(fiction) by dannye Fri Dec 01 2000 at 4:05:34
There are things you should know about Seedy Petey Wilson. He was one of the folks on this green planet who actually was abducted by aliens. Unfortunately, the aliens were his siblings. Freiborg Wilson, his brother, was an escapee from a German "spa" who had reportedly done things to various frauleins which would make Hanibal Lecter hark a loogie. He sought asylum in America as a third generation false memory syndrome chronic fatigue Holocaust victim, and Janet Reno fell for it. His half-sister, Loquita, was an illegal immigrant who had been a passenger in a Ryder truck which had a bad turn with the law in Oklahoma City. That truck became famous about 30 minutes after she got out of it somewhere around Pocasset. Petey had been raised by his siblings since the age of 15, when his parents mysteriously disappeared after telling Freiborg he couldn't use the station wagon one Sunday afternoon.

Needless to say, Petey has issues. Any time Deck had to deal with this slimeball, he had to make real sure that he went about it the exact right way.

"Petey, you ever known any Hollywood big shits?"

"I had an unpleasant encounter with Meat Loaf in a steam room one afternoon, but I'm trying to put some aloe vera on it and hope it heals."

"No, man, I mean the real Big Stars. What would you do if you got some juicy dirt on some of them?"

"You mean like Chuck Barris?"

"No, you dumb fuck. I'm talking about folks like Babs. Now listen to me and listen good. I know where there is some information that would make Mecha-Streisand vote Republican. You want to know more?"

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