Not so long ago, a noder wrote me a special message. He'd been on a long and lonely interstate journey, he said, when he pulled into the parking lot of a fast-food joint. After partaking of sustenance, such as it was, he noticed an adult bookstore across the street, and proceeded thither to seek sustenance of a different sort.

He said that based in part on my recommendation, he picked up a few copies of Hawk, a wonderful publication filled with the nubile bodies of sweet young things. He thought it was "quite good" (to use his words). I like to think that the glossy images of soft pink flesh helped him through a lonely night, as they've helped me through many lonely nights of my own.

Those of you who write, who cast your words out into the great void, know how wonderful you feel when you find out that you've warmed the heart of another human being.

Well, I managed to warm something a little farther south. Ain't nothin' wrong with that at all.

Glad to know someone's reading. Happy trails!

SORRY FOR BEING A PERVERT
mais je suis comme ça

I have a number of useless talents:

1. A surprising number of eleven- to fourteen-year-old girls find me compellingly attractive. I swear to you that I'm not flirting with them. I'll be sitting on the train or something, minding my own business, and I'll look up to find a twelve-year-old giving me That Look and That Smile and That Giggle. I've had this ability ever since I was eighteen, or just old enough for it to be very dangerous. When I was that age, these girls were laughing at me.
2. A surprising number of women over the age of 65 find me compellingly attractive. I suppose this is marginally more useful than the previous talent, since it at least doesn't make me look like a pedophile, but I have been groped in nursing homes more times than I care to admit.
3. I have a psychotic stare that can make people fall off their chairs. Oddly enough, this doesn't interfere with talents 1 and 2. Go figure.

To judge from my messages, I'm often systematically downvoted by conservative Christians and feminists. I find this delightful--it's nice to have these people agreeing about something.