Ok, aniverseries have traditional gives (paperwood, silver, gold, diamonds) based on the year, why don't we have this for birthdays? I have decided to remedy this horrible situation:
1 teething ring
2 water wings
3 stuffed animal
4 toy truck/car
5 doll (or action figure)
6 backpack
7 bicycle
8 squirt-gun
9 pop-music
10 pocket knife
11 shoes
12 bb-gun
13 a puppy (or other living animal)
14 stereo
15 rock music
16 television
17 books
18 used automobile
19 cash
20 sex
21 booze
22 gift certificates
23 computer
24 tin foil
25 a farrari
26 meat (or appropriate soy based meat substitute)
27 anything "retro"
28 spackle
29 scissors
30 tools (either garage or kitchen)
31 pvc pipe
32 decorative knick-knacks
33 anything made of rubber
34 lightbulbs
35 candy corn
36 double-pane storm windows
37 real estate
38 novelty bussiness cards
39 leather pants
40 anything black with "over the hill" written on it
41 foam rubber
42 rogaine
43 denim jacket
44 cigarette lighter (even if they don't smoke)
45 gas BBQ grill
46 alloy wheels
47 feather duster
48 speaker wire
49 thumbtacks
50 telephone
51 cast iron skillet
52 sushi
53 dried flowers
54 shotgun
55 symphony tickets
56 a catamaran
57 flannel pajamas
58 a 35mm camera with adjustable zoom lens
59 stationary
60 an etch-a-sketch
61 anything neon-colored
62 hat
63 playing cards
64 a leather couch
65 a luxury yacht
66 a "kiss the cook" apron
67 live bait
68 a good swift kick in the ass
69 an all expense paid trip to the south of France
70 surgical tubing
71 1970's era Jane Fonda poster
72 anything pooh-related
73 coffee mug
74 photo album
75 a "lifetime" membership to anything
76 martini shaker
77 surround-sound speakers
78 smoked cheese
79 kleenex
80 freeze-dried ice cream
81 a condo in Miami
82 porn
83 set of salt and pepper shakers
84 surgery
85 picture frame
86 sweater
87 coloring book
88 citrus
89 life insurance
90+ at this point it is traditional to buy the person anything you want to be left when they finally shuffle off the old mortal coil...

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