My name is Bernhardt Goats. I am a frequent guest columnist on this newspaper. If you don't know me and want to be "friend" then you can call me what friends call me which is Behr. It is because I am old, bald, paunchy, and very loveable although I haven't completed a sexual intercourse procedure since 1978. Thank you for caring. 

I am constructing a theme park called Bible and Constitution Theme Park in my neighborhood. Information on my operation can be found in my diary in the newspaper personals, or "daylogs." I chart my magical journey in building this theme park there. Figure it out.

One of the things I discovered while constructing my Book of Ruth ride was that I needed to dig in the ground to plant the poles that supported the climax of the ride (as well as Ruth's story in The Holy Bible) where she is catapulted over the Walls of Jericho to make a point to the enemy. God made that happen. Need I say more? But when I dug in the ground I found evidence of an ancient…

In a time

when men had souls

when there was hope

and no one was beyond reach

when pain was a broken promise

or a twisted ankle

when we had faith

God couldn’t shake

when we were more than love

in a time

when we did not know fear

when we sang 

and knew we were not brave

there was hope

and we had souls

until

we tasted blood.

Despite not getting hardly any sleep last night, I am having a decent morning. My friend went with me to drop off the insurance paperwork, and I feel much better about that than I did. I had a chance to talk to my boss very briefly, and that conversation was reassuring as well. After several matches on a dating website I was getting discouraged that nothing seemed to be going anywhere, I was frustrated until I remembered a strategy a friend of mine had shared. Her son swipes right on everyone. At first…