Probably the most dangerous thing I do is not reading End-User License Agreements. I could jump off cliffs, shoot heroin - anything - but it won't top my relationship with these nasty documents.

And the thing is, they could be saying anything at all. And they're something like fifteen pages long! I'm not reading that much stuff unless it has a plot. I signed up to Hotmail and got a page with the 'You Will Agree With This' file and all the joy suddenly dropped from my life. "Oh, for fuck's sake...". Page down. Page down. Page. Down.

Pagedownpagedownpagedownpagedownpagedownpagedownpagedownpagedownpagedown. "How long?!".

17. By agreeing to the terms of this service, you are signing over your house to us every Tuesday.

Suddenly there's some sinister guys at the door telling me to get out. I'm sure there's some big corporate plan to make EULA's so long that nobody bothers reading them any more. Then they could move in and take over the entire world.

25. By even so much as scratching the cellophane wrapping of this box you enter an agreement whereby you think this product is the fabbest thing ever and you're not allowed to complain.

...While sitting broken-hearted in front of some bugged piece of crap that you just shelled out eighty quid for.

Be careful, people. The legal people are in a position where they can become gods. Seriously. Conspiracy theory, maybe. But it's bloody scary.