Some of my more favorite Simpson quotes come from my hero Homer
. More of these quotes can be found at the Homer Simpson
node, especially the part by Kung
"Now son, you don't want to drink beer. That's for
Daddys,and kids with fake IDs."
"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to
"You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day
of your life if you had an electrified fooling
, don't discourage the boy! Weaseling out of
things is important to learn. It's what separates us
from the animals! Except the weasel."
If you really want something in life you have to
work for it. Now quiet,they're about to announce the
"To alcohol! The cause of - and solution to - all of
"I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to speed
around a city, keeping its speed over 50, and if its
speed changed, it would explode! I think it was
called, 'The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down.'"
"I want to share something with you - the three
sentences that will get you through life. Number one,
'cover for me.' Number two, 'oh, good idea, boss.'
Number three, 'it was like that when I got here.'"
, you're as pretty as Princess Leia
smart as Yoda
"Step aside everyone! Sensitive love letters are my
specialty.'Dear Baby,Welcome to Dumpsville.
"Don't let Krusty the Clown
's death get you down, boy. People
die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake
up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."
"Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's
not whether you win or lose: it's how drunk you get."
, if the Bible
has taught us nothing else - and
it hasn't- it's that girls should stick to girls'
sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and
such and such."
, if you don't like your job you don't strike.
You just go in every day and do it really half-assed.
That's the American way."
"Stealing! How could you? Haven't you learned
anything from that guy who gives those sermons at
church? Captain whats-his-name?"
"We live in a society of laws. Why do you think I
took you to all those Police Academy
movies? For fun?
Well I didn't hear anybody laughin', did you?"
"Television - teacher, mother, secret lover!"
"Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'sir' without
adding,'you're making a scene.'
"The suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked
This is taken from an email that has been floating around the Simpsons Mailing List maintained at www.snpp.com (Springfield Nuclear Power Plant).