(Based on what I observed while waiting for the elevator at a friend's apartment building.)

  1. Wait until late at night. At 9pm, your neighbors may wish to use the elevator. They will assemble into an impatient mob near the elevator door.
  2. If you have stopped the elevator for your activities, don't start it again until you are fully clothed.
  3. If you have disregarded the previous suggestions because you are an exhibitionist and want others to catch you, may I suggest that instead you have sex in the stairwell? Even more thrilling risk of discovery, with less inconvenience for your elevator-using neighbors.

Other suggestions for sex in an elevator:

  1. "Out of order. Maintenance has been notified." No one will suspect a thing.
  2. Beware glass elevators. No need to end up on the evening news.
  3. If you can get a fireman's key, run the elevator up or down right at the moment of bliss. The physical rush might be awesome (rollercoaster scene in fear, anyone)
  4. Make sure that you are not going to knock the emergency phone off the hook. That's trouble waiting to happen
  5. Try not to make much noise. You are in a huge hollow shaft, after all.
  6. Stop the elevator between floors or in the basement parking lot.
  7. Use the corner wisely. Same rules as sex in an airplane go here. Use the space you have, and beware the floor.
  8. Oh yeah, and watch out for the elevators with carpeting on the walls (for that warm effect). I'd imagine that stuff wasn't meant for the duty load it's getting. Rug burn on your back (or your partner's) in the middle of the day is hard to explain, in any circumstance.
Whoa! Those tips are really useful! I never thought about putting my clothes back on before starting the elevator again. And good thing jb mentioned to watch out for glass elevators! Thank God I read that before I had sex in a glass elevator in the mall where they were shooting the evening news.

But I think that some more tips should be added. All of these, of course, are from personal experience.

  • Regardless of what you usually say or scream during sex, try not to shout things like "Oh my God, somebody please help me, I'm dying in here," or "Somebody call the fire brigade".

  • On a related note: if you're having sex in your boy/girlfriend's apartment building, and there is a good chance their parents are currently wating for the elevator, don't shout things like, "Oh, yes, Jeremy, fuck me harder, yes, come all over my face."

  • Don't get too romantic. In particular, Don't light candles!. If something catches fire, you're fucked (no pun intended), because you're not supposed to use the elevator during a fire!

  • If you're used to using a vibrator, use a battery operated one, because most elevators don't have a socket.

  • Although it's tempting, don't have sex with more people than the elevator is supposed to hold. If it is a 6 person maximum elevator, have sex with no more than 5 people at one time. With all the moving around, you might put too much strain on the elevator, and plummet to your death.

  • This is similar to the last point. Remember, an elevator can only handle a certain weight. Check the maximum weight before you decide whom you are going to have sex with. For example, few elevators can support the weight of a grown cow. If you really wish to have sex with an animal in an elevator, consider a sheep, or even a chicken.

  • Try to clean up. Be a friendly neighbour.
And most importantly:

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