. And he said, "No, Sandy, thanks to you, I've got my courage back."
"This is no fun, then," Sandy and I both said, and she added, "right, off you go." And off he went, but through the front door this time.
Undejected, we went to the backyard, where the chicken coop was. We took a chicken up to Sandy's room and fucked it silly.
*not to be confused with a giant squid.